Introductions this forum is All About You!

[Susan]

Welcome Debvan, my recommendation is not to take anything another person says in a meeting PERSONALLY!! When someone say's something ### it is about them and not you. Remember we can disagree with integrity. Ignore abusive or offensive comments. CONSIDER THE SOURCE!!! THIS PERSON MAY NOT BE ALL THAT NICE. Some are sicker than others.

[debvan]

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[ReaderRat]

Hello,
Thank you for sharing. It helps to share when you have a problem - it lessens the load.
I, too, have a problem sharing in meetings. At first, I went to a few meetings where , if no one is talking for a minute, they would call on someone to share. I am a shy person who is terrified at having to speak publicly. My hands get cold and clammy, my mouth goes dry, and every thought vanishes from my mind. It's very embarrassing. Thank goodness now there are hardly any meetings that do that. My sponsor is my sounding board, and I asked him about this problem. He said that, until I felt comfortable with AA, if someone asked me to share, just say,"My name is Ben H, and I am an alcoholic, I pass."
On having someone rude or insensitive make fun of your comments, that person, no matter how long he has in the Program, is not working THE Program and practicing the 12 Steps. He is working HIS Program, and, as said above,"Some are sicker than others." How do you treat a sick person? As the Big Book says, you pray for them. [paraphrase] Take about a week or two, and pray for that person to get well and that he may get all the things you want from the Program. After a couple of weeks, you will be surprised to see how he has changed.
Another amazingly helpful thing to do is recite the Serenity Prayer when someone disturbe your serenity like he did. Recite it and MEAN IT. Some people will never change, will never get the benefits of working the Steps for life. I am a sort who will not just settle for sobriety. I want all that God has planned for me. I try not to sweat the small stuff (rude people).
By all means, get a sponsor as soon as you can. You need a guide and companion on the road to happy destiny. God bless, and Happy Easter....

[Susan]

You are in a tough spot when all the women know your husband. You can pass at a meeting. When we speak at a meeting it must be on the topic , if it is a discussion meeting. If it is a lead you only comment to say thanks. Now if they want you to talk to them then that is a different thing. What type of meetings are you attending?

[debvan]

Thanks for replying.

Yes I know I need a sponsor and I want a sponsor. I keep my ears open for a sponsor all the time. Just very difficult. Approximately every 3 or 4 months I will have a meeting away in one of the larger cities around and I have attended AA meetings there. Especially if I am traveling alone and have evenings to myself. This gives me somewhere constructive and safe to go.

As far as meetings go.............I know they are closed meetings except for the last Friday of each month. And at the end of the openings we are asked if there are any concerns relating to our addictions or any comments regarding the daily reflection. If no one speaks up first, then we just start around the table and everyone talks in order of seating.

I am already learning from having signed on. Thanks.

[Dallas]

Hello Deb, Ben, and Finch!

Great to hear from all of you -- and Happy Easter Eve to you all!

What a nice luxury it is to log-in and find some wonderful sharing here from some great A.A.'s from all over the country!!! What more could I ask for? Late on a Sunday night. All the meetings are over. The local AA's probably sleeping... and the site here makes it like a late nite AA hang out, where I can pour a cup of coffee in an online coffee shop and sit and fellowship with you! It's just amazing! The only thing missing is a waitress to tip and the chance to get a hug or a hand shake!!!

First, I'll offer an answer some of Deb's questions, and maybe a comment or two.

But what I hear about going through the 12 Steps, an enlightenment-Spiritual Awakening can overcome them with some sensitivity-serenity.

You heard right, Deb. That's what the 12 Steps are for: to produce that enlightenment-Spiritual-Awakening, to produce a transformation in thoughts and actions and attitudes, and to empower you with a conscious-contact with The Something that can help you overcome all your problems, and to give you the sensitive-serenity to match the calamities and conflicts in life.

We would think that "If they can do all that -- then, why wouldn't everyone want to do them?" Or -- "if they'be been around AA for a while... why haven't they changed or gotten much better than they are?"

It's baffling, why they won't or why they don't. This could turn in to a long answer from me, because I believe I know why... but, I promised myself I was going to try to keep my answers short tonight, and maybe someone will start a new thread or topic on each of the individual questions where we can offer more indepth answers.

So my short answer to this one:

Their alcoholic Ego refuses to admit that they are wrong about the 12 Steps and about A.A., and they think they are uniquely different, and that they know it all have it all figured out -- already. When a person thinks they know it all -- they've already closed the door on having an open-mind that will let them take in new information so that they can develop a new awareness -- and try some new and different ways of doing what they've been doing. Thier logic is "Well, I have been staying physically sober." And, their reasoning is: "If I've been staying sober -- I must be all right, and that's the best I can do, and all that AA or the 12 Steps has to offer." If a person thinks "I have it all" -- how can they know if they are missing something?

That is a reason why I do not share and keep alot bottled up. I just figure no one wants to hear what I have to say...

That could be a past problem for you... because the solution is in front of you... WE WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY!"

And that I have alot of questions. I have asked them and I am told there is no wrong or right answer.

I'm happy for you that you have a lot of questions! That's the sign of an intelligent and wise person... they always have a lot of questions! People like Einstien, (I probably mis-spelled his name)... became famous for the thousands of questions that he had! He sure believed that "there are right and wrong answers".... and I do, too. I have heard "there are no right or wrong questions"... and I believe that. But, there are right and wrong answers. The first one is, if someone asks me: "Do you want a drink?" There is always ONLY ONE RIGHT ANSWER to that question, and it's "NO!"

Do you have to talk every meeting? Is that mandatory?

Ben, gave a good answer to that, above, when he shared what his sponsor told him:

He said that, until I felt comfortable with AA, if someone asked me to share, just say,"My name is Ben H, and I am an alcoholic, I pass."

I also do not have a sponsor. I live in a very rural community. We are very fortunate to meet 3 times a week.

I understand. Hopefully, we can help you here until you have the luxury of finding a sponsor... and even then, hopefully, we can still be helpful.

If you have one of those uniquely "women" topics, or problems... there are women here, like Finch, that would be happy to help you. And... you can be sure... (probably reasonably sure...) that she doesn't know your husband! And, she might even have experience with husband problems! I don't know... you'd have to ask her that! And, there are other women here on the site like TJ, and others who will be happy to help you.

I am grateful to be happy the majority of the time and sober 100% of the time (since Friday, however it has crossed my mind).

Geesss!!! Isn't that wonderful? To be grateful to be happy the majority of the time... and sober 100% of the time! To me -- that defines "the good life!"

Now... another comment or two on Ben's reply:

I am a shy person who is terrified at having to speak publicly. My hands get cold and clammy, my mouth goes dry, and every thought vanishes from my mind. It's very embarrassing.

I understand, Ben. I think that's a Georgia problem! I was born in Atlanta, and that described me to a tee! I had the problem so bad -- that the only time I could talk to people was after a few drinks! And, after a few drinks I felt so wonderful that I decided to become a salesman! And, I was THE BEST salesman ever!!! (As long as I had a few drinks)... my real problems started when I either had too many drinks, or not enough drinks, or if I was sober!!!

But, A.A. helped me with that. I know that today, I "could be" THE BEST saleman ever" (at least in my mind and many other minds) and do it SOBER... because of all that A.A. has done for me! I know that I can be the BEST ME ever... and do it SOBER... because of A.A. And, anything else I wanted to do or be... I could do it sober... because of A.A.

Some people think I give AA too much credit. I believe I don't give enough. For me... as long as I'm keeping hooked in to what I've learned and been given in A.A. -- I'm hooked in to God, as I understand God. And, I'm happy. And, I can stay sober. And, I can do all the things I ever wanted to do -- sober. And, if I've got that... and I'm sober... what more could I ask for? I never had that before my involvement A.A.!

On having someone rude or insensitive make fun of your comments, that person, no matter how long he has in the Program, is not working THE Program and practicing the 12 Steps. He is working HIS Program, and, as said above,"Some are sicker than others." How do you treat a sick person?

And, that's the real truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!!!

Some people will never change, will never get the benefits of working the Steps for life. I am a sort who will not just settle for sobriety. I want all that God has planned for me. I try not to sweat the small stuff (rude people).

Ben, we're very similar! Yep. Must be a Georgia, thing. I want all that God has planned for me, too!!!

It's a sad fact that some people will never change. They have the opportunity.... but, they will never take action to manifest it.

And, our little spirit bird, Finch!

You are in a tough spot when all the women know your husband.

Isn't that the truth! I'll bet a husband could be in a tough spot over that one, too!

Thanks for letting me share!

Dallas

[Kelly]

Welcome Larry, Ben, and Deb! It’s good to have you all with us. Please keep coming back and sharing.

Deb, I am a lot like you and a very private person. I am slow to trust and don’t feel comfortable sharing too much of myself at meetings. That’s why this forum has been so very helpful for me. I am able to “reallyâ€

[Dallas]

Today makes 2 weeks sober for me and going to the meetings is making the all the difference for me.

Congratulations, Kelly!!!!!

I'm sure happy to hear that you have two weeks sober, now... and happy to hear from you, too!!!! It's also nice to know that the meetings are helping you! They sure do help me! And, it helps me to know that they are helping you, too!

Dallas

[debvan]

Thanks Kelly, Dallas and everyone,

Went to AA last night. There were 12 there-2 women. Everything pretty much went okay. This fellow I have spoken about earlier was less direct yet still subtle that everyone knew certain remarks made were directed to certain people in attendance. One towards me and some towards others. He makes my heart feel sad for him. Most of the evening when he did speak he referred most things back to his going through the 12-Steps which took well over a year.
And how today he goes through the whole process daily to function and not drink. I guess everyone has their own learning curve.

I, myself was quiet. The day was a normal hectic Monday at work. And after work I spent a couple hours with a friend whose husband totalled a family car last night while drinking and driving. He has no license from previous DWIs and no insurance. And he remembers nothing. So my thoughts were elsewhere. I encouraged her to go to Al-Anon with my husband but she felt she had to get home to set some ultimatums. I had offered to call him and to pick him up for AA but he was at work..............maybe Friday night.

I often felt so blessed after my wreck to have survived virtually unscratched as opposed to my car. I had always said God was not done with me yet. Maybe I can be of some help to my friend and her husband. If so I will know why God did not want me. And who knows there may be more reasons in my tomorrows.

Be Safe and Sober. Thanks Again
Deb

[Dallas]

Nice to hear from you, Deb!
Thanks for checking-in and letting us know how you're doing!

We be thinking about you!!!

Dallas