12 Steps: Discussions related to the 12 Steps and using them as a treatment to recover from alcohol and drug addiction.
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Postby lotusinbloom » Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:39 am

Hi all. I'm Deb C. and I'm an alcoholic and an addict.

I only have a very short period of sobriety. I entered detox on September 22nd and then straight into rehab 3 days later. When I left rehab I had only 15 days of sobriety. I relapsed on October 10th, got back on track on October 11th. Relapsed again on November 5th, got back on track the next day. Thus far, I have 16 days and I am not goint to give up what I've got so far. I want what you have. I've been praying religiously (pun intended :D ), reading my BB and speaking with my sponsor. I've already seen some small changes within me. But I also feel quite fragile...something I didn't feel when I drank and I used. I am Bipolar and the meds are actually working because I'm not adding chemicals and booze on top of them. I have some breakthrough depression but all in all, I am feeling better one day at a time. I am used to isolating and building a wall around me, however, I've made myself call the numbers that have been given to me and I keep in touch with other members. This is a big step for me. Since I returned from rehab, my marriage of 21 years has been rocked! My husband of 21 years had an affair with a good friend of mine that began right before I went to detox, all through rehab and after I returned home. This is the first time he has done this and while I am starting to forgive I am ambivalent to stay in the marriage because I do not want old patterns and the same old arguments to resurface. I am becoming a different person and I'm proud. I want him to be part of my recovery but am scared about what the outcome might be.....I know, I know...."thy will be done". I have a hard time surrendering my problems to God. I want to live life on MY terms and it is such a painstakingly hard habit to break, you know?

I am working on Step 1 with my sponsor. Reading the BB, taking notes, prayer, prayer, prayer and also meeting with her regularly.

I have seen through the program people who have had 40 years of sobriety. When I am in the rooms I feel like I have finally found "home". I want that to continue. They say its an easy program but what amazes me is that people with years and years of sobriety still continue going to meetings, etc. AA is a lifestyle and I am a bit of a procrastinator and I tend to jump into something with zeal and enthusiasm only to let it fade away.

What are you thoughts on keeping the momentum going so that I can stay in this program for the rest of my life.

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Postby Pebbles » Sun Nov 21, 2010 4:41 pm

Hello there-I'd have to say from personal experience, that when I stay involved with AA-I don't lose momentum. I stay involved by doing service work for my homegroup, sponsoring other people, and doing the steps myself on a regular basis. The more that I stay "IN" AA, the less likely it is that I'll relapse.

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Postby GeoffS » Sun Nov 21, 2010 7:39 pm

Don't ever worry about staying in the program for the rest of your life. You can't do that today. You can only stay in the program today.

Find a home group, find a sponsor and put down some roots in the fellowship.

Its too overwhelming to think of 'forevers' but together us alcoholics can survive this lfe -just one day at a time. Focus on the day as best you can and you'll soon find you've been doing it for a while.

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Postby lotusinbloom » Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:52 pm

Thanks everyone.....I need to STAY IN in the moment is so hard for me...I have a great sponsor and I am working the steps....I find so much peace through much peace...i'm having little epiphanies and starting to live life on life's terms....i am grateful i made it here....i am a control freak and that's part of the problem as i am constantly worrying about tomorrow, next week, next month, etc....all i can do is put everything into God's hands...thy will be done....i just came from a womens group meeting and feel great...there is a lot to be said for fellowship and how it keeps us sober....i used to isolate and now i'm slowly reaching out....

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Postby Bensober » Fri Nov 26, 2010 1:29 pm

Great Stuff Deb,

Control is the opposite of being "Powerless Over Alcohol". The real freak is the freak of nature in being a "Control Freak"! I get it! If I'm not in charge who I think I am will disappear! That's really not the case and what is nice about this Step is "I" was able to and had to disappear! The dirty "I" #%^^$$#*&^ demon was killing me. Learning to let this toxic control go has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

It has allowed me to retire from being in charge of the universe (especially those close to me) and begin to get free! This initially created a huge hole and vacuum.....ahhhh...then "We" then came into play e.g. "WE" admitted we were POWERLESS and then I didn't have to control you anymore and WE were able to connect and become a real part of eachother. For me this had to be focused on as soon as "I" felt the hole and vacuum..."I" was no longer, still isn't today and it became "We"! WOW!

For me all stress, all fear, all anxiety, all of my next drink consist of CONTROL!

All peace, all what is here & now, all what ensures and empowers all things to work, consist of letting go of CONTROL!

God Bless,
Ben H.

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Postby Toast » Sun Oct 30, 2011 3:10 am

Hi, heard a guy give a great explanation of Step 1 at meeting last night that I will attempt to explain as follows:

The word ‘Admit’ is much used in AA all this time we hear ‘ Admit, Accept & Act’ and also the 1st Step says we ‘ Admitted’ we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.

But what does the word ‘Admit’ mean in an AA context? Like many I thought it was me shamefully confessing to the whole world that I was a hopeless drunk. :(

But the word ‘ Admit’ also has a different meaning. For instance when we were kids and went to the movies the ticket said ‘ Admit One’ that means let him in, he is allowed, he has qualified for the terms of entry into the wonderful world of the movies. :D

And in an AA context this is what the word ‘ admit’ means. It’s telling us to take into our lives this great fact that we are alcoholics and therefore no longer hopeless, there is an answer. 8)

In AA the word ‘ admit’ is telling us to allow ‘Him’ into our lives and we will get better. Clear away the wreckage of our past and give ‘ Him’ a broad highway right into the centre of our being so he can work miracles with our lives! :lol:

Not sure if I got that word for word but you’ll get the meaning of what the guy was saying. And by the way this guy was no AA guru with a millennium of sobers years and a PHD in Soberology behind him. It came from a battered and beaten unemployed guy not long in the door.

God bless him. :lol:

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