Thanks...it's half hour past the agreed time, so at least I feel good now I gave her the final choice...but you know something hit me today while waiting. Thats two people I loved lost to drugs and alcohol, now it's time to fight back....theres so much pain in the world caused by those two things and i'm gonna make it my lifes work to help fight this.
Theres so many small children living in homes with abuse and neglect that I can't even stand to think about it and makes me want to vomit. My mother and my gf were both raised in those homes and bad things happen there.
I kept asking why do I have to go through this pain, and what is there for me to learn out of it and I think it's finally come to me like a slap in the face...it's gonna be huge in scale thats all i'll say for now
I know she cried when I was going to let her go before, cried about how drinking ruined everything in her life, I tried to be there for her, i tried god knows I tried, and thats all I can do. She said i'm the only man in her life that never hit her, called her down, used mental or verbal abuse or even talked to her about her life. but yet I've never been so hurt by one person in my life that I loved so much...I still shake my head at it....but it showed me how bad this disease really is.
Her whole family drinks, it's crazy, EVERYONE! I went to her family home and there were about 6 adults and 12 kids belonging to various couples...it broke my heart....to see all those kids so neglected...and to know that the same painfull cycle will probably repeat in those children...it kills me.
She has such a huge heart, it was amazing the things she would think of to do for people. I kept thinking wow, if she turned her life around what a posative influence she could be, but i realized it was wrong for me to do that..
Anyhow I'm going to go grieve the loss of the 2nd person....but i'll be back....and when i'm ready i'm gonna try to put a dent in this drug and alcohol thing, and i'm gonna fight it till i'm dead and gone!
take care everyone, i hope to meet you all soon.