Hey Toddy!
As been said, the right job will come when your ready for it, the BB says once we get the spiritual part sorted we straighten out physically and mentally, no the other way round.
Know how you feel tho not working, my self esteem was so low that i thought the only thing that would fix me was a nice managerial job that would give me power over other people to put a bit of safe distance between me and the rest of the world. And i've had a few of these jobs and been made redundant a few times as well, all in soberiety. Never forgetting that when 1st came into AA i was unemployed and unemployable and had been for the last few years of my drinking.
I aimed for a material recovery instead of a spiritual one, and lost more in soberiety than i did drunk, i treated others like dirt to get what i wanted, and those people i professed to care about most hated me for it and left.
Mother Theresa said that 'lonliness is being above or below the crowd', that just about sums me up in a nutshell.
Now i think i suffered from ' Status Anxiety'. All my self worth came from what others thought about me, and it had to be constant praise or i'd start to worry. But even when it went my way it still wasnt enough, i then discovered that no matter what i still didnt like myself, so then i decided to try this spiritual path i'd heard spoken about for years in AA, i had to find out exactly what these happy contented people i looked down on were talking about?
So after 7 years dry and contentidly demented in AA i quit the job, got hold of a ' programme orientated sponsor' not a 1st step sponor, one that tells you its all about tons of meetings and staying away from the 1st drink, which it is at the start but after a while we need a bit more than that. So we worked through the programme and it saved my life as well as my marriage and tonight i've just said goodbye to 2 lovely grandaughters who were round for supper and i feel so good i wouldn't call the Queen my aunt!
They told me to work my AA from the fireside out, i thought this meant 12 Step your home? But I didnt ' 12 Step'my home i ' Goose Stepped' it and everyone had to march to my orders or there would be hell to pay!
Now i realise the fire i had to work on was the one that burned inside me, the fire that was fueled by resentment and hatred and always going to prove someone wrong!
Today i'm still quite competitive but i'm only in competition with myself, trying to be a better person than i was yesterday.
Now back working freelance doing what i did before but not taking on all that pressure i used to take to prove i was a real man, and the best part is it pays even better than before!
If your struggling then struggle with us, we know the way out and it will be given to you freely because it was given to me by a bunch of strangers who's only motive was a burning desire to see me get well.
God bless
I am reading a book about co-dependancy and addiction that is really good. It's called "The Opposite of Everything is True". Last night I read and journaled and then got to stay up late reading a novel. Woohoo!
