- I'm starting over

I'm starting over




Introduce yourself or read introductions from others!

I'm starting over

Postby kjeank » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:11 pm

Hi. I'm KJ and I was sober for almost 4 months then 2 weeks ago slipped and am having trouble getting off this merry-go-round. I have been drunk 4 times in 2 weeks. I picked up a new desire chip Monday, and today I turned that one in for another new one.

2 weeks ago, I just decided I was tired of being an alcoholic and working the program, etc. So I drank. Makes a lot of sense, doesn't it?! Then the shame and guilt start in, then I hurt so much I want that to stop, so I drink again.... I am sure this sounds familiar to many of you.

So I guess I am struggling right now, but I am still trying and I am not going to give up.
kjeank
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Sat Jul 08, 2006 9:10 pm
Location: Houston

Postby Dallas » Mon Aug 07, 2006 6:03 am

Hey KJ, it's good to hear from you!!!

Welcome home. :wink:

One of the nice things about "home"... is that, home can be a place where "we keep coming back"... regardless of how frustrated we get... or how badly we feel... and regardless of how miserably we fail... we can always go back to our home!

Make yourself at home here... regardless of what's going on for you.

If you're drinking or sober... you are always welcome!

I wish you the best... and I'm here for you, if I can help.

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby Smyth » Mon Aug 07, 2006 1:36 pm

:D Welcome. I am new also. I have been reading this site for 4 months praying each day I could post but I wouldn’t until I quit drinking. I tried and tried and I finally had 60 days yesterday. It is so comforting to know I am not alone with my struggles and the encouragement you get from this site cannot be measured. Again congratulations and know you are not alone. Everyday gets better. I take one day at a time until that hour comes when old habits start slipping in my mind ( :evil:) then I get busy and take 1 hour at a time.
Smyth
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 1:09 pm
Location: Arizona

Postby Dallas » Mon Aug 07, 2006 2:45 pm

Smyth, welcome to you, also!!!!

And, congrats on your 60 days!!!

I sure do remember how difficult it was for me to get 60 days!!! And, I know what it's like to do one-hour-at-a time, and sometimes, the one minutes, and one seconds! It has been a long time since I had to do it that way, but I sure don't want to forget what it was like!!! You are so right... it gets better and better and better and better!!!!

It sure is a lot easier for me to stay sober than it was to get sober!

Smyth, I'm glad you're here with us and thank you for letting me know that you've been reading the site for a while. And, congrats on the courage to post your first message!!!

I know for myself, how difficult it was for me to post my first message! But, once I pushed through my shyness and fear of posting... that, too, got easier and easier to do!

I hope we hear a lot more from you.

Keep coming back!!!! And, make yourself at home, too! :wink:

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby Smyth » Mon Aug 07, 2006 3:18 pm

Thanks Dallas. Everyday @ work, I would log to the site to see if there was still people like me experiencing the same and sure enough there was. It is true that AA is indeed experience, strength and hope. I have 60 days sober experience, 20+ years drinking experience, working on strength and one heck of a lot of hope.
Smyth
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 1:09 pm
Location: Arizona

Postby anniemac » Mon Aug 07, 2006 3:31 pm

Welcome, KJ & Smyth! Hope to hear more from you.....
anniemac
 
Posts: 409
Joined: Mon Apr 17, 2006 3:42 pm
Location: Long Island, NY

Postby garden variety » Tue Aug 08, 2006 2:32 am

OK well that Dallas guy who runs things asked me to be a "greeter". So I'll give you this computer handshake thing and welcome you to AA. Well it sounds like your in the right place, so you are here among your own kind that have the "peculiar mental twist" that tells us drinking is better than being sober.

Well you better stop believeing what your two working brain cells are telling you and fighting each other about. Just don't pick up the first drink today. "Tired of being an alcoholic" wow that's pretty funny, but I really understand cause I felt that way too early on. But today, I am so thankful to be an alcoholic, that I want to be one every single day. Things will get "transformed" if you give it time and don't take the first drink. Good luck!

Oh yeah, since your new, why don't you start shaking hands. Then put a smile on your face so your mouth has something to do and won't feel left out while your hands are busy greeting new guys and gals..
garden variety
 
Posts: 750
Joined: Fri Aug 04, 2006 7:39 pm
Location: Ohio

Postby Dallas » Tue Aug 08, 2006 5:17 am

GV!!! You're an excellent Greeter!!! And, I can see that you're experienced in sponsoring others into action!!! Plus, you got some mighty fine sharing that you do!!! Thank you for being here! Perhaps, I've have the opportunity to rotate myself out sooner than I expected!!!! :lol:
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby Smyth » Wed Aug 09, 2006 7:51 pm

How are you holding up kjeank? Even though I have just 2 months, that first month was hard. Like getting used to a whole new world. I have been to in-patient and out-patient (too stubborn to quit) but they used to say "play the tape throughâ€
Smyth
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Aug 07, 2006 1:09 pm
Location: Arizona

Postby Dallas » Wed Aug 09, 2006 8:30 pm

One of the things, that I think helped me very much, was rather than to "think about the drink" ... I began to "think about being sober."

Since my mind is like the magnet that manifests my thoughts... I concluded that to think about the drink, would lead me to another drink. And, to think about being sober, would lead me to the next right actions in staying sober.

In the beginning for me, Step 2, represented the thoughts of... "Came to believe that through the 12 Steps, I just might be able to stay sober!"

When I would go to AA meetings and see other alcoholics that were staying sober... my imagination eventually allowed me to imagine myself as staying sober.

One of the things that appears to be more powerful than will power and emotions... is the imagination. I began to visualize what I would look like sober. Then, I began to visualize what my life would be like if I stayed sober. I didn't have to use any imagination or visualization in regards to drinking... I had plenty of experience with drinking, that I knew what it was like.

Imagine that!!! :wink:

It was through using my imagination that I was able to define a concept of a Power greater than myself, that I could understand. Once I was able to imagine it... and take some actions to check out what I was imaging... I began to see some positive and pleasing results. :idea:
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

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