4th step........yikes

[PeaceJoy]

My sponsor and I feel it's time for me to start working on my 4th step. I'm meeting up with her later today for dinner and a meeting and to discuss this <torture> step. Am I supposed to tell my sponsor everything and show her my list or can I do like I've heard of someone doing and go tell a priest or a random person I'll never see again? Oh wait.......I'm not Catholic. Just kidding. I hope I don't offend anyone. I'm just using examples here. It's just that my sponsor is also my best friend. There are some things I'd rather not share with anyone I will ever have to see again!

PeaceJoy~

[Dallas]

I understand. I had stuff I was so ashamed of -- I didn't even want to tell it to a dead man! Did the book say that the human being had to be alive???

Well. I'm not going to comment on this one. However, I will say -- that if it were me -- I'd ask my sponsor these questions.

At some point -- it's vital that we establish trust with our sponsor. I believe the reason that we have to do this -- is because when we "trust God" -- people like me are just bs'ing themselves about trusting God! They think they trust God. They believe they trust God. But, it's a delusion.

There is only two times I can have fear:

a. When I'm thinking about myself. And,
b. When I'm not trusting God.

For me, it's about "Faith without works is dead." If I really do have faith -- then, why am I afraid?

I'm wishing the best for you -- and I happen to believe -- that whatever you decide to do will be the right thing. And, the only problem is: it doesn't matter if I'm right or if I'm wrong -- it only matters if you're right!

Enjoy your time with your sponsor! You'll be glad you did.

Dallas

[RichC]

The fourth is tuff to get thru.
But it is your chance to unpack that shelf of yours and get rid of all that crap you have been putting up there.
I would recommend you do the fourth with someone you will most likely not see around much if ever again.
I also suggest you find someone who does this regularly.
A professional 4th stepper ya might say. It will be hard to shock those people and they know how to deal with those like us too.
Your local rehab will know these people and can help you get in contact with them.
One more suggestion.
Write it all down first and take it with you. Then destroy it afterward.
Sort of a gesture of you turning it over.
You will not believe how you feel after your done.
Shall I say the light at the end of tunnel can be finally seen even if it is still a bit dim.

My 2 cents anyway.

[Dallas]

I've discovered that I get far better results when I stick to following the instructions in the Big Book for taking the Steps.

[PeaceJoy]

The instructions in the Big Book and the 12 X 12 are rather vague I think. Maybe I overcomplicate it.

PeaceJoy~

[Dallas]

Have you seen this: www.step12.com/step-4.html It works like a map... (not a replacement) to guide you through the instructions in the BB, that way, keeping the Step firmly grounded in the directions contained in the Big Book.

Sometimes, I think much of the confusion comes from:

a. What we hear shared from people -- of things that are not in the book. The BB contains the actual directions for taking the Steps.

b. The 12 & 12. I love the 12 & 12, but it wasn't written (as Bill mentions in it) to replace the instructions in the BB. It was written for members that had already been through the Steps in the BB, and for non-alcoholics that were trying to better understand the philosophy.

[seabiscuit]

thanks dallas for your site and your wisdom.....

i am 10 1/2 years sober and a few weeks ago got sick and tired of being sick and tired with my emotional thinking and the ugly - reacting...it was as if i was at a bottom with my emotional sobriety....

she recommended your site to me - while she was going to be out of town and the fourth step guide you have laid out....

[Bensober]

In beginning my Fourth Step, my Sponsor actually uses the guide from the part of this site Dallas recommends for all of Sponsoree’s. It is a specific diagram of useful components that references the Big Book. In pulling up and downloading the www.step12.com/step-4.html on PDF, the components addressed all of my demons in a structured way. I took this a step further by going into this forum and meeting everyone and becoming part of this family.

I’ve was down in LA doing a recording last week and this weekend produced and played at concert called SoberStock with over ten thousand people attending (I am beat!) literally have not had a chance to check the post this last week. This is the second time I have been through the Fourth Step and with the guide from this site, then going “Into Actionâ€

[seabiscuit]

i "know" intellectually we are to get to "causes and conditions" - i love geoffs rather bullet pointed statements... i was doing this last night and mine are sentences does anyone have tips for getting to the bottom line... oh dreams sucked last night- total magnification of how i always feel forgotten, excluded, don't matter..... the good news is i trust the process and am "hopeful" for a change in perspective... after all we are after a "psychic change"......

[PeaceJoy]

Wow, Bensober I'm glad to hear you made it through the week and you lived to tell about it. That's about how I feel too. I didn't check in yesterday I don't think. So I actually started on my 4th step Wednesday night. I made it through 2 pages, up to about age 6. LOL This is gonna take awhile! I printed out the 4th step worksheets for this site but I needed more room in description so I am writing out each "incident" or resentment out in a certain format that my sponsor suggested. Then when I'm done I'm going to condense things up in Dallas' format and check the boxes, etc. I've written 6 pages I think and it's very draining bringing up all those old childhood memories. I've already found out some things about myself that are very enlightening. Because of my crazy life and the fact that I have zero privacy, I'm probably going to just keep plugging away a few pages a day. I know some people take a weekend and just go at it. I would love that but it's not possible for me.

PeaceJoy~