What an awful thing, MsBabbit.
I'm sad for you and your friend's family. And I understand your angst. Seen it. Been there. It's a struggle of mine, too.
I've lost a few friends to this disease in the last couple of months. I've also lost friends who won. It's been put to me that, "He who dies sober wins." That's the only solid goal-line in this thing. Bless her heart.
It's also been put to me that we are not changing from bad to good. We're changing from false to real. As is evident in my crowd, "if you're really a jerk, you'll just become a sober jerk. At least you'll be honest about it".
Most of us who realy work this program find out that we're really not bad. Our goodness has just been overpowered and overwhelmed. (Step 1)
I've also seen people take the "rigorous honesty" thing to that level. I see some who think the rigorous part is meant to bludgeon other people with. Not so for me. I have to be rigorously honest with myself. For others, a lot just needs to stay unsaid, prayed through to change my own attitude toward them and that HP will heavilly bless them ... for real. I'm into tolerance of others. Rigor is for ME and me alone.
In cases like this, I have to turn my anger into resolve that I will not be judgemental. I will not only stay sober, but I will strive for sainthood by practicing the AA principles. THAT'S a long row to hoe !
The second paragraph in the 12/12 "Step Seven" hit me with a life-goal where it says, "Nearly all AA's have found, too, that unless they develop much more of this precious quality (humility) than may be required just for sobriety, they still haven't much chance of becoming truly happy".
I may be humble enough to stay sober, but not enough to live truly happy.
It's guys like that one who convince me that true happiness can come from purposely placing myself below the lowest person in the room ... humility is a choice. If I don't, I'm convinced life will put me there against my will ... humiliation is forced. I know I'll never be truly happy with that possibility hanging over my head.
Thank God, I have the power to choose these days !
Well ... you probably didn't need all that. I appreciate the spiritual exercise. I appologize for using your grief to preach to myself. Thanks. I needed that today.
Bless your heart.