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Welcome Tina!

Postby blueangel » Tue Jul 31, 2007 11:14 pm

I havent been around much of anywhere lately but I've still been hitting as many meetings as I could and reading my BB tons, and working the program in addition to a very busy hotline. Summer is great, but it also brings canning, canning, and more canning. Every week or so I check on the status of my divorce. I'm actually going through a very unusual serene time in my life, so I guess I must be doing something right.

I guess that brings the total of sober people in Arkansas up to 4, but I would be willing to estimate it's more than that. :D
Always, Kay
blueangel
 
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Postby DebbieV » Mon Aug 13, 2007 12:22 pm

Hey Tina,

Just wanted to check in and see how things were going. I wanted you to know that we do care ( should speak for myself, I am bad about saying we and not me, like I know what the world thinks) but anyway I do care about what is going on with you, and it lets me know I'm not alone in this great big sober world.

Hope your doing great, and hope to hear from you soon.

Deb
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Location: Silverton, Co

Postby TinaL » Mon Aug 13, 2007 4:16 pm

Hey Deb,

Thanks for thinking about me, it means so much to me! I had a really bad week last week as you all have read about. Today I am doing much better! Thank God I am still sober! Yesterday was my six month anniversary! Yipee!! :lol:

I was out of town over the weekend which was really nice to get away from everything! Now it is back to the "real world" and all the problems that go along with it! I have alot of work yet to be done in keeping my sobriety and alot of praying to my HP about what I am to do next!

I am still having a hard time with turning everything over... I keep trying to do certain things "my way"... I am working things in "half measures"...I seem to know this but I will not change it... I am still twisted and confused...

Things are not as clear for me as they seem to be with you Deb... You are doing great by what I am reading! Way to go Deb!

I pray that soon I will be able to turn it "all" over and leave it "all" up to God, as I understand him!

God Bless You All,
Tina
TinaL
 
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Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2007 12:52 am
Location: Little Rock, Arkansas (USA)

Postby Dallas » Mon Aug 13, 2007 6:31 pm

Hey Tina,

Nice to hear from you. Thanks for checking in.

TinaL wrote: I am still having a hard time with turning everything over...


Maybe that will be easier for you than it has been for me! :lol:

I still get confused when I hear "turn it over" -- because I know that most often when I that phrase, -- it's bass-ackwards to when I think of it. :lol:

For me -- to "turn it over" means -- look at the other side of it. To turn it over and look at the other side. To see it from a different angle. (Which is what the 12 Steps helped me to do). It doesn't mean handing it off to Something or Someone else to do something with it. :wink:

Hang in there! And, take the Steps. The elevator is broken! :wink:
Dallas
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Postby TinaL » Mon Aug 13, 2007 6:58 pm

Dallas,

That does sound funny "turn it over". :lol: When you tell me exactly the way it sounds and the way it really is, it makes me look at it differently. So, what I really should have said is that I am having a hard time turning my will and my life over to God, as I understand him. I just shortened it up some and made it sound like I was trying to pick something up and turn it over and give it to someone else to turn over and do something with it... I don't know what I was really trying to say? :?

Thanks to everyone for being here for me! Thanks for keeping me on my toes! You all are great! I am blessed to be here!

God Bless!
Tina
-------------------------------------------
I edited this part in later; Uh-oh, I've been thinking :shock: :lol:
------
The more I think about it this evening, I know what some of my problems are. I have a problem with procratination and fear! Fear that leads me to inaction and failure. I seem to be struggling with this daily.
-------
TinaL
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2007 12:52 am
Location: Little Rock, Arkansas (USA)

Postby DebbieV » Mon Aug 13, 2007 10:59 pm

Hey Tina,

I'm with Dallas on that one, the words turn it over did not want to go into my head. If I could 'turn it over' I would not need AA, HP, sponsor, BB nothing.....Free, Free at last.... but that doesnt work for me and I had such a hard time with it, here is something that I heard and I hope he doesnt mind me stealing his words.

garden variety wrote:
Here's something to help you keep it simple. Think of the third step in a single word: "CONSENT".

"Surrender" is OK, but it kinda has the notion of a struggle or a fight. Also, today I can surrender because I have something to surrender. I have "things" and "assets" along with my will and my life. When Japan and Germany "surrendered" to the Allies, they had people, places, and things leftover that were not destroyed by the war. There were assets left that were useful.

Not so for me when I hit bottom. I didn't have anything like "assets" to surrender. I didn't have anything that God could find useful, except for my arms and legs. Never mind this head that holds the "broken thinker" (like yours) - a useless piece of nearly destroyed merchandise - that was back then. But its all been transformed now.

When I first did the 3rd step, I was insane from the damage of alcohol, and I was incompetent - I could not manage even simple things from my life's affairs. I needed a "CARETAKER". I heard and watched how turning to God changed things for the better. So I became CONVINCED that God, whoever that was, would be a good enough "caretaker" for me at least for a while. So when I'm in that kind of physical, emotional, and spiritual mess, there's not much to fight about or surrender.

I could only CONSENT just like someone insane, disabled, or incompetent CONSENTS when they need someone to take care of their life's affairs. Saying that 3rd step prayer for the first time was just like "signing on the dotted line". It was my contract with God as I understood Him. All I could do was agree or "consent" to Him and let Him begin by taking care of me and my life's affairs. As I recovered, He thought enough of me to let me join the ranks of his "Company". Like the book says, "we found a new Employer". He's the Director and we're His agents.



To me that made a little more since in this hard head of mine, I hope it will help you also.

Hope you dont mind Paul!! I passed it on for ya. :D

Hang in there, somedays are better than others.

Deb
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Postby Dallas » Mon Aug 13, 2007 11:03 pm

Hey Tina!!!

I understand. :wink:

What helped me was to finally understand that Step Three doesn't mean that I turned my will and life over to the care of God, as I understand God. :shock: :shock:

What?

Yep. Step Three is that I've only made a decision to do it. In Step Three, nothing has been done other than to make a decision.

If I made a decision to drive down to Little Rock -- I'm still not there. I've only made a decision to make the drive. If I've only made the decision -- I might never get there.

I had the big fear thing going on, too. (We start to get rid of the fear in Step 4, and by Step 9, the fear is most often a thing of the past).

What helped me a lot was to look at Step Three differently. And, once I began to look at it differently -- I was able to move on through the Steps.

I had a total problem with the "God" thing. :lol: And, God must have sent someone across my path that could help me out.

To paraphrase what I did with Step Three, to get me through it, was to see it as: "I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of A.A.'s 12 Steps." I could do that. Then, I took immediate actions on the remaining nine Steps.

What I discovered when I got into Step Nine -- is that I had actually turned my will and life over to the care of God, but I didn't know that I was doing it! :lol:

As long as I knew it -- I couldn't do it. That may sound strange, but that's how it worked for me. And, now -- I don't have any problem with the God thing at all. Nor do I have a problem with God. I talk to Him all the time. :lol: Imagine that! And, it all seemed to happen automatically without me even trying to do it. It just happened as a result of taking the Steps. And, for me -- that's the miracle of it.

Once I got up to Step Nine -- and continued taking actions, and moving forward -- my life began to get better. And, when I hit Step 10, and kept on continuing forward with 10 through 12 on a daily basis (and doing those Steps by taking actions to follow the instructions on doing them, rather than doing them in my head) myself and my life have continued to get better and better and better and better.

It works. It really does.

Dallas

P.S. The hardest part of taking the Steps -- is thinking about the Steps. :shock: Once I was able to stop thinking about the Steps and just get into action taking the Steps -- in almost no time at all -- I discovered that I had just finished taking the 12 Steps.
:wink:
Dallas
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Postby Dallas » Mon Aug 13, 2007 11:19 pm

BTW: I discovered that most often -- my fear was based on my:

False
Expectations
Appearing
Real.

The stuff that I was fearing wasn't happening.
And, the stuff that I was expecting to happen -- didn't happen either.

It just appeared to me -- that it was already happening. It wasn't really happening.

I found out that I had been talking to myself -- and telling myself stories about what was happening or going to happen -- and then it would scare the crap out of me!

Now, I'm careful to watch what I'm saying to myself.

Dallas
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Postby TinaL » Tue Aug 14, 2007 2:48 pm

Dallas,

Wow! I see clearly now the “fogâ€
TinaL
 
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Postby TinaL » Tue Aug 14, 2007 2:51 pm

DebbieV wrote:To me that made a little more since in this hard head of mine, I hope it will help you also.

Hope you dont mind Paul!! I passed it on for ya. :D

Hang in there, somedays are better than others.

Deb


Deb,

You were right, that did make more sense to me too. Thanks for passing it on to me!

Thanks for sharing and thanks for letting me share!

Tina
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