Hi. I'm glad to see you here, All. Makes me happy to see that you're enjoying the thread and using it.
I've been pretty busy with Mom and have had to put my social life on hold for the time being. My social outings are limitted to my AA meetings at present, but I hang aound for a while and catch a visit or two with newcomers and old friends.
She is experiencing increasing pain and I'm certain that the next time they raise her dose will be when we no longer are able to communicate well so I'm running out for small visits frequently. She's only ten minutes away.
This has created a new challenge for me. Mom had an affection for alcohol before I was born. She and her doctor dealt with it by the Valium method. So I was raised by an active, though functional, addict. Now that she is under the influence again I am noticing an occasional push of my childhood buttons. Over the years I developed good boundaries around this and haven't had to deal with it for a couple of decades. But our circumstances are different right now and I've noticed I'll have to be watching not to engage.
Boston, I more than isolate in the computer. I am a computer addict. While I am an introvert, it's more a matter of conserving energy rather than avoiding people when I step out of society for a while. My coping skills are good and I enjoy the company of others. And vice-versa, I think for the larger part.
But, when I feel the need to talk to others about my computer use and they ask questions about it, I get the same uncomfortable feelings answering as I did when I was drinking and someone was asking me questions about how much, how did it affect me, etc. That's a wake-up call for me that I am dealing with addiction.
I've only been in recovery from a severe, nearly deadly, relapse for a couple of years and am certain that it is now time to start to take on the next in the seeming endless list of compulsions I can acquire. Sometimes I think being in recovery can be a lot like "Whack-a-Mole!"
Thanks, Sunshine. You describe my own experience accurately. And I have learned to pay attention to that second or third time something is brought up as a message from HP. I am, by nature, a scatter-brained sort of person and now also have some brain damage from drinking so paying attention is a major goal.
I think, as Dallas mentions, Much of it depends on where I am focussing when I am on the computer and what my honest reason is for being there. I was in the middle of a fourth step when Mom got her terminal diagnosis and my sponsor and I both decided to put that on hold for a while.
But one of the character defects that I was ready to let go became evident to me in my conversation in one forum. So that was kinda neat. I was also glad to see that once it had begun to bother me I was able to change my behavior. It was an old thing which had never bothered me much and didn't seem too problematic. But in this particular forum I was connecting with others who seemed to call out that defect in a negative way. I finally made a decision to move over and relieve myself of that group.
I've also done really well this week with hitting the computer, getting my business done and getting away from it again. Makes me think of the kind of struggle people with eating disorders have learning how to eat (still) but to do it in a healthy way. A tricky thing to get a handle on.
The kinds of feelings I am getting while I am on the computer also seem a pretty good guide to me for when it's time to step out.
I have a plan written out for me by a mentor and put on my refrigerator and on the top she wrote my words to her. "I know that I won't starve emotionally." I smile everytime I glance at it and it is proving true.
Later. . .