Happy New Year to you all ~
Ya know, this holiday season brought some real family drama and chaos, and most of my time was spent extracting my 96 yr old dad from a horrible marriage out of state and bringing him back here (NOT something I ever thought would be in the cards for me!)....however, that's just fine. I realized that, at 4 yrs. sober now, I am finally growing up, and the self-pity is receeding, and I am able to be responsible and step up to the plate and do what needs to be done with minimal whining on my part.
I remember in early sobriety, I realized (or, more likely, someone pointed out to me - LOL) that my whole day didn't have to be ruined if I burnt the toast at breakfast. That really all that had happened was that I had burnt the toast. In the past, that would have guaranteed a lousy day. "Geez Louise, the frigging toaster burnt my toast, what the hell else is going to go wrong today, oh boy, I can just feel it in my bones, this day is going to really suck." yada yada yada. Now, I can isolate incidents as perhaps being unpleasant, and still simultaneously be happy about other things. That was another revalation - that I could feel two different things at once. I could be both upset with one person and content with my surroundings, for example. Used to be that I was only one thing - angry.
So that's how this holiday season was. First I got sick before Christmas. I felt physically lousy on Christmas Day as I cooked for 4 hours. But, everything else about the day was wonderful. New Years Eve Day, I was stressed about my dad and far from home....but I was in a beautiful hotel room with the softest bed and plushest blankets and pillows, and it felt so good when my weary body fell in to bed (hours before midnight).
It's all good. To learn how to take bad with good, and still come out with more good than bad, is a fantastic gift of sobriety.
Hope something I said made sense!!