HI I'm Marley and I'm an Alcoholic

This is for alcoholics and addicts in 12 Step Recovery. Introduce yourself or read introductions from others!
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Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2007 7:25 pm

HI I'm Marley and I'm an Alcoholic

Postby Marley » Tue Feb 06, 2007 3:40 pm

I'm new to this. I have been a sober member of AA for 5yrs. Lately I'm finding I can't be bothered to go to meetings. I don't want to drink in fact thats the farthest thing from my mind. Life has settled down to the normal amount of chao's. I volenteer at the local jail once a month. Other than these meetings I just can't seem to motivate myself to attend AA. I still go but it's a struggle. My sponsor says that he's feeling the same way. So there's not much help there. I've spoken to a few old timers and they say "just keep coming". Has anyone else run into this?

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Postby musicmode » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:43 pm

Hi Marley,

My name is Anne, I'm an alcoholic,

Thanks for droppin' by, & I hope ya decide to stick around. Yip, know exacts what yir sayin'. It was suggested when I wasn't long into the program that there's other groups out there...if ya find this one ain't workin' for ya...if ya can, try another. This site, I can tell ya...is a great group, but nothin' replaces live meetin's. I've learned-by experience...that I can't conform any group to how I think it should be. We're all sick, we're all alcoholics of different types, & we're all gathered with one common goal.

I knew a fella who was in the Navy/time served-discharged, finds work in a land-locked town, moves&settles in. This guy had been to meetin's all over the world & came in skeptical 'bout his new home-group, kickin'&fussin&mutterin' under his breath: "what kind-a group is this?" Then, the thought occured to him: what am I puttin' into it/what do I have to offer? His sponsor told 'im...ya get outta meetin's what ya put in...ya share from the heart you're experience, strength & hope--get from the pillow back to the pillow sober&sharin' what's workin' for ya...you'll get outta it what 'cha put in cuz in order to keep it ya gotta give it away...cuz you'll always help someone stay sober, you'll touch someone when ya talk from the heart--the person ya help the most though, is you. I've taken all these attitudes&ideas into meetin's...& sometimes--it does boil down to: I gotta find a different group. I do have stories that're more for private message category alright--bottom line though is...I kept goin' 'til I found a meetin'/group that works for me...found an oldtimers group that don't mind me attendin', in fact...they like seein' someone younger come in cuz they know...I'm serious about this...& I want what they got. Oldtimers, I've seen it...they sort-a get that brushed aside feelin', & I witnessed it happen on a few occasions, &--I don't know 'bout others, but there's somethin' in that dude that can help me...he/she's stayed sober for 20-30-40 years..thing-a that is, they'll say that they's as close to pickin' up today sometimes, so they call their sponsor, say how they got thru the day&still sober...they gotta work it, work at it & keep doin' today what they were told to do 20-30-40 years ago...get to a meetin'...need that meetin'. I've been frazzled over groups&meetin's...today, I just know I need 'em...&...even a "bad" meetin' is betta than no meetin' at all.

I keep in mind that there's people out there all over the planet that are tryin' to stay sober, are members of AA, but don't have the option of goin' to a meetin' cuz there ain't any. I know-a this one lady who was workin' down in South America...not even another member about, never mind a meetin'. She touched base with GSO, they were able to connect her with 2 members who were a 3 hour row-boat ride away. These 2 members would row the 3 hours to either pick her up, take her the 3 hours back to where they were, or just stay...but they found a way to have their meetin'. Gotta be willin' to go to any lengths.

Keep comin' back--ya got somethin' I want&need.


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struggling in A.A.

Postby Dallas » Tue Feb 06, 2007 11:07 pm

Hello Marley! Welcome to the forum! Glad you're here and thank you for sharing your experience.

My head will give me ten thousand reasons "why" I no longer need or don’t need to participate in A.A.

What I have to remember is: my head kept me drinking long after it was a good idea for me not to be drinking!

Sometimes it is a struggle to keep on keeping on and doing the same things over and over again... that I've done to get to where I am. But, it sure beats doing the same thing over and over again... to go back and be stuck in places where I’ve been.

I still go through stages where it’s an extreme struggle to go to A.A. meetings. Sometime, I just don’t want to go. Other times, there are other important things that I would rather be doing. And, I can come up with tons of valid reasons why it’s okay for me to be doing the other things rather than doing what I should be doing.

Of course... I don't want to get my life in A.A. so lopsided... that I forget that A.A. is helping me to have a great life outside of A.A. -- Life is for living, loving, learning, laughing and passing it on! It's just as important for me to do fun and enjoyable things outside A.A. -- as it is to do fun and enjoyable things inside A.A. For me, a nice healthy balance of life inside A.A. and life outside A.A. seems to work best.

Back to struggling with going to meetings:

What it boils down to for me, is two things: Feelings and logic (thinking). My feelings will change and so will my thinking. My feelings come and go... and, my thinking comes and goes.

When I allow my feelings to make important decisions in my life... I can get in serious trouble. When I allow my thinking to make the important decisions ... I can get into serious trouble.

What has proved more reliable to me to assist me in making decisions is my experience, the experience of others, and a commitment to taking certain simple actions. That works when everything else seems to fail.

I have my own experience to use as a guide. I have the experience of others to use as a guide. And, I can take right actions that always produce right results... even when my thinking and feeling are not working so well for me!

My experience is... that I wasn’t able to sober up on my own (I needed help) and it was much more difficult to get sober than it has been to stay sober.

My pride, my ego, my self-importance, uniqueness and my laziness... are things what will tell me that I no longer need help.... or to be a helper!

And, my pride, ego, self-importance, uniqueness and laziness... all come from my thinking! So, thinking can be good... and it can also get me in a lot of trouble! My experience has taught me that!

I’ve learned to ask myself questions like: “What was easier to do: struggling to go to a meeting... or getting sober? You see, if I start drinking again... it won’t matter how many meetings that I went to, or how many that I missed. If I end up going crazy... while not drinking... and do something equally as serious as giving up my sobriety... it won’t matter how many meetings that I went to... or how many I missed.

What about the experience of others? What I’ve seen is this: most of the sober alcoholics that I know of, returned to drinking after they stopped participating in A.A. Some of them even did it when they were actively participating in A.A.! But, the bottomline for me is: I wouldn’t see this... and I wouldn’t even think about it... if I wasn’t going to A.A. meetings!

So, by going to the meetings I can continue to learn and keep it fresh in my mind... what happens to most alcoholics who stop doing the things that got them sober and has kept them sober. That’s good enough reason for me to keep participating... even when my head tells me that “Well... I’m different! And, my case is uniquely different!â€

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Postby anniemac » Wed Feb 07, 2007 3:32 pm

Hi Marley,

Welcome to the site and congrats on 5 years of sobriety. I just celebrated 4 years in December.

I do have times where I don't want to go to meetings. What's important for me is to look at why. I know a lot of folks don't put stock in "why" and they say "just do it". For me, "why" helps because it can shine light on patterns or other things below the surface that need attending to.

For instance, I may not want to go to meetings because I am feeling left out of the group - feeling unique, not a part of, etc. Well, that's really not about the meetings, it's about me separating me from the rest of the world, and the more I don't go to meetings, the more I pull myself away from others and from that connectedness, so I get to seeing how exactly what I do need is to get to a meeting.

Or, if I don't want to go because I don't like the way that group has been running things, well, I could look at my need to have things go my way, or I could find another group.

Sometimes it's quite simple - I'm tired and I don't want to go out. Now and then I give in to that. What helps me in those cases, though, is to plan my meetings in advance, so I know that I will be going out that night. Therefore, when I get home from work, I don't get in comfy sweats and plop down in front of the tv - I keep myself moving until it's time to leave the house.

And sometimes, I hate to say, that I just need to go through my rebellion against meetings until the pain gets great enough and I go back with a renewed sense of appreciation for what those meetings offer to me.

Hope your interest is renewed shortly....

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Postby Dallas » Tue Feb 13, 2007 10:27 pm

Hey Marley! Haven't heard from you in a couple of days. I hope that life is treating you well!


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