- Hi All, I'm New to AA

Hi All, I'm New to AA




Introduce yourself or read introductions from others!

Hi All, I'm New to AA

Postby Fia » Sat Apr 14, 2007 3:48 pm

Hi everyone, my name's Fia and I'm an alcoholic.

I'm joining ya'll from the UK (Cumbria) where I've lived for the last two years. I'm still quite young (I'll be 22 next month) though I've known I was an alcoholic since 17 years old...unfortunately, I found out the hard way that there's a big difference between 'knowing' and 'accepting'. I couldn't accept myself as an alcoholic back then, and so the thought that I was "too young to have a drinking problem" kept me drinking for the last five years, despite numerous attempts to stop on my own. (And yes, I tried many of the methods that you're no doubt all familiar with hearing or trying yourselves...moving house, drinking at different times, moderating, changing drinks, changing jobs, friends etc...the list goes on).

I gained three months sober toward the end of 2006, but that is the most I've managed ~ that, in itself, was a miracle but I never looked at it that way until it was too late, and I was back to drinking again. I knew then, that I couldn't do this on my own. In my heart, I knew that AA was the answer but, again, I found out the hard way that there's a difference between willingness and action. In February this year, I got in touch with an online sponsor who has been helping guide me in the right direction. She's great, and won't put up with any of my crap (just what I needed, though I didn't realise it at the time!) ...I sat and made excuse after excuse as to why I couldn't go to a meeting, until, from the other side of the world, she taught me that "can't never did anything". And that was, in part, my transition from being willing to go to any legnths to get sober...to actually DOING what it takes; doing what works for so many other alcoholics ~ My first meeting is this coming Thursday. Ideally, I'd go to one sooner, but I do have genuine geographical isolation problems (plus, I don't drive which makes things more complicated). BUT, with the help of my sponsor, the path has been cleared and I fully intend to go next Thursday. I'll let you know how I get on. Today I am 2 days sober...that's two miracles in a row.

Thank you for letting me share a little about myself, and thank you for having me here.
I look forward to hearing your ES&H and I hope to be able to pass along my own in the future!

Fia
Fia
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2007 8:18 pm
Location: UK

Postby Molly M. » Sat Apr 14, 2007 5:25 pm

Hi Pia;

Welcome!! :D :D

I look forward to hearing your ES&H and I hope to be able to pass along my own in the future!


You just did and what an honor for us to be able to hear/read it.

Like you I had alot of trouble accepting that I was an alcoholic. I remember once reading an AA questionaire that was supposed to indicate if the reader was an alcoholic. The questionaire consists of 20 questions and nowadays is a standard handout by many substance abuse practitioners. Anyway, out of the 20 questions I answered yes to 14 and in my warped mind thought "Well now, that can't be too bad" until I looked at the bottom of the page where it said that if I answered more than three questions with a yes, I was definitely an alcoholic :oops: :oops: Eventually, in sobriety enough memories came back that I realized all but one of the questions should have received a yes answer.

Nowadays, I love being a recovering alcoholic. Being an active alcoholic was a pretty grim way to live, but boy does life get better and I wouldn't trade my recovering alcoholic status for anything :D :D :D

Hang in there and keep posting--there are some wonderful people lurking around this site :wink:

Molly M.
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Posts: 56
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Postby Dallas » Sat Apr 14, 2007 6:32 pm

Hello Fia!!!! Welcome to the site!!! And, a big Welcome from AA in the USA!!! In AA, regardless if we're in the UK, the USA, or... any other place... we're all part of one big family!!! So, I'm definitely happy to meet another member of my family!!! I'm glad you're here! And, I look forward to getting to know you and to hear of your progress!

AA has given me a life that is more incredible than anything I could have ever imagined for myself! Of course... it didn't seem like it was going to be that way when I was just two days sober! But over time, and taking the actions that you wrote of... me and my life keep getting better and better and better and better!

Congratulations on your two days sober! That's really awesome. To see those two miracle days, back to back for you... keeps me mindfull that we are still living in the age of miracles!

It works! It really does!

I'm excited about all the good things that are in store for you as you continue on our path. We shall be with you online, and in the Fellowship of the Spirit as we trudge the path of Happy Destiny together!

Looking forward to hearing from you soon!

Dallas
Dallas
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Postby Fia » Sat Apr 14, 2007 8:49 pm

Thank you both very much, for your kind welcome and for sharing with me a little about how AA has helped improve your life...that's just what I needed to hear! :D

I've spent what seems like an age in a vicious cycle of drunk/dry/drunk/dry etc...like you said, Molly, being an active alcoholic is not a nice place to be. I'm dealing with some liver/health problems at the moment...yet even after I found this out from the Dr, I still went out and drank. :oops: Insanity! Alcohol has taken so much from my life that it's difficult to see what's left. Sometimes I do forget to remember to concentrate on today (Hmmm...'forget to remember'...I'm sure that's an oxymoron... Yeah, :lol: 'nuff said!) I guess that's part and parcel of working one day at a time, though ~ The "what's left" of my life is what I can make of it today. And I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

I'm currently working on building up a relationship with a HP ~ it's difficult because I find myself not used to asking for help. But it's a work in progress (aren't we all?!) Dallas, I read a post you'd written on step two which really helped to put me in my place a little (You mean I'm NOT in charge of the world??? lmao! :roll:) Whew...cue the relief.

I really hope to find some answers this coming Thursday. And that's one thing I've felt short of for a good while ~ hope. Thank you both for sharing a little of yours with me.

And Dallas, I'm excited too. Scared, but excited!

Thanks again,
Fia
Fia
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2007 8:18 pm
Location: UK

Postby Zanthos » Sat Apr 14, 2007 9:41 pm

Hi Fia. Thanks for sharing and congratulations on putting a couple of days together! Seems to me that finding this board and posting shows a real strong interest in recovery.

By the time I was 18, I knew that alcohol was making me sick and miserable, and by the time I was 20 I was trying to quit. My first AA meeting was at 25. However, despite many years in and out of and around AA, I didn't "get it" or "it" didn't "get me" until I was 45 years old!

Looking back, it seems I was trapped in a profound inability to look and see outside myself. All I "knew" was that life with alcohol was awful, but life without alcohol was impossible. I bounced back and forth between those two miserable places for a very long time. The fact that there were many many others who had struggled with the very same thing and had found a way to live sober (and happy!) never penetrated through my self-centeredness or dysfunctional self-reliance. And I was way too afraid and full of mistrust to even begin to think about truly reaching out and asking for help. I assumed that help didn't exist. (God, it makes me sad just writing this.) It was only after I was completely shattered that the blinders fell away and I was able to begin to accept help and start to learn how to be a healthy human being through AA and the 12 Steps.

I hope you find three things inside yourself as soon as possible:

(1) The down-to-the-bones knowledge that alcohol simply does not work for you.

In terms of what I really wanted for myself -- some measure of happiness and a sense of well-being -- there is no going back. More alcohol, more drinking means only more of the same misery.

(2) That there is a true option to active alcoholism.

I was amazed when my eyes finally opened and I saw HOW MANY people just like me had found a way to live without drinking, and they were so much more happy and content than I ever was. (Yes, I had to ignore the grouchy ones!) That was my basis for hope.

(3) That if it worked for them, it can work for you.

For me, this was a matter of faith because all I knew was what I had known, which was active alcoholism. But having realized that there was no going back, and that others had found a way, I became extremely determined to learn and practice the Program and develop a new way of living based on the Steps. Desperation fueled my faith that if it worked for others, it could work for me. I spent many months in meetings thinking and saying "this #### better work", but I truly didn't know if it would for me. But there was no going back. And slowly, a sense of well-being, at first just the tiniest flickering flame, did alight in my belly, and over time it grew and became much stronger.

Find a great sponsor, go to more meetings than you can imagine, read the literature, work the Steps all day, every day. As others promised me, if you do that you will know a freedom and happiness you can't imagine.

By the way, as I found out, this #### DOES work! :)

Harry
Zanthos
 
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Location: Scottsdale, Arizona

Postby waitresscheryl » Sat Apr 14, 2007 11:11 pm

Hi FIA, Welcome to the site, and feel free to share anytime you like, it is great to meet new people on this site. As they say, one day at a time. Welcome. Cheryl :D
waitresscheryl
 
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Location: St. Joseph, Missouri

Postby Marty » Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:01 am

Hi Fia,

I'm fairly new to the site also. It has been a great resource.

Take care and hope to hear from you in the future.

Marty
Canada
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Location: Newmarket Ontario Canada

Postby Molly M. » Mon Apr 16, 2007 2:09 pm

Hey Fia;

How's it going today?

Hugs,

Molly
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Posts: 56
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2007 2:20 pm

Postby Fia » Tue Apr 17, 2007 2:39 pm

Hi everyone,

Thanks again for the warm welcome ~ I can relate to much of what I've read here in posts and it's nice to feel that I can 'belong' somewhere, though there's certainly a part of me that feels I don't deserve to. It's hard to open up, but I'm trying.

How am I doing? Ugh, I have no idea. Dealing with cravings has always been my downfall ~ I am in close contact with my Dr due to liver problems (elevated enzymes) and she suggested that Campral/Antabuse might be of use in coping with them. I'm thinking about it. (It doesn't help that I actually live/work in a pub, though I transferred from being behind the bar to being in the kitchen two weeks ago. While it's easier not to be around the temptation as much, mental obsession is pretty much constant. I'd leave if I could, but it's a "family" business so I'm "needed" here). Fear is a biggie, too. It creeps up on me in waves and is mostly related to the coming meeting, but I'm trying not to listen to the voice in my head that tells me I can't do it. I know I can, but I wish it was sooner so it was out of the way! It's the not knowing that seems worse then everything else, if that makes sense?

My mind is still very "foggy" so I'll leave it at that for now ~ thanks for asking, Molly. And thanks again everyone, for having me here.

Wishing you all a great 24,
Fia
Fia
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2007 8:18 pm
Location: UK

Postby Molly M. » Tue Apr 17, 2007 3:40 pm

Hey Fia,

I'm so glad to hear from you. Yup I remember those cravings and I'm glad I don't have to deal with them anymore--hang in there and you won't have to keep dealing with them either. :D

When things get tough I try to remember an AA trick of checking in with myself--we call it HALT for hungry, angry, lonely, tired. If I can keep on top of my basic needs and emotions it's much easier to cope with being sober, so I stop every once in a while and ask myself if any of the HALT categories apply. If I'm hungry I eat. If I'm angry, I use the AA step work and talk to another alcoholic. If I'm lonely I call another alcoholic and if I'm tired I rest.

You sound like a really strong brave woman, I'm sure you're going to be fine going to your meeting. If I could go with you I would, but just assume we're all going to be with you in spirit. Drunks are great people so enjoy :D

Molly :D
Molly M.
 
Posts: 56
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2007 2:20 pm

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