HALLELUJAH for your Susan! Congratulations on the best decision of your life! Courage!
New Jersey - That's way up in northeast Texas, right?
Oh, girl, lemme tell ya sumthin ... There is NO OTHER PLACE you can talk about this stuff and be understood. There ain't a soul in there who wasn't like that. Not one woke up one morning and said, "Hmmm ... I think I'll go to an AA meeting. Now THAT sounds like FUN!
If they laugh, believe me, they're laughing at the irony that THEY DID THAT, TOO! Not at you.
When somebody let's it all out, they pay attention. It reminds them, especially after many sober years, of the hell they escaped. I have to remember that as I get farther away from my hell and forget my depravity. I'm in a WONDERFUL place now. And I weigh the difference constantly.
RELAX! As they say here, "Easy Does It". NOT REASONABLE at first. We all know that. But that's what does it. I had to relax and start diligently pounding sobriety into me. Not pounding myself over my past. I've got enough left over collateral damage to repair from that. I can't fix anything till I fix myself. And, working this program calmly yet intensely is fixin' me.
Welcome here. I, too, am lookin' forward to hearing more from you.
You go, girl! But stay here.