Hello Sharkbait, Welcome to the Step12.com forums!
If your husband is right... perhaps, someday, you will be able to find a way to control and enjoy your drinking. My hat is off to you, if you find one.
I spent a lot of time on a lot of methods to be able to be a controlled drinker... and over time, they all fizzled out. Even when I first came to A.A., it was in hopes of controlling my drinking for a while. I thought that's what they did in A.A. --- I thought they helped people to learn how to control their drinking. I was shocked
to discover that A.A. was not about controlled drinking!
At first, I thought that A.A.'s must all be lunatics from a different planet... they were talking about being sober -- and to them, it meant no more using alcohol at all, not in the morning, not at noon, and not during the evening! -- They were talking about not using alcohol in any form at all! Geez! What an order! How could anybody do it?
The A.A.'s were talking about being totally 100% sober all the time! Just hearing that... made me feel uneasy! I didn't believe that anyone could do it... and if they wanted to do it... they must be nuts!
So, during my first visit to A.A., I decided that I would try it for six months. You know... totally sober for six months. At least that didn't sound like a lifetime to me!
I did real well. It wasn't very had. I went to a lot of A.A. meetings, smoked a lot of cigerettes and drank barrels of coffee!
At 5 1/2 months, I decided that it was time to start getting ready to celebrate my six months of being sober. So I asked a friend if she would like to go down to Mexico for two weeks, while I did some rest and relaxation, and got a real nice sun tan, to look really health and good for when I got my six-month sobriety chip. And, she agreed to go on my little mini vacation to reward myself for being good!
On the way to Mexico, I must have had some sort of twisted mental slip, because I thought I was buying drinks for the girl who went with me, and that I was staying sober and not drinking. I had been nipping on her drinks and didn't even realize that I was doing it -- and, then... the party started! I tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, to get sober again.... and on each attempt I failed.
I thought... well, this time I'll go back to A.A. and try it again there... and I tried, and tried, I tried, and tried, I tried, and tried, I tried, and tried... and I couldn't get sober! If and when I was able to find the A.A. meeting that I was going to go to.... I would be drunk, sitting in the very back of the meeting.
Needless to say.... that convinced me that I wasn't going to be able to control my drinking. It had to be stoped and I was powerless over stopping it.
Then, I got another chance to try A.A., and this time I knew I couldn't control my drinking because I had become alcoholic. I knew that I would not be able to touch so much as a drop of alcohol... forever, it I wanted to stay sober. For me, being alcoholic, means that I'm powerless over staying away from alcohol on my own. I needed help. On my own, I'm powerless over staying sober. I need help. And, I decided that it was time for me to get help.
Now, it's been over 20 years since my last drink. So, I can say for sure... that help is available for those who want and need the help. And, the help works. No one else can do for me what I have to do for me to stay sober. No one else can live my life for me. No one else can do for me, what I need to do for me, to be happy, joyous, sober and free... at the same time. They can help... by offering me the tools that I must use to stay sober and rebuild and recreate my life. And, they can show me how they used the tools to do the same for their own lives. But, all the real grunt work is left up to me... and whether or not I want it.
Glad you're here! I hope you find what you want, and that what you want is what is best for you!