Hello To Everyone

[fletch]

Hi

I came on here tonight because i know i have a big problem, one that i have been aware of since 2001. If i did not come on here tonight i would have ordered booze or gone to the 24 hour store and then made up some lie why i could not go into work in the morning.

I dont like the AA meetings because i hate speaking in front of loads of people, i did try around 2003-2004. I dont open up or really speak about how i feel, so i am going to start here.

I really want to stop drinking, i am sick and tired of pretending to people i have stopped. Regret from 24-48hour binges and that horrible depresed feeling after. Going to bed and saying to myself this is it no more drink, but not even believeing in myself that i can do it any more. Worried i wont even wake up in the morning. Making plans that i really want to do and then having to cancel and making up reasons why. Or going out for a day i was really looking forward too with sweat pouring from my pours wearing sun glasses to hide what i have done and falling a sleep behind them, waiting to get home to bed.

I really want to believe coming on here will help and i will stick to it, but if i am honest i dont feel anything will help.

I feel trapped, i hate it but i love the feeling of drinking. Those few hours i feel like my shoulders are light, i can be myself i can say what i really mean.

I just want help, to share and to read other people,s battles. Not to feel alone with this , even if it is just for a few minuites.

Thanks for reading and really, really pleased to meet you all.

[RichC]

As stated before.

Step 1
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
You got that one down apparently by your statement.

Now the next part is also up to YOU.

Step 2
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

YOU must find that power within yourself.

Let your journey begin.

[Dallas]

Welcome to the site Fletch. I understand. And, I don't know if there will be anything here that can help you or not.

I still love the feeling of drinking -- even though it's been 23 1/2 years since my last drink. What I love more than the feeling of drinking -- is the feeling that I now have sober. And, if I give up on my love for the feeling of sobriety -- I'll automatically start drinking -- regardless if I love or hate the feeling of drinking.

Some people drink -- because they are alcoholic. I used to be one of them. I drank because I drank. I didn't know why. And, it didn't matter to me why. I just drank.

When I tried to quit or stop drinking and discovered that I couldn't "stay stopped"... that's when I figured it out -- I wasn't drinking because I loved the feeling of drinking -- I couldn't stand and couldn't handle the feeling of being sober.

For me, drinking wasn't my problem -- sobriety was my problem. I had no problem drinking. It was easy to drink. But, sobriety -- well, sober was just too painful. Life without drinking was killing me -- and Life with drinking was killing me. So, I decided that if drinking is killing me and sobriety is killing me -- then, I'll choose to let sobriety kill me instead of the bottle. I figured I could only live an hour or two, or maybe a day or two without a drink -- and it would go ahead and kill me fast... so, I figured I could do that. Drinking was just dragging it out...

What I learned about staying sober? For me, I learned, that most often, whatever it is that I don't want to do -- is what I'll have to do -- if I want to stay sober.

And, by going ahead and doing -- what I didn't want to do -- I eventually changed -- and I began liking what I had to do -- to stay sober.

I don't have any tips, or suggestions, or advice or wisdom for you. When I got here -- I TOTALLY believed that -- THIS WILL NOT work for me.

And, someday... I might be right about it. It may not work for me. But, until then -- I just keep doing what I'm doing -- and periodically checking in, to see if it's still working for me. What else can I do?

Best wishes.

Dallas

[fletch]

Thanks RichC, I am going to do some reading on Step 1 i had never even considered that i had made any sort of progress. I feel a little uncomfortable about the power greater than ourselves but i guess that is the next step and just work on where i am right now.

Dallas what you said about you couldn,t stand and couldn,t handle the feeling of sober really hit home as that is so true. It is when i am finding it hard staying sober all dealing with things sober i drink.

I found it hard just coming back on here today as i felt awkward admitting how i felt and how out of control my life has become. It,s like stripping down in front of people. I will keep on coming back and read people,s experinces how ever hard it may feel.

thanks fletch

[Dallas]

The key to success in recovery is not what we know -- ( other than to not take the next first drink ) -- it's all about what we do. And, what we do all boils down to being of service to others -- rather than being of service to our selves. I discovered that my sobriety and the quality of my life is directly proportional to the service that I can render to others.

The bottomline? The fastest, and most guarantee-able way to achieve and maintain sobriety -- and the good life, along with feeling good while sober is: Get busy helping as many others as you can.

We don't have to do a bunch of big things to achieve sobriety and the good life. All we have to do is consistantly do a bunch of little things. And, it's those little things that we do for others -- is what will keep us sober.

We have to remember that it's the little things that lead to success and it's the little things that lead to relapse.

If the shoe-string looks frayed -- change it before it breaks. I've known of more than a few alkies that got drunk over a broken shoe-string! Yet, I've not known too many of them getting drunk when they lost their shoes.

It's the little things. And, it's about being of service.

When tempted to miss a meeting -- we often consider it a little thing. And, it is a little thing. But, it was also a little thing -- that could have put us face to face with another alkie that we might have been able to do something little -- that made the difference in their achieving and maintaining sobriety. Maybe it was as simple as a smile. A warm sincere handshake. A simple "Hi! How are you doing?" that made all the difference for them. Just as -- those simple things made all the difference for us.

Dallas