Lionback wrote:SOURCE OF RESENTMENTS: I believe is BETRAYAL of my dreams my ambitions and plans for my family ,by people within my family,,, am I naive to have ambitions knowing that the result belongs to God, ,my resentment is against God because of the outcome, it still hurts ,,, Forgiveness is elusive to me even though I try to forgive, and reconcile with God
Ambitions I don't believe to be at the root of my resentments. Neither is "betrayal" of them by others.
Ambition is a god given instinct, so therefore serves us a useful purpose. When WE get our ambitions out of whack and this alcoholic is good at that, thats where we get resentful.
I used to be in a job where I should have been in charge of a team, and leading projects etc. But the bosses never took the chance to put me there. So I got frustrated and hated them and the job and the place for "betraying" my ambitions.
When I got sober and looked back, the ambitions were out of whack in my head. Yes maybe I could have got to that position I wanted, through hard work and effort. I was drinking and not showing up so why should I believe I'd get anywhere? Because I'm an alcoholic thats why. The blame in my mind was all theirs. All I could see was me not getting my way, and they were stopping me so I resented it all. Now from a sober position I can look back and see my part in the resentment. I was dishonest, inconsiderate, self seeking and very very self centred. I could not see the reality of the situation. I was frightened too. I had fear that I was not getting where I thought I should. So up went my fear defences, I resent you I hate you, build a wall and throw things over it at you till you go away. It worked they did go away. I lost my job. I resented them for ages for betraying my ambitions.
In sobriety I faced up to the reality of my part in the creation of the resentment, PLUS my part in the creation of the situation that I created it about (and the 2 are separate, see the discussions on step 4 in the BB and elsewhere on this site).
Today I still have ambitions, but I keep them real. My ambition today is to complete my projects to the best of my ability, and what follows then will follow. My main ambition in life these days is to remain sober. I know I need to keep doing what I have been shown by OSMs and that will be ok. If I am sober who knows where and how far I can go in life. These days I have no idea where that will be, I only know it will be ok, and It will be a whole lot better if I keep out my own way and don't try to control everything and get resentful when MY plans dont work. If I do the sinple actions as directed each day, I will be looked after and I will have a good life, whatever happens.
Thanks all for being here and helping me fulfil my ambitions.