Sorry to hear of the losses that you've been experiencing.
I can relate to part of it -- the divorce part. I've nearly had to put my dog down, but we (me and the dog) were granted a reprieve. I lost a cat once -- many years ago, while I was still drinking -- and I still think of that cat now. I felt like it was a loss of a child. It was the only cat that I had ever had and I never wanted another cat because I was afraid of the emotional pain if I had to go through it again.
The same thing with the divorce. I was afraid to love and to care again because it nearly killed me. That was experienced in sobriety. And, it felt like it did kill me at the time. It was tough to get through. And, thanks to God, the 12 Steps, and the Fellowship of AA -- they all got me through it.
My little sister gave me some advice many years ago that eventually came into play and helped me. (Interestingly enough, I've had to use the advice from her, since losing her, a little over a year ago). She told me that no relationship was ever designed to last forever -- other than our relationship with God. She said, that at the same time, all of our relationships are within us. And, it's our thoughts about the relationship that make it a relationship. So, all of our relationships last as long as we think about them -- even though physically, none of them last forever.
Her advice didn't help me at the time, because I wasn't ready to be able to use it. But, I did think about it a lot and tried to find something in the Universe that had a permanent relationship. I had grown up with the beliefs since childhood that some relationships are forever.
One day, I was listening to a guy sharing in a meeting. There was something about this guy that really impressed me. He seemed to have some sort of glow of honesty as he spoke. He was talking about himself, and he said "I learned that I had to put God first in my life." He said that when he took his third step -- he took it to mean that he was turning over all that he ever thought he owned to God. His life. His wife. His family. His kids. His dog. His car. His job. His business. He went on to say that none of this stuff was ever really owned by him, at all. He just though it was.
He made a decision that everything belongs to God. And, he took on the attitude that God was only letting him use it and take care of it.
He said, when he had car trouble -- that he asked God "God, why do you have such a crappy car that breaks down all the time? If I were you -- I'd drive something better than this old piece of junk!"
He said that by taking that attitude -- he never had another car problem. He said it was God's problem -- and not his problem.
He went on to say that he had been sober for a few years -- and had learned that anytime he put anything in front of God -- meaning #1 in his life -- he kept losing it. Even his sobriety. His business. His wife and family. And, he said, that he learned that whenever he kept God #1 in his life -- everthing else seemed to work out just fine.
I applied what I heard him say when I experienced my divorce and when I almost lost my dog. I took the attitude that "she belongs to God, she doesn't belong to me" -- and "it's really God's dog -- He only lets me take care of her."
I learned that it was my attachment to things, people, stuff, relationships, pets, businesses, jobs, etceteras -- that I thought were "mine" -- that caused me emotional crisis when I lost them. Naturally, we feel emotional pain with any loss -- but, for me, it was an emotional crisis -- if I was attached to it.
I decided to take on the attitude that I came into this world with nothing -- I'll leave this world with nothing (just like I came into it) -- and everything that came into my path -- wasn't really mine any way. I only thought of it as being mine.
That attitude has helped me numerous times over the years in sobriety -- to better cope and heal from my emotional pains.
I know the hurt from experience. As Robert mentioned, you're walking through it and feeling it -- rather than running from it (the emotional pain). Robert might not of said that, but that was what I perceived that he was saying.
Keep in mind that we're here for you. We love you. We care about you. Some of us have experienced your same type of losses -- and we made it through to the other side -- with our health and sobriety.
I know that for myself -- when I got to the other side of the divorce and the tremendous pain -- I learned a lot about myself. I learned also, that all of us are very emotionally fragile. We can break easy. And, I learned that I was able to get to the other side of my pain -- walking through it -- without drinking or die-ing.
Thank you for sharing your experience and what you've been going through with us. I know that it helps me.
My best wishes to you,