Here are a few things that were suggested to me:
Keep it simple ### sounded really complicated to me
####, take it easy; read, read, read; baby steps-gotta crawl before we walk; pick up the phone/talk to your sponsor; work your steps; and--here it ### ####....keep coming back-it works if ya work it ### it really ####.
Man...I tell ya...if anyone of those folks would-a said to me that 7 years from now, you'll be driving a school bus (sober and clean are big&definite requirements--no brainer there), you'll be living on ### the bank, of #### 10 acres of land that is lush, green, on a hill-side with a grand view, old fashioned, down to earth neighbors--and you'll like it--I'd have wondered which one of us just came off the sauce, them or me. It occured to me the other day, and the occurance came from deep down inside, with a gratitude and peace that were once so foreign to me--that thought was...wow! Here I am, doing exactly what I want to do, and doing that in the exact place I want to live...waaa-aay cool
. I was told once that true happiness isn't a deep-barrell laugh, that true happiness ####### actually brings a tear to your eye/puts a lump in your throat. Then it occured to me...that--to think--all I had ####### to do to have all that I have is stay sober??? What a concept! And...so simple
, too. At my first
first year...###, had to go out and prove to myself for sure that I am
--had to actually make sure, y'know, test that allergy theory
####, a guy of 4 years at that time wrote in the card, and then when he shared, said, that all of my dreams would come true ###'s what he ####, and added to that by saying that I didn't even know what those dreams were yet
, he then promised with "wait and see". He said that he knew that I didn't know what he was talking about then, but I would...if I kept doing what I was doing. Indeed...now
those words make sense, and
, another guy extended on that by adding that when I get to where I think that it couldn't possibly get any better, it only does. This is where when you hear that this is a journey that we're on...this is what it means.
When I look behind me, I see the growth--sometimes it's in leaps, sometimes it's so small, I feel as though I've lost some ground ###, that in itself is true in certain ####, but determination to get what I saw in those around me had is what kept me coming back, even after those slips. It was instilled upon me that this is, indeed, a life or death thing...and in those who have died--drunk--even, and in ways, especially those alcoholics--they, too, have done their part to help me gain sobriety, because I know, that could so easily be me. At the very first, sheer hatred itself ###, right? In hatred we have resentment, fear, anger, etc.,####, that sheer hatred for booze kept me off of it--but it wasn't enough. What I kept coming back for, was for what I was seeing in others--that little spark in their eyes, the compassion. I was out in the middle of a dark sea, and here was this "life-raft" with hands that kept reaching for me to grasp on to...the willingness to help, even me...who was...willing, to become willing ###...to become willing
####, they wouldn't give up if I didn't. The biggest entity I was fighting...was myself
. More importantly so, though, there was a HP...God as I understand Him
, He refused to give up on me.
I've heard some wonder if that craving ever really
goes away? For some, they say it does...some say if it doesn't, you're not serious enough...all sorts of answers come from that question. I know, for me, the ability to pick up has been removed, and there is no one else to thank other than God as I understand Him
for that, because I am, indeed, powerless over alcohol, and managability?? Hands down, that comes from Somewhere beyond me, too, because I'm always just a hair-trigger away. Came to believe that I could be restored to sanity?? Sanity?? What the heck was that?? Willing to hand my will and my life over? Well...my own best thinking
--gets me no place fast. I have a disease...alcoholism. Like with any other disease, we have good days, and we have bad days...my worst day sober is far far better than my best day drinking. The cravings? Yip, there are triggers, but I've gotten to a point where I can project beyond that drink--where basically how fast all of this can unravel and be gone. I think about that one episode of the John Laroquette Show, there's a hostage taking or something at the bus depot, and a guy holds a gun to Larogqette's head with an opened bottle of crisp cold beer placed before him, the guy with the gun says 'drink it or you die'. Laroquette, stares at the bottle, with a gun right at his temple, pondering
hard...finally...Laroquette says: you might as well shoot me, because if I drink that, I'll be dead anyway. The guy with the gun is stunned, has no idea what to do next ### course, right at that moment, police bust in, etc.,####, but...that moment
. That is the kind of strength that I pray for, the courage...to accept the things we can not change. Accept the unchangable, change the unacceptable--with wisdom.
Enough outta me, kids,
Keep coming back-it works if you work it, and--read a newspaper--the comic section first