new to forum

[Grahamsxm]

Hello I am Graham,
I would like to say I am completely new to this forum, but I am probably not. I have been sober for 4 years, which is to say I haven't had a drink for that long. I am not sober in my behavior !

I must try and be more open and honest with all concerned and use all the tools at my disposal to try and rectify my defects and faults. I MUST.

Hopefully I can contribute truthfully here. I must break this block this negativity in my progress.

I have reaped what I sowed in my relationships and life. I have caused nothing but pain.

So bare with me and hopefully this can be a tool for me to get real and make the first 4 years worth it

thanks

Graham

[Dallas]

Welcome to the forum Graham.

[sunlight]

Hi Graham!

Welcome. I hope this will be a useful tool for you too. But you need to use it to have it do any good. I had about 5 years when I joined this happy camp, and I wasn't sure which way my head was screwed on! So I posted about it and found out that there were many screws that were loose!

Let it all out and be yourself. We're all drunks. We already KNOW.

[Grahamsxm]

Thanks Sunlight !
I guess thats how I found my way here . Somewhere safe and hopefully where I can be called on the rubbish I write ! Without judgement ? If that makes sense.

I guess its all about action. I wish pain didn't have to be my motivator ! Still today it remains that way. At present I have to be honest and look at those who truly did damage and those who I lost through my own denial . I will get there. I have set myself simple tasks to change something everyday, no matter how small. Just to experience change !

God works in mysterious ways. I had resolved that the best place for me was to isolate... I know thats not right but we all go there dont we ? Still a new face and a new sponsor who I spent the whole day with. I feel things are moving already, a littl. A commitment to a mens retreat in the US in October, whatever it takes has given me something to focus on.

I truly do not believe I came to AA to be miserable . I have hurt my friend so deeply and yet they still have the dignity to help even when I feel I don't deserve it. That is proof to me of this program

[sunlight]

One of my favorite lines in the big book is, "Do not be discouraged."

I figure if the book tells me not to be, then I just won't.

Of course I can always find plenty of things to be discouraged about if I set my mind that way! But I decided early on to set my face in the direction of sobriety, and take whatever it gives me and give whatever it takes. Go to any lengths, yes?

It's not a yellow brick road, but what it gives me is EXPERIENCE. This experience, good or bad, is the great gift I get to share with others. If I isolate, I'm hoarding it and it just rots on a shelf. Sometimes I think no one wants my gift, but you often never know how what you share may help someone who needs just what you have given. I know this to be true. People have told me that, what I thought was some dorky thing I said in a meeting, is something they hold onto every day to give them hope. God uses us in ways we can't fathom!

Where are you from that you're coming to the US?
Since you have a sponsor, have you begun taking the steps with him?

"The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines."
Sounds like you're doing just that.
And that's not a miserable place to be at all!

[Grahamsxm]

Thanks Sunlight,

I do want that spiritual part to my life so very much.

I have made a commitment to a mens retreat in October at a church in NY. And I am aim to make regular commitments like this to mix up my program.

I actually live "down island' so Florida and NY are easy for me to get to.

Just when I was at a very low point things just happened for me. A sponsor, and this forum . Some kind words from the woman I loved and lost.

I know that by connecting things get better and I have to remember this lesson when things are going well not to slide backwards

I have my 4 yr anniversary tomorrow and I mark that not a a milestone of what happened but a great point to commit to this life and remove the indecision and complacency I have had to moving forwards.