- willingness to change, or step6

willingness to change, or step6




12 Steps: Discussions related to the 12 Steps and using them as a treatment to recover from alcohol and drug addiction.

willingness to change, or step6

Postby Rusty Zipper » Sat Oct 15, 2005 12:36 am

heyJR, saw your post about the big book story. loved reading what you and Mr BB had to say. ya wanted to talk about the steps. ok, lets yap it up!. today i was driving around. pouring rain, yet one more day at a time lol. was kind of reflecting. you see, the local intergroup is having there anual celebration. i was asked to speak. nice! but even better, is the other speaker is the fella that answered the phone the day i reached out and asked for help. wooooooooooooe! heavy stuff. was thinking of what some people call the forgoten steps. steps 6 & 7 the ones that offer us all the change that we need to handle all the selfmade stuff that we drank for. character flaws, defects, or whatever you like to call them.. JR, for me, this step was about willingness to change, and the "patience" to try. this was not easy for me. a life time of self-centeredness! Pffffffffffff! you bet. Jr, i took this step as i am trying to grow in the image of The Power That Be. i used to ignore trouble. run from fear. it was always there, and with unreason, bitterness, and blame. then i fought back. fought back with D & D. i had a whole ton of mistaken attitudes. all of that brought me here. so i "have" to change" steps 4&5 showed me myself ok! now what. im at a point where i'm not drinking. life is prety good. do i want to take it further i asked myself? you bet! i had a taste of heaven. and being the good alk'y that i am. i wanted more. and that was one of the bigest things this step showed me. i hope i'm not confusing you. it showed me, that one of my biggest flaws, was the flaw of "more"... we know that our flaws will be with us forever. sometimes glaringly up front. and some, just in hibernation. this step gave me a glimmer, that i can take anyone of my flaws, and turn it into an asset. some not yet willing to give up yet! you bet. thats where the patience comes in.... i live by doing now, and not thinking. action. the whole program for me is action...."how can i accept the entire implications of step 6? perfection? nope.! meidiocracy. thats what helps me.... as i was starting to discover the Great Reality at this point in time. i was starting to identify my emotions, and respond to them in the moment. i was begining to live life as it happened... today, i was ready to let go of a flaw... thats for step 7, so stay tuned to "As the Alk'y Turns" what i do know is that i have to have the best possible attitude for this lifetime job. ... so JR, i hope any of this might be of some help to you. ... good wishes to you as always my friend. all my xoxo, PC
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Postby Dallas » Sat Oct 15, 2005 1:23 am

Hey PC!!! Great to read from you!

If they tape that speaker meeting of your talk, I sure do hope that you'll send me a copy! Maybe we can turn it into an MP3 file and let everyone on the Web listen! As I was reading your post, I thought of how great it would be to be sitting in a meeting with you listening to you share.

Now... that's not to give you a big head or anything! Thanks for being here and thank you for sharing yourself and your recovery with us!

Dallas
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Sat Oct 15, 2005 10:50 am

flaw #1 "Ego" = swell head :oops:
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step 6

Postby JR » Sun Oct 16, 2005 3:02 am

Hey Rusty, I really appreciate you sharing on step 6. Everything you said sounds like step 6 to me, not confusing, just a life time job. I still have to do a 5th with my sponsor, but I'm not resting on my laurels until we are able to hook up. She has a different schedule than mine and I have really off the wall hours. As always, PC, I love how you share. It is always from the heart, I wish I could be more like that. Maybe I will someday if you keep sharing and I keep trudging.

Love you man,

JR
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step 6

Postby JR » Sun Oct 16, 2005 7:14 pm

This is sort of a step four and a step six thing, but I was always taught that it is easy to be "sober" under ideal conditions but our character defects really come out when our security, romance or prestige is threatened.

If someone or something threatens our finances or security or ability to provide for ourselves or family our character defects come out to play.

If someone or something threatens our relationship how do we react.

If someone or something threatens our standing in the community or how we believe others view us how do we react.

I am told that we get perfect release from the obsession to drink, but do we get a perfect release from our defects and difficulties?

For me the answer is in the 7th step prayer. We pray that God remove the defects of character that stand in the way of our usefulness to God and our fellows. Since I have the mind of an alcoholic, I do not know what that is. What defects of character need to be removed so that I will be useful to God and my fellows? Only God knows that. So, my real job is to be willing and ready.

I've tried to combat my pride and anger and selfishness (in all its many forms) with self will or trying to see things differently by changing my perception and it simply doesn't work for me. I pray for release, be willing and ready to be released and in Gods time it will happen if it is His will.

The short paragraph about step six in the BB is the Let Go Let God paragraph. BB pg. 76"Are we ready to LET GOD remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can He now take them all - every one? If we still cling to something we will not LET GO, we ask God to help us be willing".

Easy Does It?

JR
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Mon Oct 17, 2005 8:13 am

just a quick reply for now JR! ... try letting go of "self-justification" as it say. leave it to those better qualified!!! who might that be? those that are not alkyholics :shock: lado JR. xoxo, PC :wink:
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Mon Oct 17, 2005 8:15 am

JR, one more thing. we have to be freed from the fears of sex, security, and society
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another inventory

Postby JR » Sat Oct 22, 2005 10:44 pm

The first time I went completely through the steps was in 1984 and the person taking me through the steps had gotten sober in 1959, so maybe AA has changed since then. But I learned back then that the sixth step includes an inventory of our milder defects. In the 12X12 there are several questions in the step six section:

Do I like to feel superior to my fellows?
Do I let greed masquerade as ambition?
Do I speak love with my lips and let lust hide in a dark corner of my mind?
Do I practice self-righteous anger?
Do I gossip (a polite form of character assassination)?
Do I overeat?
Do I wish for things others have?
Do I procrastinate?

Some more added by my sponsor:

Not telling the whole truth, only the part that is convenient.
Not returning borrowed items.
Not cooperating with the plans of others.
Intolerance or lack of patience.
Giving the silent treatment or dirty looks.
Not tipping properly.
Cursing.
Not obeying laws i.e. littering, speeding, etc.
Fantasizing about physically harming others.
Watching too much t.v., sleeping too much.
Living beyond my means.
Feeling bad or angry at the prosperity of others.
Taking all or most of the credit.
Wanting what I want when I want it.
Refusing to follow advice.
Bragging.
Embellishing the facts.
Pointing out the faults of others.
Refusing to admit defeat.
Prejudice and bigotry.
Being miserly toward myself or others.
Being slow to pay debts.
Sulking or pouting.
Taking revenge or getting even.
Inability to persevere for very long.
Neglecting obligations.
Distaste for mental, physical or spiritual excercise.

Anyone could add to this list. In step four we barely scratch the surface by dealing with resentments, fears and sex. In step 6 we should increase our efforts to search out flaws in our character.

In addition to using the prayers and meditations in the BB and 12X12 here are some suggestions I was given by my sponsor to practice the principles:

Obey all laws.
Cooperate with the plans of others.
Occasionally refraining from giving my opinion.
Practice listening to ALL of what others say.
Stay out of the spotlight.
Perform acts of kindness for others without expecting anything in return, and if possible without them knowing it.
Practice gratitude: make a list of things you are grateful for.
Feed the hungry.
Visit the sick.
Avoid sexual opportunities that I know will cause harm.
Pick up litter.
Avoid debate.

This isn't the whole list, but it certainly could be added to.

The intro to this step in the 12X12 says "This is the Step that separates the men from the boys." This is the step that asks us to continue to do surgery on ourselves.

I am ready and willing and continue to pray each day that I be given freedom from the bondage of self; freedom from the defects that stand in the way of my being useful.

Easy Does It??

JR
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Sun Oct 23, 2005 12:32 am

Jr! nice to hear from you. your doing a wonderfull job. but JR, after reading all the minor flaws! .... "I Wanna Drink" :lol: no, not even funny :wink: again, remember that this IS a life time job. now its time for one of the dopey sayings. "progress not perfection" all we can do is be the best possible for the day. we are not saints, and never will be. step 10 will help you when you get to it again. ... one other thing, we can obsesse with trying for perfection. that in itself, can get us nerved up, make us stressed, anxious. we know where that can lead. so, "East Does It", "But Do It" :lol: we are sober to try to enjoy life, learn from it, and grow in the image of The Power That Be! nighters Jr xo, The Zip :wink: ps, can i add to that list? Jr, pppfff, i think ya covered them all :roll:
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step 6

Postby JR » Sun Oct 23, 2005 5:24 am

12X12 pg 65 says God asks only that we try as best we know how to make progress in the building of character...This does not mean that we expect all our character defects to be lifted out of us as the drive to drink was. A few of them may be, but most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement. The key words "entirely ready" underline the fact that we want to aim at the very best we know or can learn.

Progress not perfection, absolutely. Aiming at the very best I know or can learn What An Order, I can't go through with it!

This step asks me not to have an "Aint it grand the wind stopped blowing" attitude in sobriety. It tells me I have a life time job of "sincerely trying to grow in the image and likeness of my Creator."

Don't worry PC, I'm not in danger of becoming a saint or even trying. I just ask myself to consider the practice of these ideas and possibly actually try some of them.

It is just about learning how to be a good neighbor. It is stuff we should have learned in kindergarten, Sunday School, at our parents knee so it really isn't that big of a deal.

Hey PC, I love you man. You've really helped me. Your heart is so true and open. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself.

Easy Does It,

JR
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12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - willingness to change, or step6