And Happy Easter to you too Zipper.
Somewhere, a couple of weeks ago, Dallas wrote something along the lines that there might be a difference between making a choice based on how I think an adult should act and making a choice based on what's right for me. I wish I could find the quote, but I think that's the gist of it. Anyway, I had decided to stick with my job for next year and I was feeling really good about the "maturity" of my decision. I was even thinking that the rolling sinking sensation in my stomach was just proof that I was now "mature" enough to not take what I was considering the easier softer way.
Anyway, since then things have been getting progressively worse at my job. Until finally, I was told that the new position that was supposed to be filled next year was being cut and therefore my student load was going to be severely increased. In fact one class was going to have between 35 and 40 of the toughest students in it. That night I started getting severe stomach pains and an eye twitch. Needless to say, I was a bit of a mess when I went to my meeting that night. Thank G_D for old timers. Two of my old guys took one look at me and pulled me aside to get the scoop. These guys have about 50 yrs between them and alot of perspective. What they told me was that its not uncommon for things to get tough around 9-10 yrs because life gets complicated enough that we really need guidance from our higher power, but we're not real good at listening/hearing yet.
That would be me. I realized talking to them, that despite doing my nightly inventory prayer and meditation, I just am not listening well or trusting what I feel, so I'm doing what I think I should do not what my insides are telling me to do. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but boy did it help talking to those guys about this. One of them said that when I made the right choice I wouldn't feel stressed inside, if I had fear it wouldn't be about the decision, it would be about what was coming around the corner--and that fear would lessen with time.
Anyway, Friday morning I went in to the principals office and gave my notice--I don't think I've ever felt better. I am so relieved, I'm worried about what comes next, but I willing to go on faith.
Dallas your words were definitely right on. It's amazing how much I hold to my preconceived ideas of how I should act.
I am so grateful for this fellowship. It constantly amazes me how much I need the BB and the fellowship to help me learn how to navigate life. Each year teaches me how little I know and how much there is to learn about living life.