- the s word and step 4

the s word and step 4




12 Steps: Discussions related to the 12 Steps and using them as a treatment to recover from alcohol and drug addiction.

the s word and step 4

Postby SereneJH4life » Thu May 24, 2012 12:45 pm

:?: I have been with my husband for 16... married to him for 12 years....my drinking started during..and progressed through those years....
Im working step 4...do I go back to past physical relationships that I had before i was drinking? there is a a lot of this act...(that as a newcomer to the site I am not allowed to writw) mentioned in the BB regarding step 4.i dont get it....
SereneJH4life
 
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Re: the s word and step 4

Postby Dallas » Thu May 24, 2012 1:27 pm

I'm not sure that I understand your question.
You're free here to write whatever you feel that you need to write -- if it's got to do w/ your recovery.

In regards to Step 4, on the Sex Inventory: The key words for me is "thorough" and "as we went back through our lives."

My personal opinion is that we should go all the way back to "as far back as we can remember" -- on everything in the inventory: Resentments, Fears, Sex Conduct, and Harms to others.

I do cautions -- especially with Sex Conduct -- that these be kept very private and secure -- where you are reasonably certain that it won't fall into the gaze of someone else -- especially, if you are in a relationship with them. And, that you feel reasonably certain, that the person you share this with in the 5th Step can be trusted -- AND that they are not your spouse or significant other. There are many reasons for this -- for your well-being and for the other persons well-being.

It's best to keep the entire inventory secure. If it's something that you wouldn't want someone else to know (which most often it is) -- write in a code that only you understand. Use symbols or something else to represent names or events or situations -- that you understand -- but they would not understand.

The only person that should see your inventory is your sponsor -- or whomever you do your 5th Step with. And, they have no need to read your inventory. The 5th Step is verbal -- with you sharing about what you've written -- and not them reading what you've written.

I hope that helps. If you need further clarification, or have other questions, or if I didn't answer your concerns, please continue to ask.

Best wishes
Dallas
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Re: the s word and step 4

Postby Toast » Thu May 24, 2012 4:35 pm

The thing for me was writing down my motives for getting into a relationship in the 1st place.

Was it ego, power, money, care taking or being taken care of, what made that person desirable to a sick guy like me and what was i hoping to gain out of the relationship?

Almost certainly it wasn't love, being a selfish and self centred alcoholic who was paranoid about what other's thought about me i was never driven by that.

Even when i got married love came later. I didn't fall in love and get married i got married 1st then fell in love. My thinking at the time was a wedding reception was a great idea for a party! But that was 32 years ago and we're still here. We both agree we had a really great time in the early years, then i got really sick and it turned too absolute hell. And neither of us wants to go back there so i'll just keep coming to AA.

And today i'm very fortunate to have a wife who believe's whole heartidly in AA. She said to me tonight (thursday) ' you not had a meeting since Sunday so guess where your going tomorrow night!'

Yes boss!

Love,light,laughter!
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Re: the s word and step 4

Postby SereneJH4life » Thu May 31, 2012 11:01 am

Toast- Thank you so much!!! You answered the exact question I was not even sure how to ask!!!

Dallas- did you keep your list to re-visit or did you tear it up?

My sponsor says after step 5 I will tear it up..but then how do you revisit the step if you dont have the list....
SereneJH4life
 
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Re: the s word and step 4

Postby Dallas » Thu May 31, 2012 10:20 pm

No. I didn't tear it up or burn it.
It was needed for my Step 8.

After my Step 8 list was completed, by using my 4th Step list,
my sponsor suggested that I hang on to my list to review it
one year later -- to see how many of the things that bothered me
still bothered me -- and how many were removed.
Dallas
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Re: the s word and step 4

Postby SereneJH4life » Tue Jun 05, 2012 1:51 pm

thanks Dallas...i think I will do that.
-jen
SereneJH4life
 
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Re: the s word and step 4

Postby Dallas » Tue Jun 05, 2012 4:02 pm

Nice to hear from you Jen. I hope you're doing well and that Life is treating you good
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