Hello Lena, Welcome to the site. Glad you found us.
I understand. I lived in a large town -- had been in the nightclub business and was known by many. My head said "Oh Dang! What will people think of me if they find out I quit drinking!"
Well -- if I didn't quit -- what they would have been talking about was "Remember that guy Dallas? Oh yeah! We remember! How long has he been dead now?"
I felt like it was more insulting to my reputation to get sober and clean up my life!
The things we think when we're newly sober! I've been there -- like I said -- I understand. And, I'm here and will offer to help you if I can.
I tended bar in two popular places after I got sober. I didn't need to -- I guess I was just not being very smart -- but, I didn't drink! Went to a lot of AA meetings and tended bar in between meetings. I got to watch a lot of people drink -- wishing I could have been one of them!
In one of the night clubs that I had before sobriety -- I actually quit drinking for almost six months. When people asked me "Why aren't you drinking? Got a drinking problem?" I'd laugh & say "Yep. I'm drinking up all my profits!"
Another thing I often said was "I can't drink because I love it too much!"
When I'm around drinkers now that want to buy me a drink, I let them know that I don't drink. Now, I tell them that I'm a recovering alcoholic and I'm sober and don't want to screw it up. However in the beginning -- I wasn't so brave about it ... So, I said (and, it's the truth) "I developed an allergy to alcohol! Just like people have allergies to peanut butter, strawberries and bee stings -- I can't drink it."
I also have an allergy to Vitamin B12 shots. I break out in welts and in the ER if my doc were to give me one.
There are several people in AA that were in or still are in -- the booze business. Just like there are some docs, cops, bankers, lawyers, car dealers, judges, outlaws and homeless people, too! It's quite a mix! Which keeps it fun.
I doubt seriously -- that if anyone that cares about you -- will hold it against you for being in AA, recovery, or sober -- they are the lowlife people that you don't want in your life anyway.
Hang in there & keep coming back!