- Recovering from relapse, again. . .

Recovering from relapse, again. . .




Introduce yourself or read introductions from others!

Recovering from relapse, again. . .

Postby jdzx » Tue Apr 11, 2006 2:23 pm

Hi everyone!

My name is Deb and I'm an alcoholic. By the Grace of God I have not had a drink in 4 1/2 days. I was fortunate enough to have had 10 yrs clean from alcohol and drugs from '95 - '05 after a treatment program in Seattle, so I had an inkling of what life can be like. It was sooo much harder to get sober this time though.

Through AA related intervention, the reason for my relapse is clear to me now. I did not have AA or a 12 Step Program in my life. After literally calling for help, some wonderful people who do work their 12 Step Program saved my life. Now it is up to me now to do my part. I am glad to be here. Thank you.
jdzx
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2006 1:41 am
Location: Fort Smith, AR

welcome

Postby rcflyer » Tue Apr 11, 2006 2:35 pm

Welcome!!!

Its nice to have someone with only a few days dry to talk to.

What does jdzx stand for?

Steven
:wink:
rcflyer
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Apr 08, 2006 11:47 am
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas

Postby Dallas » Tue Apr 11, 2006 5:08 pm

Hey Deb!!!

Sooo glad you're here! I sure hope you stick around and hang out with us. We ALL want to see you make it. This can be the beginning of a life that is so good that it is beyond your wildest imagination!!! I know that, from experience... Before sobriety, and before the 12 Steps, I had had some really wonderful things in my life... and I had some really horrible things in my life. But, life today... with sobriety, the 12 Steps, a Higher Power, the AA Fellowship, sober kindred and friends who share our common solution... all around the world... living in places that I can't even pronounce...a design for living, a new attitude and outlook on life, a genuine purpose for living, a peace that passes all understanding, real happiness that I feel down into my soul, and with a joy and a freedom that is unfathonable to me... life is pretty damn good today! I sure wouldn't want to give it up! Everyday, me and my living keep getting better and better and better and better and better!!!! And, it can be that way for you, too!!!!

I sure hope you'll stick with us... we need you!!!!

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
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Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby blueangel » Tue Apr 11, 2006 8:34 pm

hi Deb, welcome to the forum! you will find a great bunch of people here and great posts.
calling for help is always a good sign that a seed got planted somewhere, so the rehab in seatle must have done some good. 10 years isn't anything to sneeze about, since I see alot head to the liquor store after they get out of rehab. :lol:
always remember that there are people that care at the end of your phone, willing to help. who knows if you are in trouble just go outside and yell at the top of your lungs and someone is bound to show up and help on those bad days. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Have a great day and God Bless you, Kay
blueangel
 
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Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas

Postby Rusty Zipper » Wed Apr 12, 2006 1:16 am

hey deb... your coming on here, and fess'n up is better for me than you right now... you help me, now i hope i may help you... any questions, please just ask... as i love to say... wad'a ya got to loose?... i know... deb, all good wishes to you, and teach only love... Rusty :wink:
Rusty Zipper
 
Posts: 371
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:19 pm
Location: My Room in CT.

Postby JR » Wed Apr 12, 2006 1:22 am

Deb,

I relapsed after 19 years, and now I have 7 months. There is no way you stayed sober for 10 years without practicing a program at some point. So, you know what needs to be done. Don't beat yourself up about it, just do it. One day at a time, one step at a time. The Big Book has everything you need to know about getting and staying sober. It's just like riding a bike as long as you don't let others or yourself shame you into thinking you are anything less than a child of the Universe.

I know it can be frustrating. People will speak to you as if you never had it right or experienced the joys of sobriety. But, as I said, you don't stay sober for 10 years without having experienced these things.

The fact of the matter is, most people relapse. Some people do it after 30 days some after a year some five some ten some more. Bill speaks about relapse in his writings and it is most important to feel that you have a place in AA even after relapse and not to be too hard on yourself. If nobody ever came back after relapse, I'm afraid the rooms of AA would be pretty empty.

The ego is difficult to smash. Going back to AA after a relapse is an ego smashing venture. Through pain comes growth.

I hope you keep coming to this site. It has been a life saver for me. The obsession to drink has been removed from me but I still have the thoughts of drinking from time to time. I don't know why it hasn't gone completely away, but Dr. Bob had it for several years after getting sober. So, while I know many don't like to admit this weakness of mind, I know I am not alone because it can't have been just Dr. Bob and me.

Easy does it Deb and I hope to see another post from you soon,

Jr
JR
 
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Location: Pacific Northwest

Postby Rusty Zipper » Wed Apr 12, 2006 1:44 am

JR, i love you... warts and all lol... bottom line'n it... as Aron Neville sings " Tell it Like it Is".. your both here and now... step one, to surender... Fix'n whats left... xxoo PC :wink:
Rusty Zipper
 
Posts: 371
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:19 pm
Location: My Room in CT.

Postby jdzx » Wed Apr 12, 2006 2:32 am

Thank you all for your support and kind words. I think what kept me clean those 10 yrs was simply fear: the fear of embarrassment, unemployment, insecurity, and of being homeless on the streets again. In the last year I have experienced all of the above accept homelessness and believe me it would have led up to that eventually the way I was carrying on. I even went to treatment again in December ’05 and was drinking within a week of being released. Like I said before, I realize I did not do what I needed to do to stay sober. I am grateful to God, my newfound friends and this website to help me along. Thanks again, Deb.
jdzx
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2006 1:41 am
Location: Fort Smith, AR

Postby Dallas » Wed Apr 12, 2006 9:04 am

Deb,

Thank you for sharing. That’s a very important and insightful observation about your experience!!!

In Chapter 3, of the Big Book, we are given examples of how alcoholics can have a serious problem or some other important situation, like getting married, falling in love, etceteras, come up in their life and the experience of the fear of the problem or the fear of loss in the situation is enough to keep them sober for a long time. And then, one day they discover that they are drinking again.

It’s unfortunate that, possibly, because of the alcoholic Ego, (that hasn't been smashed), they never have that moment of clarity, like you’ve obviously had, that shows them that whatever it was that they were doing before... is not going to be good enough for the long haul. And, as a result, the clock keeps ticking, and unless they make some drastic changes ... they end up drinking again.

On page 58, of the Big Book, there are some very important principles that have made a world of difference to me in my life and in my sobriety. The second sentence on page 58, is “Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program.â€
Dallas
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Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby Marie S. » Wed Apr 12, 2006 4:19 pm

Dallas,

Honey, I know exactly what you are saying. We were talking about this the other night while rehashing living in California at the same time, in regards to two of the old timers that we both knew very well. The one was sponsoring by the droves, into every service job that A.A. has speaking at meetings speaking at conventions and forgot that the steps were to be practiced by him. He looked good sounded good gave a great A.A. talk and began sipping a little good wine while on trips to speak at conventions. The next thing we heard was that he was smoking crack and drank himself to death. He had 24 years when he tried to come back as a newcomer but his Ego couldn’t let go of his 24 years dry and he never did make it. We also know of T.K. 25 years sober. Went to meetings seven days a week. Spent a lot of time with newcomers. Who would have thought? Had a lovely A.A. wife who was also very active in A.A. Such a sad sad story. If I remember right you either just had, or were coming up on birthday #5, and they asked you if you would take him off the rope before his wife got home. This disease is deadly. Over my years in A.A. I’ve seen the same thing. The old timer goes out and wants to come back with their time and the same program they were working when they started drinking. You’re right. It’s the alcoholic Ego the prevents them from recovering. We saw this very same thing with Ebby, Bills sponsor. The Ego and the resentments that he just couldn’t let go.

I love you honey. Keep up the good work! You had better let me know when you do another 12 Step Workshop. If I can’t be there get me the tapes. Better yet, why don’t you come on down here to sunny Florida and do one for us here?

Your friend in service,

Marie S.
Marie S.
 
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