- Define "getting rid of resentments"

Define "getting rid of resentments"




12 Steps: Discussions related to the 12 Steps and using them as a treatment to recover from alcohol and drug addiction.

offtrack

Postby drewi2009 » Sun Jul 12, 2009 5:38 am

This stuff gets offtrack fast
Personally I would say that if anyone is bothering your sobriety or your serenity they need to come off the christmas card list Im thinking theres alot of guilt here just a hunch.
early in my recovery the girl i was with cheated on me behind my back I beat the hell outta myself to find out what i did wrong what was wrong with me and every other thing there was to do with it.
and the guy she did it with i wasnt to happy with either the last thing i need is a hypocrite telling me how and why my relationship didnt work.
thats not the point here the point is is that i sure as hell aint going to shake a mans hand for doing my wife behind my back ok? thats just asking for more hurt if you trust your higher power a way will be found where your paths will not cross
both of them can worry about thier own christmas cards im sure theyll find em somewhere in the slumhole where they sleep together
do i need to forgive them heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllll no i leave that one for my higher power to do
do i forgive myself yep for allowing someone to walk all over my boundaries

P.S. I personally dont know anyone who stays sober for a long time without going through some crap AA is a rollercoaster ride and you need to hang on because the road gets bumpy
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Postby Dallas » Sun Jul 12, 2009 8:19 am

Hello drewi2009,
Thanks for sharing. I see a lot of common-sense logic in your sharing and I'd have to say, that if I were having the same experience, I would feel the same way about it as you do! Thanks.

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Postby Dallas » Sun Jul 12, 2009 8:22 am

DiggerinVA wrote:It is amazing how 23-24 pages in a book can change your life. I began with the old stories as well. When I got to AA I was confused because they sad Don't drink and go to meetings. They did not want to apply the solutions that are laid out in the Big Book.


Isn't that the truth? I hear what you're saying!

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Postby DiggerinVA » Sun Jul 12, 2009 9:38 am

drewi2009
Yes conservations do drift. You are suffering from a bit of resentment toward your SO and the other Guy. I understand the pain you feel. One of the things that happens when you are no longer drinking is you feel things. Resentments do get larger.

My 1st suggestion is always work the steps. The way I process stuff changed! Also my action change.
But in the piecemeal way of handling such situations. Your forgiveness is paramount. 1st for yourself, then him and lastly for you SO. You will need to look at your part, if nothing else something was missing in the relationship. Once this is determined, the rest can fall into place. I own the T-Shirt.

Let God do his work. Yes asking your Higher Power for the ability to forgive is part of your Higher Powers work.
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forgive

Postby drewi2009 » Sun Jul 12, 2009 1:12 pm

I only forgive them in the way that they are selfish weak people no matter what a relationship is lacking that does not excuse what was done period.
so she was a foolish person and he was a weak little boy who needed a mommy
thats the only way I can forgive them is chalking it up as stipidity
that does not mean that they are allowed into my life ever period whats done is done my only problem is that if one of them were hanging on the edge of a cliff would i offer my hand? lol maybe after i spit on it
not
one thing i use for forgiveness is the fact that my higher power jesus died on the cross and forgave personally if it was me i when i got to heaven i woulda said "daddy turn that planet into a fireball please"
but he didnt that is the only real life example of what and how to deal with ignorance and forgivness I only do it for him but i still hate them forever for what they did to me
by the way i am doing a step 4 again for the 3rd time as things have a risen again with people in general and unfortunately the bimbo has made the list personally i dont think shes good enough to be in my inventory but its to late for that now isnt it
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forgot

Postby drewi2009 » Sun Jul 12, 2009 1:52 pm

Forgot to mention that it now affects my ability to ever trust again in my new relationship which I feel is going south fast Im thinking of giving her up before theres any hurt on either part mostly me. I finally find a woman who makes me truly happy and I have to give her up because I cant trust and dont feel I'm good enough.
Trust and inadequacy as a man (my anatomy or physical and financial well being) thats what made me take a look at doing another step 4
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Postby DiggerinVA » Sun Jul 12, 2009 2:46 pm

Nothing wrong with looking at a 4th step. But I would challenge you to take another look at step 10.


Big Book wrote: Chapter 6 of the book -- Alcoholics Anonymous


INTO ACTION



This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality-safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee-Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.

Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. But we must go further and that means more action.



I figured out very quickly it is 4-9 daily. Truly making it one of the hardest step. Oh don't forget step 3 is included. As we become God-conscious relationships become easier, well at least they seem to have for me.


Stan
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Postby Dallas » Sun Jul 12, 2009 3:10 pm

And... don't forget to include a Daily Step 1 with the Daily 4 through 9, in 10 !!! Or... Steps 4 through 9, and 10 won't matter anyway! :wink:

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yep

Postby drewi2009 » Sun Jul 12, 2009 6:41 pm

That is one of my favorite parts of the book and step ten.
God tells me to love her like he loves me but it still hurts and I dont think its supposed to.
something else is going on Ill figure it out
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Postby Danni » Wed Jul 15, 2009 2:38 pm

Resentments? If you've just got to have them it's better to give them than to get them! (someone famous around here taught me that one!) :lol:

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12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - Define "getting rid of resentments"