I have read the four pages available and find myself wanting more! Isn't that just like an alcoholic.....
Selfishness and seflcentered... that is my problem.
My own expectations fuel these qualities in me. I have a sponsor, have done and continue doing the steps with a smile and without a smile. I am the GSR of my home group and have been doing this job since I was 6 months sober. When I have the opportunity to rotate out October 2010, (that will be three years at this position) I will not let the screen door hit me in the a@@ on the way out. Rotation , Rotation , Rotation.....
I have been taught from the beginning that service work, sponsorship, being in the middle of AA's will help me and it has in many many ways.
Twice I have asked my sponsor to let me resign ... twice I have been told to fulfill my commitment. Twice I have agreed to do so.
In a group with 40 to 50 AA's at each meeting I can not get folks to participate in service work. I don't mean 5 to 6 folks ... I mean zero. We have a commitment to carry a meeting to a local treatment center the months of June and December each Wednesday night of those months for 1 hour. Many times I am the only one who shows. (Yes I would like a little cheese with my WHINE...
) There is my director coming out.... There is my expectations.... Where is my acceptance? Down the toilet with my serenity!
Throwing page 417 at every problem is like the catch all for not dealing with life on life's terms to me. Do you see all the I's in this post ... it is all about ME don't you know.
My selfishness wants my home group to be out there beating the bushes doing the work and helping the alcoholic who still suffers....ME!
My selfcentered...ness wants my home group to see how good a job I am doing to get the message of AA out to the alcoholic who still suffers...ME!
I hear all the platitudes and acronyms and BB quotes in the meetings but see no ACTION beyond self serving in a warm, clean, controlled environment of the meeting room. This brings out the anger from my selfishness and selfcentered...ness plus it is self serving....it fuels my RESENTMENT. My righteous indignation of their pious behavior. ME! It is all about ME!
Let Go and Let GOD.... I believe God can move mountains and I also believe I had better have a shovel.
I don't even begin to say I understand people... I don't. Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob were presented a gift that I have been blessed to live in time that it was offered to ME. There is my acceptance....
Once again I must rely on the Serenity Prayer...so far it has worked so I will keep on working it.
Have a great day and holiday month!