Fortunately, in AA, we learn that we share in a 'general way' what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. Well, in a general way, by all rights, I should either be in a mental institution, or dead, with the path of self-destruction down which I so nonchalantly walked and stumbled. I drank in what they call snake pits, and in alleyways. I wore old clothes, and one outfit: a pair of too large coveralls w/suspenders, and 'waffle-stompers,' that were too big (my only clothes!).... However, that was not enough, because i didn't care, thought it was my lot in life, and was safe from the world of emotional turmoil through the 'simple expedience,' of anesthesizing my emotional pain through alcoholism. Even though I thought I was alcoholic, I didn't think it possible for me to do the 12-steps, because I have the habit of complicating it over and over. But, I worked on them anyway, though they appeared convoluted. I am sober just over 9 years, and am fortunate to belong to a strong group which I open one meeting a week, and stay in close contact with my sponsor. I am re-doing the steps. I am living day to day, and am beginning to know the feeling of having the power to live one day at a time. I have experienced insanity and mental dis-ease, but that is when I am obsessed with my self. I still rely ont he fellowship of AA, and still am plagued with self-doubt at times. Nevertheless, I pray, and I am praying as I stumble through the steps.
My major defect of character is that I believe I am a chronic misfit, and that if anybody tries to get too close to me (thereby incurring expectations of something I can't give), then I unwittingly push them away, either through actions, or attitudes. I lose interest in the answer.
So, that is my current babble right now. I would like to know if anybody can identify?
hey there was a song written about cinderbobble.... " Only You " 
all good wishes CB, and teach only love... PC.......