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[Susan68]

Hi, I'm Susan and an alcoholic from New Jersey. Sober 39 days; my first attempt at sobriety. I'm 41 years old; an attorney. One day I decided I wanted to stop my alcohol use from causing the problems it had been causing the last year (no suggestion from anyone) and so I went to an AA meeting. My thoughts and emotions are all over the map. Everyone in the meetings seems so full of conviction. Not me. I spoke for the first time in a 1-2-3 step meeting last week and I lost it; made a total fool of myself I feel. It's like something took over me and I just let it all spew. I felt bad because I got so caught up in my tears and my story we went overtime -- which is a "no-no." I'm too embarassed to go back to that meeting. I am thus lurking in this truly "anonymous" web meeting place. This ia great site. I especially like the sobriety calculator. I always check my date using that before I head off to a meeting where I'll have to raise my hand and announce my day count.

[Dallas]

Hello Susan!!! Welcome to the site!!! Great to have you!

Obviously... you are a very bright and intelligent attorney!

Don't worry about the speaking thing! You should have seen me the first time I spoke! (Please! Someone! Put a muzzle on that guy!)

That's one experience that most of us are familiar with. In AA, we're all thinking about ourselves so much that we rarely think anything of what someone else does! So... I'm sure they understand and will be wanting you to return to the meeting. Don't ever let anything keep you away from a meeting that you like... not even yourself!

I'm looking forward to reading more from you and getting to know you!

An attorney and a rock star -- were two of the most wonderful dreams that I had for myself -- before I got in so much trouble with my drinking that it wrecked my opportunities to pursue those dreams.

Keep coming back! I'm waiting to read more from you!

Dallas

[ccs]

Hi susan WELCOME!!!!
its nice to have you here hope you will continue to share here
sometimes we just need to let it all spew

I`ll bet if you go back to that meeting they will welcome you with open arms because they where all where you are now thats the wonderful thing about this program we dont judge
we need you as much as you need us we need to share with you how we did it and we need you to remind us of what it used to be like for us
thats part of how this works I hope you will keep coming back here and to the meetings
in the meetings we are all the same just alcoholics trying to stay sober one day at a time and sharing the message with the new guy/gal
I`m glad you are here hope to hear more from you soon

LUV-2-ALL Cessie

[sunlight]

A warm welcome, Susan! Happy you are here!

I let it all hang out from the start, even if they laughed or rolled their eyes, because I needed to be real or die. People understood, because they were that way themselves at one time! Today, I still tell it like it is for me in meetings. It not only helps me, but often someone else needs to hear it because they feel the same way. We're more alike than different.

Feel free to hang with us. We're a great group to practice with!

Happy sobriety counting.
Love, Sunlight

[tim-one]

HALLELUJAH for your Susan! Congratulations on the best decision of your life! Courage!

New Jersey - That's way up in northeast Texas, right?

Oh, girl, lemme tell ya sumthin ... There is NO OTHER PLACE you can talk about this stuff and be understood. There ain't a soul in there who wasn't like that. Not one woke up one morning and said, "Hmmm ... I think I'll go to an AA meeting. Now THAT sounds like FUN!

If they laugh, believe me, they're laughing at the irony that THEY DID THAT, TOO! Not at you.

When somebody let's it all out, they pay attention. It reminds them, especially after many sober years, of the hell they escaped. I have to remember that as I get farther away from my hell and forget my depravity. I'm in a WONDERFUL place now. And I weigh the difference constantly.

RELAX! As they say here, "Easy Does It". NOT REASONABLE at first. We all know that. But that's what does it. I had to relax and start diligently pounding sobriety into me. Not pounding myself over my past. I've got enough left over collateral damage to repair from that. I can't fix anything till I fix myself. And, working this program calmly yet intensely is fixin' me.

Welcome here. I, too, am lookin' forward to hearing more from you.

You go, girl! But stay here.

Love,
Tim1

[Jools]

Susan,

Put the stick down, hon. I've done the very same thing you did and it really helped me to get it all out. I even continued to go to the same meeting and people didn't judge me, they actually thanked me for helping them stay sober because we sometimes forget where we've come from.

Please go back.

Sincerely,
Julie

[Susan68]

It was really nice to find this site. Thank you all for the welcoming and encouraging comments. Made me feel much better about my meltdown. I am continually shocked at myself since I decided to do this; no standard thought process (thoughts are all over the place); unexpected emotional displays, etc.

Dallas, two careers that are chock-full of alcoholism. The day I became an attorney was the day my alcohol use (abuse) took that turn into obsession. Probably would have anyway, but boy oh boy . . .

I hope to hear more about all of you and your stories on these forums. I'll surf around in here, see what else is going on. Thank you again.

[garden variety]

Hi Susan,

I'm a little late here, but welcome.

An attorney, huh? I'm an accountant by trade - don't think I ever mentioned that before. Anyway, glad you could join us, and please stay. You won't be sorry. Sobriety is the best thing that I ever found.

God bless,
Paul

[BostonGuy]

Susan,

No worries about sharing at the step meeting. A burden shared is a burden halved!

I decided I was sick and tired of being sick and tired this February. Tonight is day 120 and I definitely feel much better than I did a few months ago.

Welcome to the board and good luck!

Paul

[ccs]

Hey Boston !! Way to go congrats it really is wonderful isnt it?