It's been a long time since I have been on this forum. It's kind of strange to be back. My name is Kathy and I have been sober for a about three and a half years now. I know beyond any doubt that I am an alcoholic and this program has saved my life.
I have learned so many things since I have been a member it's hard to decide where to begin. First and formost I learned that I am not unique, and that I am not the worlds leading authority on anything. Although that came as quite a shock to me at first, it has been a great source of comfort over the course of time. I am responsible for my actions and only my actions. I can't fix advise or change anyone else or any thing, unless they want to change. I have no control over that. What a relief that has been.
I discovered too that the reason I wanted to fix everyone else, was to avoid looking at myself. That was an eye opener for me too. When I went through the steps the first time, I was amazed that I knew very little about myself and what made me so miserable. With the help of a sponsor I was reconnected with a power greater than myself and given a chance to get to know me for who I really was. What made me tick and what ticked me off.
All of those character defects were based on self. I just didn't know or understand any other way until I came into this program and was given an opportunity to face life on life's terms. The most imortant discovery was that I didn't have to do it alone.
I have learned to be a friend and how to have friends too. These have been miricles in my life. I was a very lonly and sad person before I got sober.
I'm not perfect by any strech, but today I know I have choices and opportunities to learn even more each and every day. I have hope today that I might one day become excatly the person I have always believed I could be. That will take time and it also means that I have to keep coming back.