Hi All, I'm New to AA

[Dallas]

Hey Fia,

It's nice to hear from you again. Like Molly said, "Hang in there!"

The most difficult thing that I've ever faced in sobriety... was sobering up. I've walked through some difficult problems in sobriety, but none of them compared to the problems I had being newly sober. So, I know, and I relate, and I understand how tough this time probably is for you, also. It will get better if you don't drink. It will hurt like hell for a while, but it will get better. And, then, after you've gone through the pain and desperation of being newly sober... I can guarantee you, that you will never have to experience that again... as long as you don't take the next drink.

When I was newly sober, I remember hearing members of AA tell me things like "My problems start with the first drink" and "It's the first drink that gets me drunk." I thought.... "Well, maybe I'm in the wrong place then... because my problems don't start until I've had six or seven drinks." It took me a while to figure out what they were saying to me.

Then, one day, it was like a light bulb came on in my head... and I realized that "Wow! Now, I see how they were right! If I didn't have the first drink... I wouldn't have to worry about the problems that come with six or seven drinks!"

I heard a story once... not sure if it's true or not because I wasn't there. But, somehow... it feels like I was there... and it feels like it was my story... because it sounds so true for me. The story is:

This guy had been going to A.A. meetings... and he was told that it was the first drink that gets him drunk. He was feeling real bad one day... so he walked into the bar, and asked the bar tender "Hey Bartender! You got anything for sobriety? I'm feeling really bad sober... you got anything that will fix this?" And, the bar tender said "Sure. I've got a solution for sobriety" and he poured him a drink.

The guy sat there for a few seconds looking at the drink... and then, he pushed it away and didn't drink it.

And, then, the guy said "Hey Bartender! Pour me another drink!" And, the bartender poured him another drink... and the guy gulped it down.

The bartender looked a little confused and concerned and he ask the guy "Why didn't you drink the first drink? Is there something wrong with it?" And, the guy replied with "Yep. I've been going to these A.A. meetings, and they've been telling me that it's the first drink that's my problem. They said I wouldn't get drunk if I didn't have the first drink! And, they said to do everything I could... not to drink the first one! So, that's why I started with the second one!"


Most alcoholics that I've ever met will do the darndest things and come up with all kinds of tricks and gadgets, and methods, and ideas and techniques... to try and control their drinking. And, if they are alcoholics of my type... they always fail.

The only solution that has ever worked for me... had two parts to it: 1. The first part of the solution was to stop drinking entirely. And, 2. The second part of the solution is to find a way to stay stopped! And, that has been what A.A. has done for me... It gave me the second part of the solution... the way to stay stopped.

My best wishes and my best regards to you, Fia!!!

Keep coming back!

Dallas

[anniemac]

Hi Fia ~ welcome to AA and to this forum! So, today is Thursday and I can't wait to hear all about your experience at your first meeting!!

[Molly M.]

Hey Fia:

Just wondering how you're doing?

Hugs,

Molly M.

[Fia]

Hi everyone,

Sorry for not being around that much recently ~ the busiest time for me at work is the weekends. I've been meaning to pop in and say hello for a few days now, but I've not had the chance until now..."hello!"

I'm still "hanging in there" (day eight today) Oh, and I came across a wonderful book yesterday by Shelly Marshall ~ 'Hour to Hour: The First Thirty Days'. It has little daily affirmations/meditations for every hour ~ ideal for when twenty four in one go is too much. It's wonderful, encouraging and simple enough so that even I undertand it!

I've noticed that the "fog" seems to have lifted, or at least it's begun to; my thinking is clearer and I'm realising how much I really do over-analyse and complicate even the simplest things.

I did go to the meeting on Thursday and have never felt I belonged anywhere as much as I did while sat in that room. I felt so welcome and it was almost as if the entire meeting was directed at me ~ the main topic was how everyone found AA, where they were at beforehand and how their lives had improved since. I couldn't have asked for a nicer group of folks! Cravings are still coming and going but I'm trying to occupy myself when they show up ~ going for walks etc.

One thing that really made sense to me in the meeting was their description of sobriety being a process ~ it takes time. And I think that's why (or, certainly one of the reasons why) I went back to drinking so often initially ~ I never gave the process the time that it requires. If things hadn't changed in say....three weeks, for example, I'd think "well, screw it; that's not working either". But I'm following suggestions and I'll keep going back. This time...I'll give it time!

Again, sorry for not being around much at the moment ~ I hope I'll have more free time soon.
Many thanks to ALL of you for your kind words and support ~ I have thought of you often and I'll continue to do so.

Wishing you all a great 24!
Fia

[Molly M.]

Hey Fia;

That is awesome--I'm so glad you took the leap. My first few years of sobriety were wonderful, crazy, exciting and very, very special. If I hadn't had the fellowship, I wouldn't be able to write any of that now.

BTW, how did you get your sponsor. I'm curious because I know of a woman who is house bound with illness and trying to get sober. I've helped her get to a meeting, but it's very difficult with her disease. She's interested in the on-line community and I'm hoping (maybe too optimistically) that she will be wanting a cyber sponsor.

Molly M.

[Fia]

Thanks Molly,

As I said in a previous post, fear has been a problem for me, but by taking action I constantly find myself breaking through this 'barrier' of fear...and therefore I'm gaining a lot of confidence. It's truly wonderful and although I'm only eight days sober, I (and others too!) can already see a difference in myself. None of that would have happened without AA.

As for finding my sponsor, it was really by chance. I'd heard it was possible to find them online, but I was just ready to give up the search when I came across the site below. I filled in the form (I've linked to that page) and a day or two later recieved an e-mail stating that my request was being passed to a sponsor on the list. Again, by chance, the woman who replied couldn't have been more suited; very caring, very straightforward, honest and giving. She's wonderful and I can't help thinking that if we'd met at a F2F meeting, I would've asked her to be my sponsor anyway.


Thanks again!
Fia

[Molly M.]

Thanks Fia;

That's really valuable information, which might help my friend a great deal.

Congrats on another 24--do they have chips in the UK AA for time in sobriety?

Molly M.

[anniemac]

Fia, you sound wonderful! I'm so happy for you that you were able to attend a meeting, and you felt so at home. So many folks in AA share that experience of finally feeling "at home" when they got to AA.

Fear is a biggie for virtually all of us. The whole concept of AA is based on a spiritual connection. "Fear knocked on the door. Faith answered. There was nobody there." That about sums up the whole deal. The Steps are what aide us in clearing out that fear and making that spiritual connection.

That's wonderful that you have found an on-line sponsor; on-line support is quite helpful. I'd like to suggest that you also get a sponsor from the meetings you attend. Having a real live person who gets to know you in person is an important factor in my opinion.

Blessings,
Anne

[Fia]

Hi!

Molly, you're welcome. You sound like a very caring friend ~ I do hope the site becomes of use. As for the chips; In the meeting I attended, they didn't use 'em...probably due to the size of the actual meeting ~ only ten to fifteen people, all told. I have no idea about the rest of the UK I'm afraid...I've heard that some do, some don't. Personal (group) preference?

Anne, my sponsor online is urging me to find a 'real' person too ...which I will, in time. The very reason I looked online was because I had great difficulty in tracking down a meeting I could reach. She found a much closer one for me, through the central office. In my eyes, she very much helped to turn an impossible situation into a possibility...and also gave me the hope I needed to be able to take action in said situation (sorry if this isn't making sense...I need more coffee ) I don't know; it's just the way it happened for me. Without the online sponsor and initial support she gave, I'd never have made it to a F2F meeting in the first place ~ which means that I probably would have given up and I'd be drinking now. But yes, I am looking for somebody I can work with F2F.

Every time I work past fear, I find that I feel I've achieved something...it's like opening several doors and finding several different ways of doing something...other than to drink! I like the "Fear knocked on the door. Faith answered. There was nobody there". That's great!! I'm gonna have to print that one out Thank you Anne.

Thanks again everyone!
Fia

[Fia]

** Just to apologise for posting the links in my earlier posts ~ they've been removed, but I still have them in my bookmarks folder ~ if anyone is interested in future, in either the book or the site I posted, please feel free to PM me and I'll pass them along ***

Again, my apologies!
Fia