'k ... I'm back .... whew ....
How come every stinkin' time I come here, it's AAALL about ME? I'm gett'n sick of y'all talkin about me in front of my back. Don't
STOP THAT! Lord
Hey, Gary. You're doing such a great job bringin' up all the right question for me. Geez ... you're making me stay sober, bud! Thanks.
You'll notice how important your story is to peops like me as indicated by the following LONG-AS-HELL mental excercise.
OH NO, this ain't it. NOW I'm gonna blidgeon you with the OTHER stuff you made me think.
They all told me to make sobriety job one. The only important thing. Ferget about your wife, your job, your finances, your children, everything.
WHAT???? HELL ... All that stuff is why I came in! To KEEP all that! That's the stoopidest thing I EVER heard!
But, I tend to "balk" at everything right off the bat. But, knowing the thinkin' I did to get me IN, I always thoroughly consider it all. Griping is my way of convincing myself that they are right, not to convince myself that I'm
right. Internalizing. Owning it.
The way I thunk it out was very helpful to me. "Submitted for your consideration." (Rod Serling - Twilight Zone)
On every flight I take, I'm always told to, "Put your own oxygen mask on before helping your children with theirs."
Perfect sense to me. If I'm passed out, I'm of no help to anyone else.
If I don't stay sober, I'm of NO value to my wife and job and WILL CONTINUE to ruin everything.
'Ight - Gotta make sobriety job one. uh .... HOW?
"Turn my life and my will over to the CARE of my HP."
Remember the quote, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours." Didn't mean much to me before now.
Well, the things I love never will be mine again. Maybe HP will let me take care of them for Him someday after He trains me for the job.
So, in my spiritual way, I swallowed my pride and my hopes and my fears and said, "Ok, Father, take my wife .... PLEASE. (Yeah, my HP has a GREAT sense of humor. That's the way we talk. And He's got a Texas accent.) ...
Anyway, "Here's my wife, Lord, take her. She's Yours. Don't let me ruin her, cuz you know I will if I get a chance. I want her to be happy. If I get to enjoy her happiness or can have anything to do with it, I'm all for that. But if You can make her happy without me ... DO THAT.
But, only if it's YOUR will, please let me know if I can help. Maybe I can just take care of her for You. That's up to you."
"Father, Here's my job. It's Yours. I can mess it up just fine all by myself. I've spent a lot of money and effort to be self-employed. My wife supported me believing in me. I'm giving it to You believing in You. Take it, Lord, and do with it whatever You want. That's what I
want. If You want it to work out ... great. If You want me to do something else ... mo' bettah. I trust You. I believe that whatever You want will be MUCH better than anything I can imagine. So DO THAT! Let me know if I can help."
Now .. I KNOW that faith without works is dead. My HP, after creation, never did anything without requiring someone to do something. And it was always something that was APPARENTLY NOT of any value toward reaching the end result. Strike a rock, say a word, march around a city, hold a rod over your head .... doodah doodah. But something had to be done in faith believing that God would do what He wanted done.
"Stepping out on faith" is REAL scary until I have a little experience under my belt. Can't see faith. Can't see HP's hand under my feet. No idea where it's goin'. Just have to start walkin'.
(Note to self: Big legal issue with MY
HP. He can't "legally" do anything in this world without human permission. He put us in charge and gave us free will. Don't be timid with "giving God permission" to do something. He needs it to go to work. It's HIS rule and HE won't break it. That's what prayer is. That's a whole nuther discussion I can see comin'
Well, GEEZ ... WHAT do I do? I do whatever by faith believing that, even if I'm doing the wrong thing, HP will somehow make the outcome perfect. (How do You DO THAT? Amazing.)
Had a flash coupla days ago. I was driving around town trying to drum up some work. I had put the situation and didn't know where to go. So I sat in a parking lot praying. "GOD HELP ME! TELL me where to go, what to say. I need money in the bank. I know you'll do it, but what do I to help You help me?"
Ever get the mental impression of God rolling His eyes and rubbing His forehead?
FLASH - HHHmmmm ... ya know, If I'm sitting still in my car, I can turn the wheel all I want and it won't change direction. Need to be moving.
"'Ight, Lord, how 'bout I push the pedal so You can steer. K?"
"Wow ... good idea, kid. Gee ... where did you get THAT idea? HHmmm ..."
"Okie dokie. I'll pedal. You steer. Let's go, Lord. Follow me, I'm right behind ya."
Amazing! Had absolutely no worries. Had a great day prostituting. (selling my self-empoyed azz.) I found my sales mojo and intro schtick. Had a great time and made good contacts.
1. "Letting go and letting God" is absolutely necessary. It's NOT scary to know that I can put my most loved things in my HP's hands and He cares even more for them than I do. Just have to REEEEELLY honest-ta-gooness understand that they're NOT MINE ANY MORE!
2. If I ain't movin' HP can't steer. Letting go is the wheel, not the motivation.
3. Ferget about my idea of how I want things to work out. HP loves it when I give Him some ideas of what I want Him to do as long as I end with, "But that's just my idea. What do YOU think? THAT'S what I really want."
Prepare to be surprised and amazed.
Oh, man ... I'm feelin' all grateful again ... still. I love talkin' about how this stuff works for me. I am LIVIN' AFTER THE BUT! "My life was crap, BUT God through AA ...." I'm livin't in pages 83 & 84 ... THE PROMISES!
C'mon, y'all. The water's fine!