Step One – the most often misquoted Step of the 12 Steps!

[ROBERT]

Dallas mentioned a grieving process....boy can I relate to that....I want to share how that same process happened to me, in hindsight, in regards to a most unlikely scenario..prison..I spent 16 mos. there and at the time I believe I was in a sort of shock emotionally--never experiencing prison before the only thing to go on was my perceptions, and messages in my mind- planted there thru-out my life--it was a scary,uncomfortable,unpredictable, hostile environment and I HAD to endure...just last week I was talking to the head of recovery services there via the phone, thank God, Mr. B. a recovering person himself was a huge part of my life in there...I maintain contact w/ the people that were part of that experience who work in the prison..as we talked a feeling of sadness came over me? I was a little confused...then It dawned on me ....I was grieving that letting go of that time in my life...as difficult a time it was, there is a part of me that is gratefull to have experienced it!! I would not want to go thru it again ..BUT- I wouldn't CHANGE a thing..that experience, for me, was priceless. So life seems to be a series of happenings, that will change, or go-away, what ever the case- grieving seems to be a part of the process whether the experience was painfull or delightfull- as I move on and up (hopefully up) to different levels of awareness, and insights..I grieve the loss of the former. Dallas-thanks your post reached me....

[Dallas]

Thank you, for sharing, Robert! I enjoy reading about your adventures... many of which, I can identify with you!

Dallas

[Ranman99]

There is a fellow that was from Scotland who lived in Singapore but moved a while back. At every meeting when he introduced himself he would says his name and then add "my life is unmanageable drunk or sober". That will stick with me for a long time. I like these little mental tricks we can use to remind us of things. Like most of us and as my sponsor reminds me we have very good forgetter. Just like the woman who introduces herself as chronic Chris.
I like what I have read here and I see some talk about the first half of step one all the time in meetings and to me I guess it is just the hyphenated pause as the early members pondered what was on their mind and stated the obvious. Today that phrase reminds me that I am powerless over people, places and things and when agitated to simply step back take a breather and ask myself what is the next right move for me. There is only one real power I have in this world and that is to decide my next choice and take my next action. My free will which allows me to take a great step forward or tear someone a new ‘A hole’;-) Everything else is outside my realm of control.
Don't want to be a slave to self righteous anger and a hundred other ways of behaving that simply propagate unmanageability in my life
I think today that any exercise that allows me to remember what I am, who I am and where I want to go is all good!
Ciao,

[robbiechaos]

Booze definately was my solution. It gave me serenity.Something I certainly didnt have in any other part of my life. From the first time I drank or used drugs I did them to get F***ed up. I wasnt at peace unless I was. And everything In my life I did "Balls to the Wall". I Had much success in despite my alcoholism. But I would always hit that glass ceiling, the bottom of a glass of southern comfort. I studied a mixed martial art for over a decade and became an incredible fighter, but hit a ceiling(or a bottom) when the training went from the physical into the spiritual. I got my peace from a bottle and that kind of peace doesnt make you a kung fu master. No matter how many times the master said I had to "empty my cup", I just didnt know what he was talking about. LOL I thought he was tellin me to drink faster.

[ROBERT]

Makes sensei to me

[Dallas]

I understand! And... I understand it's very frowned upon to show up at the dojo after a few drinks! I got my glass ass kicked for that!

Dallas

[ROBERT]

Alcoholics definition of FEW----(F)orgot-(E)xactly-(W)aah!

[Ranman99]

Crikey I have not read e post every post on the site yet but I'm just pondering how many of us have dabbled in the martial arts!!!

My last dozen or so years of drinking was all binge drinking on business trips or whenever my wife would go out of town for a trip or something.

from 1999 to 2004 we were taking Tai Kwon Do in Malaysia. This is my third are I have dabbled in and quite frankly I have always seen the benifit of martial arts but I digress ...

Any who managed to get a red belt but damn lucky I never had a heart attack as every three weeks or so I would be off binge drinking and chain smoking ... man what a long strange trip it's been. Now that I have come back in from the cold and my daughter just turned 5 my thoughts are drifting to giving it another go with here next year. We'll see how it goes.

I also have about 20 books on my shelf regarding meditation. At least now I am aware that there is some good stuff on the net so I can stop wasting paper

LOL - It's all good!

[Dallas]

I've got a black belt in Kung Fu movies!

And... I'm better than Bruce Lee!!! (I'm still here! In real-time and not just reel time!"

No. I just used to go get my butt kicked once in a while.

I used to have a night club and hired me a half dozen Samoan bouncers that were from somewhere in Fiji. Those guys were so tough -- I probably only needed one of them!

One night we had a group of about 20 bikers come in and were going to tear the place up. Two of my guys took them all outside and squished them all into the ground. It was like watching two Bruce Lee's take on Peter Pan Girlie Gang!

When the club was closed we'd work out together and they'd show me a few things.

And, I also got interested in kick boxing and trained a little with Benny the Jet. But, as I say... I only used to get my butt kicked. I was drinking a lot so I could take it!

It was pretty cool. On Saturday Night Fight nights we'd have guys like Chuck Norris come in and it made it a really special and exciting experience just to meet and to watch.

We're sure getting a ton of milage and 15 rounds out of this First Step topic! huh???

We must be at Intermission. Care for some hot dogs and pop corn??

The good ole' days... when I was young, trim, fit, in fighting shape, two sails in the wind, and could kick a goose out of the air! Yeah. Right. I'm sure you've heard those stories before! Us alkies man! I've been a pilot, a brain surgeon and a politician... all on the same night and on the same bar stool! I could have fixed all the worlds problems if they would have listened to me -- and I couldn't even control my drinking! LOL!!!

On the next night... a hot young blonde Occupational Therapist took me home with her. She was a real 10!!! She got naked layed down on her bed... and beckoned me over to her... And, out of the corner of my eye... I saw the biggest bottle of vodka I've ever seen in my entire life -- sitting on her breakfast counter!

It had to be at least a gallon. Good stuff too! And, it was strapped into this chariot looking thing with wheels on it, and you could tip the chariot to pour out a glass full of vodka!

She had some of these plastic Tupper-ware soccer-mom urban housewife tumblers... and I got me one... filled it up to 1/2 inch from the top with straight vodka and then squirted a splash of o.j. in it to give it some color!

I told her "Just a second! I'll be right there... just a quick little shot first!"

Man, you guessed it... she's laying there on her bed... watching me for a little while... all naked and pretty and sexy... and to me, God never created anything as beautiful as a woman! And, this was one of his finest works ever! -- I didn't even get my clothes off! I sat there downing tumbler after tumbler until that baby in the chariot was gone! I'd slug a tumbler down... then puke it right up! And, did it again and again and again and again... She's lucky I didn't puke on her bed! Because I got it all over the carpet as I would run to the bathroom to up-chuck in the toilet when I'd feel that hot-burn coming back up from my stomach through my throat out my eyes, ears, nose and mouth all at the same time!!! Well, it seemed like it was coming out my ears, too!

The chick just layed there naked and pretty and slept through the whole thing! You can imagine her surprize when she woke up!

And, here I am, sitting on her couch when she wakes up... stinking... full of guilt and remorse over the way I messed her house up. And, wondering if she thought I was gay or something because I didn't make it to bed with her! Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization to the max!!!

She drove me back to the club to look for my car. I didn't have a clue where it was... and this chick that definitely must have had some Al-Anon tendencies... she gave me her phone number and told me to call her again!!! Can you imagine that? As pretty as she was. As educated and intelligent that she was... she gives her number to a puker that just wasted her apartment and says "call me when you want to do it again!" Now, that's got to be one sick puppy!!!

But, that experience... it's what narrowed me down to my bottom. I was so embarrassed... not for puking, even though I felt bad about that, I was thinking... "how could I ever have sex with her now... when she might be wondering if I'm gay or something because I didn't sleep with her the last time!!"

I'll tell you. I love women. And, the day I found myself reaching for a bottle instead of a beautiful naked woman that wanted me... that was enough to convince me that something had happened to me that wasn't right... it wasn't normal. It so wasn't me!!! And, within just a couple of days after that... I ended up in my first AA meeting, on New Years week-end in 1985! That's another long story... so I better shut it down now before I get kicked off for writing such a long message!

Well. Were we talking about Step One, here? I hope so! I don't want that to look like one of those "just another one of those drunk stories!"

Dallas

[Ranman99]

I love it. After I've been hanging around for a few more 24 hours on this site I'll share how I got kicked out of Taiwan.

I can laugh about it now. One of those HP saved my ass when I couldn't even wipe mine stories.

... like sure we've all been kicked out of bars but have you ever been kicked out of a country It's a funny story but not so funny at the time as per usual.

Just remembered (as per the geese in the air) years ago before the current wife I tried to demonstrate my prowess doing a round house over my girl friends head at a party but of course I was pretty loaded. So I proceed to land a kick on the side of her noggin and her glasses fly across the room and break on the wall. Kinda put an end to our party night right there

I qualify again.

Ciao,