- DUI is haunting me!!

DUI is haunting me!!




Expect the unexpected... or discovered the unsuspected?

DUI is haunting me!!

Postby scraps24 » Tue Feb 09, 2010 6:20 am

I have been sober for 4 years and I am in the process of looking for a new job. I have the opportunity for a second interview at a company that
I really want to work for. I was asked to fill out a background check and along with that I wrote a note to the potential employer that I had a dui
11 yrs ago. The dui involved an accident and no one was hurt (thank the Lord above). The dui listed says "dui and controlled substance". I have called my lawyer several times over the years and told him that I never used any controlled substance. He always told me that, "that's the way it was worded back then"....I found out yesterday (when I called an associate of my lawyer) that the "uncontolled substance" should NOT be on there and that it is wrong. He said he will try to get that wording off
the conviction but can't make any promises. This has continued to hurt me over and over. I have not heard from the potential employer and I believe my honesty has hurt me! I should have just let him run the background check and explain when asked. I just can't stand this anymore. I got my life back together and tried to use rigourous honesty, only to have been slapped in the face for it over and over. What can I do?
I feel so discouraged and down. This is the kind of stuff that makes you
say...'f it ' , and even think about drinking again. It's just not fair. I tried to do the right thing and be upfront and it has hurt me. I don't say anything and it hurts me when they find out. This is a white collar position and I just blew my chances because of my dui. Where do I go
from here??
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Postby Dallas » Tue Feb 09, 2010 5:49 pm

Hello Scraps24, welcome to the site.

I know that what I'm about to write seems weird, strange, and not true... but I assure you that it's absolutely true.

For me, honesty has been my most valuable asset in recovery. Each time I've been in a situation like you are describing -- honesty won the day. This has also been true with many alcoholics that I've had the opportunity to work with. I could name so many examples that it would take several pages to list them all!

Here is one example that is representative of many: The alcoholic comes to AA and gets sober... they begin applying the principles of the 12 Steps in their lives... they are out of work, been fired, been arrested, you name it. They go to their next prospective employer and they get honest. They let the employer know "Look, I've had some problems in my past and the problems were all related to drinking. I've gone to AA, and I've been sober now, for six months. The only way that I can continue my sobriety is to be absolutely honest with everyone in my life... especially with my employer. All I ask is for a chance to show that I can do the job and be a dependable, honest and productive employee. A chance to show that I can be one of your most valuable employees. If you choose to not give me a try -- I understand. That is your right to choose and judge and decide. I thank you for the opportunity to be considered by you and I can assure you, that if you hire me, I won't let you down. I will resign the job before I let you down."

Guess what??? Myself, and dozens and dozens of sober AA's... that have done this, got the jobs.

When we then asked the Employers, "May I ask why you decided to give me a chance?" The overwhelming answer was "I've never met someone as honest as you... especially anyone that ever came looking for work." They've said things like "Everyone has something that they are not proud of, and they go to any lengths to try to hide it... and then we find out about it later, after they've been hired, and we have to let them go. But, in your case, we won't have to do that."

There is a price tag for doing this: It means you must keep your word to be a good example. This gives the employer a reason for "giving the next guy or girl in recovery a chance."

I know employers, that their first picks for a new prospective employee... is that they are in recovery and are active in a 12 Step organization.

The other option: Is to keep getting bit on the ass by it. Our book reminds us that we will not have to fear or regret our past. That our past can become our greatest asset. And, it's true.

I know many others that have said "f-it. what's the use?" And, they were dishonest. Each one of them lived with fear after they got the job and eventually lost the job because they couldn't perform with excellence... because they were living their fears.

I've taken the principle of "If there is a God, and I'm doing what I can to be true to God's principles... by being honest... then if I don't get what I want (job, relationship or whatever)... that God had something greater in store for me... and was actually protecting me from something... by not having particular situations go the way that I wanted them to go."

And, I could write pages and pages of experiences... showing the truth of this principle, also.

Whatever you decide is up to you. No one here will judge you for what you do. You are accepted as you are. And, whatever you decide is your personal decision... that will not effect any of our lives but your own.

Best wishes for whichever you decide, I hope for the best for you.

Dallas
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Postby GeoffS » Wed Feb 10, 2010 10:12 pm

also remember that not getting what we think we want can be a lucky escape.
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Postby tim-one » Fri Feb 12, 2010 10:20 am

Hey, Scraps,

(Sorry ... this turned into more of a really long self-examination than talking about you. :lol: Oh, well ... that's my step 10.)

I appreciate your position and fear. Not easy sometimes. But, Dallas and Geoff are absolutely right as evidenced in my personal experience.

Here's what I got out of my "trials" when my past keeps catching up with me.

1. I have to remember that it is MY past. I did it. Sweeping it under the carpet does me no good. Being different is what does me good. Dealing with it rightly makes it worth going through making me a better man ... a sober-minded man based in reality.

2. I realized that what I fear is usually what doesn't happen. Just like my body's defense system over-reacts around cats, my alcoholic mind over-reacts to EVERYTHING. Mind mind is alergic to life by now sending the Navy Seals to stop a bar fight in my head. Get sane. Deal with reality.

You wrote:
I have not heard from the potential employer and I believe my honesty has hurt me!


That's what you believe ... likely not what's really happening. Sure, it's possible other people are thinking the same thing you're thinking. I came to know that what I think kept me drinking ... lies just to keep me afraid of reality.

I tried honesty as a new thing - not what I'd done before over and over expecting different results.

It's as possible that they want you to contact them to find out if you really want the job and are willing to go after it. Some like to be persued. It could also be that they found someone else with more experience, expertise, some different quality they perferred and has nothing at all to do with your DUI. Maybe they just have a boat-load of applicants. You ain't one of only two people looking for a job these days. They have a LOT to choose from.

Put yourself in perspective. While you might be an above average guy, but you might not be the best on the market for them. There are plenty of other reasons they make their decisions.

You might just be singling the DUI out as the ONLY reason you're not chosen. If it's the only defect you can think of, you're probably not through your steps with your sponsor yet.

Call them and say something like, "I'm really interested in this job. What do you think?" Then just listen. Answer their questions honestly and unemotionally ... matter-of-fact, cuz that's what it is.

3. Your controlled substance is the alcohol you admit to using. Alcohol IS a controlled substance. Where you can buy it, how old you can be, where you can use it, what you can do when you use it are all controlled by laws. Illegal drugs are plain illegal. Prescription drugs are legal but controlled, just like booze and tobacco ... and firearms.

A lawyer should clear that up for you should you decide it's worth the expensive or just accept it as is. Acceptance is what alcoholics should do serenely ... especially if we can't afford to change it courageously. :wink:

4. As stated by the previous sober brothers, what I want is never as good as what I get IF I have put my life in HP's hands. He always has a better idea. Sometimes I happen to want the same thing He wants and that's cool! Sometimes I just have to change what I think I see.

I had to consciously and emotionally put results in His hands. I do what I can toward my goal and forget about the results. It either works or it doesn't. Come to find out, when I don't get what I intended, I get a little excited and start looking around for a wonderful surprise. My failure has become great opportunity to expect the unexpected. When I fail, there is SOMETHING COMING that's really gonna float my boat !

5. I don't know about your HP, but mine is more concerned with how I react and what I do IN my troubles rather than saving me from them.
"WHY ME ?!" "Why NOT me?" Why should I be immune from what everyone else goes through? I'm to be an example of His grace to help support others who don't have what I have.

That's what my stepwork was good for. More importantly, that's what my relationship with my HP does for me through the stepwork.

I want what I want. But I prefer what my HP wants these days.

I haven't had a job for over a year since before I sobered up 13 months ago. But, looking back, I started noticing that I'd had my daily bread all year. I'm not worried about the job as much as I'm so tickled listing every time I'd gotten a little work, just enough money at just the right time from sources I had nothing to do with. It just comes from somewhere. Haven't missed a single bill. That's cooler to me than a regular job today.

Hang in, Scraps. Relax. Tell the truth. If it doesn't get you that job, you really don't want it. Wanna work for someone who's going to be on your back all the time? Not trusting you? If it's that big a deal for them, really want that job? Your honesty will get you the job you SHOULD have and you'll be MUCH happier.

Maybe that's just me.

Love,
Tim1
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Postby john1977 » Thu Apr 08, 2010 12:01 pm

If you get a job through dishonest means, you will fail. Honesty must be the only way to get work, or looking over your shulder becomes the focus instead of the actual job.
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Postby Danni » Sat Apr 17, 2010 6:57 pm

Where is the update? Did you get the job?
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Postby Ranman99 » Fri Apr 23, 2010 5:44 pm

I'll add my two cents. I have also been in the position where I had three DUI's and even got the lucky break where on the third one the courts did not have a record of one of my previous and so processed it as my second. It still hurt esp. when the cop testified he had to grab me by the arm to keep me from falling in the ditch. Outch lost my license for two years instead of the regular one for that type of occurence and I was pissed. My lawyer had a way of reminding me at the time to be greatful that I escaped the grim reaper.

On the job front I have lost two jobs due to the malady but when going in for interviews I am always honest but do not volunteer information unless asked. If asked I am honest but terse. If alcohol were to come up my answer would certainly be I am sober today and help others in recovery and that's it.

For me HP has looked out for me. I just submitted two months notice for a job that has been a real blessing recovery gig but I feel it has run it's course. I do not have a new gig signed up but a good prospect for a few months from now and will trust my HP that as long as I keep doing the right things it will all work out as it should.

In hindsight I have been given great blessings. On my last two gigs no one called a single one of my references. On the latest opportunity the fellow has had direct experience working with me and knows personally some of my references so probably will be the same.

I spend more time now thinking about serving HP and my fellow man because I have been blessed big time and feel it is only right that I try and serve because of that. I really do try to let the universe show me the next right move but it is apparent in hidsight I have has to make that key phone call or proper action at just the right time to secure the path I was pursuing.

I am only 16 months sober but bounced in and out of our program for about 20 years. Some days can still be a challenge but at least now I walk awaay from the action take a breath phone my sponsor check my motives and then go back in and make my play. I listen to advice (big change there!!!)

I'm feeling excited and fearful today after resigning from a job without signing a new one but my gut told me it was the right thing to do and my employer understood my reasons and sounds like I could keep working there until I actually needed to make the move as I requested that if I go month to month that I then be able to give him two weeks notice instead of two months.

Excited and fearful seem to be my two main emotions. Not sure if anyone could related to that. Seems I've lived my whole life excited and fearful :lol:

Hope my rant helps a tad.

Good to see y'all!!!! 8)
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