You're not alone w/ having some tough stuff of the past.
And, I'll leave it at that.
As I was reading you message, I was thinking. "Trust God. Clean house. Help others. Stay sober. And, when in doubt -- don't. Or, at least pause -- and wait for the right answer."
I'm totally grateful that God has put a unique sponsor in my life that I can feel comfortable with in going to him for stuff like this.
Best wishes for you.
Dallas