The Source of Our Resentments

[robbiechaos]

What amazed me about my resentments was that by the time I started my 4th column I could see how I was the cause of my own misery. I started out writting a grudge list of where others had did me wrong. And ended up with 20 pages of self infflicted misery. The big book tricked me. How could I be to blame"? these crimes were committed against me. But there it was in black and white irreffutable proof that I am the source of my own misery. It wasnt the crimes that were committed against me that destroyed my life it was my fear, dishonesty, selfishnish or my not considering my fellows that destroyed it. How can that be? These crimes were committed AGAINST me. But I saw plainly in black ink and my own handwritting before me that it wasnt the crimes that destroyed me, it was how I reacted to them that did it. I had choices and It was those choices that drove me mad. NOT THE CRIMES OF OTHERS. Because I never let go of anything and I have driven myself crazy because of that fact.

[tim-one]

Resentments are all through the BB. Specifically pages 64-68 and onward. You were right, Chaos, that's Chapter 5.

Very well lead into on pgs 60 - 62 ... the selfish actor trying to direct story ending with appointing God as the Director on pg 62.

Turns out for me that "Resentment occurs when someone impedes my God given right to be selfish."

Pg 64 - "Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stems al forms of spiritual disease."

Pg 66 - "It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness." "... this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal." "The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die."

AND I RESENT THAT!

Sorry. That was selfish of me.

Love,
Tim1



Turns out for me that "Resentment occurs when someone impedes my God given right to be selfish."

[robbiechaos]

In my BB on page 64 along the margin I have scribbled this:
Resentment- Remembering a previous situation that made us angry and re-feeling the anger it produced.

LOL... I wrote 20 pages of "Resentments" after it was explained to me what they were. But didnt know the definition of the word. I had to have my sponsor explain it to me. My life was riddled with it through and through. But I didnt know what it meant. Like having a Monster living in your closet your whole life and hanging your clothes on him. Outstanding

[angel143]

Hey Robbiechaos...

Just in case I dont get the chance to tomorrow...Congrats on 60 days!

Thanks for all your sharing and for being here!

Heather

[robbiechaos]

Thank You Heather. and everyone else who has taken the time to share with me their experience, strength and Most of all their Hope.

God Bless You All

[tim-one]

COOL!

Thanks for the update, Heather.

CONGRATS! Robbie! 60 days is nuthin to sneeze at!

You, too, Heather! Waytago!

One day 60 times. In a row, right?

Go ahead on wichaselves. You're on a roll. You give me hope.

In my BB on page 64 along the margin I have scribbled this:
Resentment- Remembering a previous situation that made us angry and re-feeling the anger it produced.

Good one, Robbie.

Love,
Tim1

[ROBERT]

yes it says--When "harboring" such feelings!, so it not so much that I FEEL-angry but the inability to process the situation in a healthy way- to see it more OBJECTIVLEY, than subjectivley (as the 4th step shows me how) see my part and act accordingly, then LET IT GO, which sounds like the opposite of harboring to me, and very important---- Learn from the situation------something I just wasn't good at, the steps have shown me a way up and out of that darkness so I can LIVE in such a way that it is easier - "NOT"- to want to drink.

[Dallas]

Resentments and cancer have something in common. They both get worse and they kill -- when the person is unaware that they have them.

One thing they don't have in common -- cancer kills only the person that has it, while resentments kill the person, and their loved ones and friends and associates... and it takes the life out of living for those who come in proximity of the resentor.

Dallas

[dbarnes180]

I have read the four pages available and find myself wanting more! Isn't that just like an alcoholic.....

Selfishness and seflcentered... that is my problem.

My own expectations fuel these qualities in me. I have a sponsor, have done and continue doing the steps with a smile and without a smile. I am the GSR of my home group and have been doing this job since I was 6 months sober. When I have the opportunity to rotate out October 2010, (that will be three years at this position) I will not let the screen door hit me in the a@@ on the way out. Rotation , Rotation , Rotation.....
I have been taught from the beginning that service work, sponsorship, being in the middle of AA's will help me and it has in many many ways.
Twice I have asked my sponsor to let me resign ... twice I have been told to fulfill my commitment. Twice I have agreed to do so.
In a group with 40 to 50 AA's at each meeting I can not get folks to participate in service work. I don't mean 5 to 6 folks ... I mean zero. We have a commitment to carry a meeting to a local treatment center the months of June and December each Wednesday night of those months for 1 hour. Many times I am the only one who shows. (Yes I would like a little cheese with my WHINE... ) There is my director coming out.... There is my expectations.... Where is my acceptance? Down the toilet with my serenity!
Throwing page 417 at every problem is like the catch all for not dealing with life on life's terms to me. Do you see all the I's in this post ... it is all about ME don't you know.
My selfishness wants my home group to be out there beating the bushes doing the work and helping the alcoholic who still suffers....ME!
My selfcentered...ness wants my home group to see how good a job I am doing to get the message of AA out to the alcoholic who still suffers...ME!
I hear all the platitudes and acronyms and BB quotes in the meetings but see no ACTION beyond self serving in a warm, clean, controlled environment of the meeting room. This brings out the anger from my selfishness and selfcentered...ness plus it is self serving....it fuels my RESENTMENT. My righteous indignation of their pious behavior. ME! It is all about ME!
Wait
Let Go and Let GOD.... I believe God can move mountains and I also believe I had better have a shovel.
I don't even begin to say I understand people... I don't. Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob were presented a gift that I have been blessed to live in time that it was offered to ME. There is my acceptance....
Expectations...Self...Acceptance...Serenity...
Once again I must rely on the Serenity Prayer...so far it has worked so I will keep on working it.

Have a great day and holiday month!

take
care
a
friend
David

[ROBERT]

This too shall pass