Welcome to the site Fletch. I understand. And, I don't know if there will be anything here that can help you or not.
I still love the feeling of drinking -- even though it's been 23 1/2 years since my last drink. What I love more than the feeling of drinking -- is the feeling that I now have sober. And, if I give up on my love for the feeling of sobriety -- I'll automatically start drinking -- regardless if I love or hate the feeling of drinking.
Some people drink -- because they are alcoholic. I used to be one of them. I drank because I drank. I didn't know why. And, it didn't matter to me why. I just drank.
When I tried to quit or stop drinking and discovered that I couldn't "stay stopped"... that's when I figured it out -- I wasn't drinking because I loved the feeling of drinking -- I couldn't stand and couldn't handle the feeling of being sober.
For me, drinking wasn't my problem -- sobriety was my problem. I had no problem drinking. It was easy to drink. But, sobriety -- well, sober was just too painful. Life without drinking was killing me -- and Life with drinking was killing me. So, I decided that if drinking is killing me and sobriety is killing me -- then, I'll choose to let sobriety kill me instead of the bottle. I figured I could only live an hour or two, or maybe a day or two without a drink -- and it would go ahead and kill me fast... so, I figured I could do that. Drinking was just dragging it out...
What I learned about staying sober? For me, I learned, that most often, whatever it is that I don't want to do -- is what I'll have to do -- if I want to stay sober.
And, by going ahead and doing -- what I didn't want to do -- I eventually changed -- and I began liking what I had to do -- to stay sober.
I don't have any tips, or suggestions, or advice or wisdom for you. When I got here -- I TOTALLY believed that -- THIS WILL NOT work for me.
And, someday... I might be right about it. It may not work for me. But, until then -- I just keep doing what I'm doing -- and periodically checking in, to see if it's still working for me. What else can I do?