I find it difficult most of the time to separate my AA Program from my spiritual journey. I never had a spiritual journey until I came to AA, so they have coincided the whole time.
I think that I may begin to be understanding something (and, of course, I may not!). All the deep inner work and healing that I want to do on my road to recovery is not only a road to recovery from alcoholism. It is also a road to recovery from low self-esteem, from codependency, from insecurity, from apathy, from many things in addition to my alcoholism. If, and where, they are separate is where things blur.
I was very very confused when I did my first 4th Step, because I didn't know which "way" was the best way to do it, for me. Should I write out my life story? Should I use a treatment-center question-and-answer booklet? Should I use a Joe & Charlie handout? Or, maybe I should use that format in that big ole' clunky AA book I had.
Where I've come to, for now, is that doing the Steps as laid out in AA material is perfectly sufficient for me to arrest my alcoholism and to find and connect to a power greater than myself.
All the other digging that I want to do, the additional reading and writing and discussing, can be done in conjunction with my AA work. But, it is not necessarily a part of my AA work. It's a blurry line, but I am beginning to think that there is a line there somewhere.
Any thoughts on that?
One question I always had that I really never got a consistent answer to ~ and I haven't found the answer in the BB, so maybe someone else has? When we list our resentments, are we to list our current resentments, those that we still carry around? Or, are we supposed to go back in time and list every resentment that we can ever remember having, even if we don't still hold that feeling? I would think it would only be the former, as that is all that is blocking us from the sunlight of the spirit; yet I have heard so many folks say that we need to go back to ALL resentments.
Thoughts on that, too, please.
Hi Barbara ~ Hmmm. I have had the same sponsor since the beginning, so I don't have experience to share. My thoughts, though, are mixed. If I began to sponsor someone who had already done a 4th step, I don't think that I would automatically have them re-do it just because I was not there when they first did it.
However, I am one of those who does believe in doing more than one 4th Step. I did my 1st one at around 7 months' sober. It was as thorough as it could be at that point in time, but much more rose to the surface thereafter. So, I do see her point in perhaps other issues coming to light since your first 4th. I view the 10th Step as a step to address new resentments, etc. that arise, and the 4th Step for those old ones that may have been buried under the surface. So I did a 2nd Fourth Step, and a few months ago realized some other old stuff I was carrying around and am dragging my feet but feeling I want to do a 3rd 4th step.
Not knowing you at all, I of course have no idea if this applies to you, but another thought I had was that, perhaps your sponsor sees something in you that causes her to believe that you have unresolved resentments that you are carrying around, hence her request. Just a thought.
Let us know how it ends up.