- The Source of Our Resentments

The Source of Our Resentments




12 Steps: Discussions related to the 12 Steps and using them as a treatment to recover from alcohol and drug addiction.

Postby GeoffS » Mon Jul 20, 2009 11:08 pm

sunlight wrote:selfishness was trying to hold onto what you have. Self-centeredness was trying to get what you want


I always find that my fear always boils down to those two as well.

Fear of losing what I have,
Fear of not getting what I want
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Postby angel143 » Tue Jul 21, 2009 7:06 am

GeoffS wrote:
sunlight wrote:selfishness was trying to hold onto what you have. Self-centeredness was trying to get what you want


I always find that my fear always boils down to those two as well.

Fear of losing what I have,
Fear of not getting what I want


Wow, Sunlight and Geoffs...You just nailed that one for me!

It explains completely what I have been trying to battle these last couple days.

It may not be easy to totally stop those feelings...but im thankful that I am able to recognize them and at least slow them down a bit!

I am working on it...trying hard....

Thanks for letting me share

H
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Postby GeoffS » Wed Jul 22, 2009 6:07 am

No its not easy to stop these feelings. However spotting them is the first part.

Then it says somewhere its a good idea to talk them through with someone and let god have them.

Best way to get character defects removed, is to act like they have been. Thats what I've been told.

and it works.
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Postby Lionback » Sat Aug 01, 2009 10:31 pm

This is the KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) principle......If i go to bed each night sober and wake up each day I have the opportunity to improve my life ....Resentment,fear, selfcenteredness, will abate If I practice Honesty Openmindedness and Willingness (HOW) in all of my affairs......and try not to analise to much.. this process will work. God knows.
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Postby Lionback » Sat Aug 01, 2009 11:15 pm

SOURCE OF RESENTMENTS: I believe is BETRAYAL of my dreams my ambitions and plans for my family ,by people within my family,,, am I naive to have ambitions knowing that the result belongs to God, ,my resentment is against God because of the outcome, it still hurts ,,, Forgiveness is elusive to me even though I try to forgive, and reconcile with God
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Postby ROBERT » Sat Aug 01, 2009 11:29 pm

somewhere in the literature the subject of resentment and their cause is discussed... can someone help-- chapter 5- is it?
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Postby GeoffS » Sun Aug 02, 2009 7:31 am

Lionback wrote:SOURCE OF RESENTMENTS: I believe is BETRAYAL of my dreams my ambitions and plans for my family ,by people within my family,,, am I naive to have ambitions knowing that the result belongs to God, ,my resentment is against God because of the outcome, it still hurts ,,, Forgiveness is elusive to me even though I try to forgive, and reconcile with God


Ambitions I don't believe to be at the root of my resentments. Neither is "betrayal" of them by others.

Ambition is a god given instinct, so therefore serves us a useful purpose. When WE get our ambitions out of whack and this alcoholic is good at that, thats where we get resentful.

eg.

I used to be in a job where I should have been in charge of a team, and leading projects etc. But the bosses never took the chance to put me there. So I got frustrated and hated them and the job and the place for "betraying" my ambitions.

When I got sober and looked back, the ambitions were out of whack in my head. Yes maybe I could have got to that position I wanted, through hard work and effort. I was drinking and not showing up so why should I believe I'd get anywhere? Because I'm an alcoholic thats why. The blame in my mind was all theirs. All I could see was me not getting my way, and they were stopping me so I resented it all. Now from a sober position I can look back and see my part in the resentment. I was dishonest, inconsiderate, self seeking and very very self centred. I could not see the reality of the situation. I was frightened too. I had fear that I was not getting where I thought I should. So up went my fear defences, I resent you I hate you, build a wall and throw things over it at you till you go away. It worked they did go away. I lost my job. I resented them for ages for betraying my ambitions.

In sobriety I faced up to the reality of my part in the creation of the resentment, PLUS my part in the creation of the situation that I created it about (and the 2 are separate, see the discussions on step 4 in the BB and elsewhere on this site).

Today I still have ambitions, but I keep them real. My ambition today is to complete my projects to the best of my ability, and what follows then will follow. My main ambition in life these days is to remain sober. I know I need to keep doing what I have been shown by OSMs and that will be ok. If I am sober who knows where and how far I can go in life. These days I have no idea where that will be, I only know it will be ok, and It will be a whole lot better if I keep out my own way and don't try to control everything and get resentful when MY plans dont work. If I do the sinple actions as directed each day, I will be looked after and I will have a good life, whatever happens.

Thanks all for being here and helping me fulfil my ambitions.

G
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Postby ROBERT » Sun Aug 02, 2009 8:35 am

YEA, When MY plans did't work out I was "Sore-Burnt up" as the book called it----But the more we fought and tried to have our own way the worse matters got--trying to be the director was a tough job--situations & people just didn't do as I wished....the book does explain this and for a long time I had countless vain attempts at trying to get the right mixture of kindness-generousity-modesty-self-sacrificing along with being mean, egotistic, selfish and dishonest, but could never get it just right, the plays didn't work out and I ended up blameing other people--"To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got"---I tried to live by sheer will power- I was driven by fear-self-delusion-self-seeking, and self pity, in HOW IT WORKS I am described to the letter, the power to change that was not in me, I put down the booze and tried to live differently but couldn't do it--until I made the 2nd surrender, made a decision to take the steps, the power was there, in the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous--the steps have disciplined me in a way I could not do thru my own will---as the result a Spiritual Awakening came about--thanks Geoffs for reminding me "The liquor was but a symbol" Selfihness-Self-centeredness is the root of my problems, and I could not reduce it by wishing or trying on my own power-I had to have Gods help.Today I have serenity and peace of mind MOST of the time and by useing this wonderful program a day at a time I am content. Thank you Alcoholics Anonymous--and "Thank YOU GOD" --- ps. what is OSMs Geoffs?---
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Postby Dallas » Sun Aug 02, 2009 1:11 pm

But the more we fought and tried to have our own way the worse matters got


I guess I was different! :lol:

I got my way more than I didn't get my way -- and when I didn't get my way I searched until I found a different way to get it! :lol:

"God grant me the Serenity to wait..
Until I can come up with a better plan that works!" :lol:


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Postby ROBERT » Sun Aug 02, 2009 1:30 pm

Interesting...right after that sentence...BUT THE MORE......it goes on with--As in war, the victor only "seemed" to win. Our moments of triumph were short lived. :lol: :lol:
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