- New: I'm Ann Marie..."littlemiss"

New: I'm Ann Marie..."littlemiss"




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New: I'm Ann Marie..."littlemiss"

Postby littlemiss » Fri Sep 28, 2007 10:42 am

Hi. I am on Day 5 of no alcohol. No Huge Bottom...I just want to stop...I think...lol!
I'm thinking of going to an A.A. meeting...printed out all in my area...:) I have read addiction books on & off for years...have some A.A. books...went to a few A.A. meetings about 6 years ago...Didn't drink for 19 days then & I then got sorta bored w/ it...couldn't relate to the crazy stories in the meetings I went to...wasn't ever sure if I was a problem drinker or an alcoholic...

I could be a heroin addict & I'd STILL be high-functioning...Type A personality, etc. so many people have told me there's no way I could ever be an alcoholic (including my late father)...*I* know that isn't true at all...
My mom has been in A.A. for 20+ years & my brother recently went back into the program...

I'm 41 & married w/ 2 girls in S. Calif....I've been drinking since my teens on & off...No Huge dramatic troubles...but about 20 years ago when I had my 1st daughter, I began drinking wine to help me sleep at night...About 13 years ago, it became more of a nightly habit...& I began hiding it --the amounts...
Never drank in the day/driving, etc--Blah-Blah...BUT, I'm sick of waking up a bit bleary-eyed...w/ unclear thinking...sick of having to BUY it & hide it...
I don't have any physical withdrawal problems--other than EVEN WORSE insomnia...OY! I hate that...THAT is what excuse I had the last time of 4 days sober to go back to IT.

This is an excruciatingly Bad Time to try & quit...w/ the holidays & my H. & I are battling another addiction of HIS. BUT, I know that there simply IS NO GOOD TIME to quit...Duh! And I'm in another 12 Step Anon group that I'm learing & growing like crazy in...So, I'm thinking, Well, let's just BOTH get into Recovery Full-Blown! ...:)

I'll share more later...This is LONG...I'm glad to be here...
Anyone in S. Calif?

Ann Marie







:roll: :roll:
littlemiss
 
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Postby Dallas » Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:31 am

Hey "littlemiss" Anne Marie!!!

Glad you finally got logged in! :lol:

Yep. Anytime was a tough time -- for me to quit. :wink:

The hardest part for me in quitting -- was staying quit. That's how I learned that I was alcoholic. I was Powerless over leaving it alone -- after I quit. Any reason was a good reason to get started again. :oops:

I relate to some of what you shared about you. The type A functioning over-achiever! "Who me? How could I have an alcohol problem?"

I was right -- alcohol was not my problem. My problem is alcoholism. If my problem was just alcohol -- I could have quit and stayed quit with no major problems. But, because my problem was alcoholism -- I kept starting again. And, each time got worse. And, I had difficulties without drinking.

Non-alcoholics -- even the heavy problem drinkers, can quit drinking and everything gets better for them. Alcoholics of my type -- when they quit -- that's when the real problems start. Alcohol was my solution -- not my problem. That, too -- is what makes me alcoholic. While drinking, I could function. When sober -- I had real problems.

I couldn't have stopped drinking without going full-blown in recovery. Maybe not all alkies are like that -- but, I was. (And, still, I'm like that).

I took the 12 Steps to get over drinking. It took care of removing my obsession with alcohol and my insanity of the next first drink. Eventually, it even helped change my personality and emotional conflicts -- so that I could be happy while sober. And, I was eventually able to sleep good, too! :lol:

Recovery has been a pretty good deal for me. I thought my life was good while drinking -- until I got sober and saw what my life was really like.

Recovery and A.A. has given me a whole new life and a new me.

Glad you're here! It's great to have you.

Dallas B.
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Postby littlemiss » Fri Sep 28, 2007 12:29 pm

Thanks for sharing, Dallas...

HOW bloody LONG does it take for the Sleeping Issue to resolve itself, She asks...:)?

And, Oh-My-Gorsh-- I am DREAMING LIKE CRAZZZZZZZZZZEEEEEE!!!!!
I'm NOT taking any sleeping aids UNLESS I get insanely desperate...cuz that just muddles the sleep waters for me...

And, as far as "staying-stopped"..Um, I haven't TRIED much in the last 13 years! Ahem...THAT might say A LOT :roll: . All I know is Something is Desperately wrong if One is Drinking EVERY NIGHT to fall asleep--numb-out...Ya think...?

:o
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Location: S. Calif.

Postby garden variety » Fri Sep 28, 2007 1:46 pm

Hi Lil' Miss,

Welcome here to our little electronic meeting place.

About the "insomnia" thing, the good folks in the world of medicine tell us that insomnia related to the withdrawal from alcohol (detox) will last about 2-3 weeks. But that doesn't speak to that "peculiar mental effect" alcohol had on our mental and emotional wellness. It's only a benchmark of how long physical withdrawal can last. For me it seemed to last a little longer maybe about a month and a half - I was pretty shaky and physically sick. Essentially DT's without hallucinations.

The other thing about staying stopped is the "challenge", and its why we need each other in this fellowship. Like the book says, after a certain point in our drinking "careers", we crossed over this imaginary line where our strongest desire to stop drinking - our strongest act of willpower - was of no avail to us. We lost the ability of choice when it came to alcohol. If alcohol is around us, like Dallas just said, we're powerless to leave the stuff alone.

So if that sounds like a condition you can relate with, then you're in the right place.

Oh yeah, one more thing about that "highly functional" or "Type A" alcoholic business, I was told don't kid yourself - you're nothing more than a "garden variety" drunk who thinks he's different. It's true.

The "funtional alcoholic" idea is like the "high-bottom - low-bottom drunk" talk. To me it doesn't make any difference whether you function or not or how high or low the bottom is - you're still a "garden variety" alcoholic like me.

Here's my call on the "functioning" and "bottom" issue. Either of those ideas just tell me that the "threshold of pain" is different for some people. If I consider myself a "low-bottom drunk" or "functional alcoholic" it just means I have a higher threshold for pain and misery which is not a thing worth bragging about. That means it will take longer and hurt a whole lot more before the inevitable happens: alcohol WILL eventually "beat me into a state of reasonableness".

It would be much better for me if my threshold of unbearable pain peaks out with a delinquent phone bill, or a "D" on a mid-term exam. God bless those drunks who cut and run when they feel the pain of a hangnail! I heard a lawyer guy speak at a meeting with over 20 years, and he was hurting pretty young in college - but his line got crossed in "Grad school" - something like Dallas or me might have thought felt like a mosquito bite. But he got sober and he helps so many guys - he's got excellent quality sobriety and his enthusiasm that will make you smile and say I want what he has! He's 52 years old and doesn't look a day older than 35.

God bless,
Paul
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Postby anniemac » Fri Sep 28, 2007 2:16 pm

Hey LittleMiss ~

Welcome to the group here, and congratulations on being alcohol-free for 5 days!!

I have a lot of those "yets" too, Ann Marie ~ no DUI, no lost job, no car crash, no daily drinking, no physical withdrawal....YET. I learned in AA that I don't have to take the elevator all the way to the bottom; that I can step off at any time. When I first got here, I really didn't think that drinking could/would ever kill me. I knew that alcohol killed folks; I just figured that didn't apply to me, and that I'd just have a more miserable life if I kept on drinking.

Well, now I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is a progressive deadly disease, and I was quite fortunate to not have to go through a lot of the pain that others have experienced in their drinking days. Not to say I had no pain, though ~ emotionally I was pretty dead inside. Didn't even know that until I was sober a while, either. When I first stopped drinking, I thought I was perfectly fine and healthy, except I just liked to "party a little too much."

Anyway, this is a great site with some very solid sobriety; hope you stick around!

Anne
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Postby littlemiss » Fri Sep 28, 2007 2:18 pm

Paul,

I get that...And I ask myself, So what--do I want to wait another ? years until I actually DO/WILL find myself drinking in the morning ...drinking & driving...or just knowing that another 5 - 10 years of my life was sorta blury where I wake up feeling crappy yet AGAIN? OR What if I get help NOW & stop NOW & start enjoying a life of Grateful Recovery?

I remember my demure little sweet Teacher Mom saying: "Do you really think I just woke up one morning & DECIDED to start drinking in the morning!? OR Drinking & driving to the post office--of course NOT!"

EXACTLY. My husband (a recovering alcoholic/&addict himself who got sober years ago w/ out A.A. but he's now newly in another new 12 Step program--YAY!) knows I've had Drinking Issues over the years...BUT, he does NOT know to what extent (daily & the amount) as I've of course, kept it from him...
Part of me knows that until I Come Clean & bring it out into the Light, I won't truly get help...cuz when I tell him, I'll be really accountable...

We both have a relationship w/ God...& have been stregthening that for the past 9 months since his other addiction came out...

Thanks for letting me share...
littlemiss
 
Posts: 101
Joined: Mon Sep 24, 2007 9:34 am
Location: S. Calif.

Postby DebbieV » Mon Oct 01, 2007 5:56 am

Hey Littlemiss,

It seems you have a lot of issues about quitting/not quitting.

What came to my mind when I read your post was, why dont you try to quite for a few weeks, and if you find that you cant, why not give AA a try? I am not in the least putting down any other 12 step program, but for me...my problem is alcohol, so I need to be in Alcoholics Anonymous.
If my problem was say gambling, sex, drugs, co-dependent etc....AND NOT alcohol, then maybe I would try another 12 step program. Not to say I dont have some problems with some other issues, but my main problem is alcohol.

Thanks for letting me share.
Debbie
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Postby littlemiss » Mon Oct 01, 2007 11:06 am

DebbieV wrote:Hey Littlemiss,

It seems you have a lot of issues about quitting/not quitting.

What came to my mind when I read your post was, why dont you try to quite for a few weeks, and if you find that you cant, why not give AA a try?
Thanks for letting me share.
Debbie


Debbie,

Well, my husband had to go out of town & I chose to drink to deal w/ my pain...not much, but that doesn't matter, I realize.

I AM going to go to some A.A. meetings IF I can FIND an accurate up-to-date meeting schedule for S. Calif!! :roll: (see my other post today...:)
You'd THINK they'd KNOW that those of us that need HELP certainly NEED to KNOW where in the heck the meetings actually ARE...Sigh...

I think the cool Grace-Filled thing about A.A. is that you can simply be screwing up...still slipping & sliding & still attend open meetings...I have to laugh when I hear some of you went DRUNK!!! :lol:
But, the Perfectionist in me says," Oh no, you can't go unless you've had X number of consecutive DRY DAYS...& 5-Days-in-a-row won't cut it...
littlemiss
 
Posts: 101
Joined: Mon Sep 24, 2007 9:34 am
Location: S. Calif.

My name is Anne, I'm an alcoholic

Postby musicmode » Mon Oct 01, 2007 12:45 pm

Welcome to the site, kid.

I was told that the more I hung around, the more I would be able to relate to what other's were saying. At first, none of it made sense...but then again...nothing made sense. On the outside, I had it all together...kids off to school, meals on time, etc., but on the inside, I was a mess. I "thought" that if the better everything looked (house, car, etc.,)...I'd feel better. The more I worked at keeping it together, the more unravelled I became on the inside, until finally, I'd "cleaned and painted" myself into a corner with no where to look but at myself, and at what was really wrong. I hadn't lost everything, but in fact...I did lose. I lost my identity. I was nothing but a shell...a shell of yellowish-greenish ick of a color, nerve endings freyed, and no lust for life...in fact, I was killing myself, and the sobering truth was...I knew it, deep down. I got a little help from a Doctor about the sleeping issue, and didn't need them for long. She'd given me a refill, but I never did use that. I began to attend AA. When I said it outloud, for the first time, that my name was Anne, and that I was an alcoholic...deep-down, I knew it to be true, and quite frankly, there was a teensy-weensy bit of relief, because...I didn't know a whole lot else...but that much, I knew, and it was a starting point.

I had come around for about a month or so, and I'd been listening, but nothing really grabbed me in the sense of being able to relate...then the night came...whether it was the topic? Or, I was finally 'clear headed' enough (even at 2 months without a drink, I was only about 15 minutes sober :twisted: :P :wink: ), where it seemed as though the other person had crawled inside my head and had a look around. I was not only able to relate to this other person, this other person was also able to relate to me? That blew me outta the water to hear how someone else could relate to me?? This person had 13 years sobriety? That's when going to the meetings made sense. That's when "you are keeping me sober" began to make sense. That's when the reason for having such meetings, and having contact with other members (phone numbers) made sense. I got something---whatever that 'something' was...I got it. It was suggested to me to pick a story in the BB...any story...and, maybe you won't relate to the person in the sense of what they do for a living...but...you will find something about yourself/that you will be able to identify with--in those stories. It's about the feelings. Being able to relate to: got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired...when I heard that, I felt more comfortable about being a member of AA.

Go easy on yourself, and give yourself time. There's no rush, there's no certificate of completion. The reward, though...if before you know it...you have another minute, another hour...another day...without that drink. Down the road...I can tell ya from experience...one day you will look back, and you will see results...and you'll like them, too :wink: .

Stick around---you're in the right place :wink:

Here's to another 24.

Anne (musicmode) 8)
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Postby Dallas » Wed Oct 03, 2007 2:51 pm

Hey Littlemiss,

I saw that you posted on a different topic... and different as I am, I decided that I would reply to your post here!

It's nice to see that you're checking in daily and keeping us updated with what's going on in your world. I need to take some additional effort on my part to keep something fresh for you to check out each day! :oops:

Sometimes, I get carried away with so many different things -- and I don't take a few minutes to post something... unless someone else posts first. I cruise in and see if there is something new posted... and if not, I cruise out again. Maybe, others do the same.... and if that's the case... no wonder it gets so quiet around here! :wink:

I'll do better!

Have you been able to make it to any meetings yet? If, yes... which one's? (Maybe I'm familiar with them).

How many days sober are you now?

Let me know if I can help.

Dallas

P.S. On the speaker tapes... naturally, I prefer my sponsor, most of all. :wink: But, I do have a bunch of all-time favorites that I enjoy. Plus, I get the speaker tapes each week from the Pacific Group's big speaker meeting on Wednesdays..... and, those are always good, too. I'll make up a list and PM it to you.
Dallas
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