Day 34

[otterpop]

It's one AM here in Denver and it's also my 34 day since finding out about the wonderful "Club" that no one really wanted to be a part of, and now I'm a part of to (Thank God)
Can't sleep tonight, I'm having a horrid time feeling guilty. You see, I had been trying to stay sober on my own for years and years, having the ability to string a few months together only to crash and burn. Well, this last train wreck seems to have cost the most. Not because I lost a job or got another DUI or did something stupid to myself, but because I hurt someone who I fell in love with. Someone who I feel truely cared for me too.
Before, I would crash alone and move about it rather quickly but this time it seems that I've taken someone dear to me along for the ride.
I hear that there are no mistakes in God's world, and believe me, I'm so thankful for my friend who gave me hope through sharing AA with me, but tonight it seems soooo expensive, at the cost that is paid by another.
My heart is breaking not knowing how to show this person that I'm twisted about what's happened.
I know I've lost her trust, and trust is better than love sometimes.
I want to "let go and let God" in everything but tonight, I'm Jacked but sober.
Thank you guys,
The rookie
Steve (otterpop)

[otterpop]

Steve (otterpop) here, alcoholic/addict(see post-Day 34)
Wanna hear something funny? Last night around 1am I was putting the hurt on my mind and my heart trying to figure out... one, how in the heck could I have done something so selfish and just plain wrong to the woman I was in a loving relationship with? And two, how am I ever going to let her know how sorry and terrible I feel about my actions. I even went on to say that I wanted to "let go and let God" because I really didn't know what to do.
Well, no sooner than 30 seconds after I logged off of Step12.com I was logged on to the social site where I could write her what I thought was an appropriate note. I typed it up and re-read it several times. When I went to push "Send" my thumb accidentaly hit the wrong button and the message was erased and the note wasn't sent. I was like, whoa!! At that very moment I realized that the deleted note was God's wisper, I also realized that, if I don't know what to do...maybe I should do nothing and just "be still".
I didn't retype the note and felt peace about not sending a note that was emotionally driven. Was it a sign from God? Today, I think so. All day I've been hearing "in God's time, not mine" and it feels comforting to understand that I don't have to know it all today. Just keep going back to the meetings and don't take a sip!
With that I'll say-Thank You Step12.com and the people who share their experiences.
Steve in Denver

[Dallas]

Awesome sharing, Steve! Glad you're here! We're open 24/7! So, keep coming back, regardless of what time it is... we never close!

Dallas