Nicole, it's great to have you here with us, and it's wonderful that you shared your story with us. Thank you!!!!
None of us will talk about doctor stuff and medication stuff here, because we're not medical professionals... and one of the boards guidelines is to leave the medical stuff alone... regarding our opinions and suggestions in that regards.
I do relate to many of the conditions that you mentioned, and I could add a few to the list!
And, I can say that with time, effort, and taking the 12 Steps... most all my conditions are history, gone, vanished, and a few will pop up once in a while, and I've learned what it is that I'm doing that creates them.
It sounds like you're into some good stuff, especially with the Charlie & Joe BB Study CD's. They are awesome! I feel a tremendous amount of personal gratitude to Charlie and Joe, in regards to what they have shared with us.
You mentioned that your sobriety date is December 2005. Mine is November 14th, 1986. The reason that I mention that... is because if both of us never drink again... neither one of us will be any more physically sober than we are right now. The alcohol is out of our body. It's gone. And, we will never be any more physically sober than we are right now. The body can only be totally 100% sober... it can't be 200 or 300% sober....
As alcoholics, of our type (you sound like my type
), we're now faced with the decision as to whether we want to recover mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And, we have an opportunity to reconstruct and rebuild our lives. Just like it took some time for us to get physically sober, it will take us some time to recover mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And, it will take us time to reconstruct and rebuild our lives.
One of my most favorite paragraphs in the BB, (because all the paragraphs are my favorites) is on page 128-129, in "The Family Afterward." When I read it, I don't assimulate it so much as towards the "Family" but as for my own individual self... it reads:
"Like a gaunt prospector, belt drawn in over the last ounce of food, our pick struck gold."....
All my life, since the time I was a little kid... something inside me told me that there was more than I was living. I spent most of my life looking for that something. For a while, in my life... the alcohol and drugs made it seem like I had found it! But, most often, it seemed like I was near to finding it! ... "Just a little more... and I would get it!" But, in reality, I never got it. It was only an illusion... that I was near to finding what it was that I was really looking for. That something that was missing inside me. That something that would fill the big hole. That something, that would release the tension on this big spring in my gut that would tighten and become physically painful, until I could treat it with alcohol.
After I finally landed in AA, after failing my first time in...
, I needed some big time relief! The meetings weren't making me better. The AA activities and invovlement was not helping me. And, I was doing tons of it!!! I was getting worse... as I watched others appear to be getting better. Sure, I was sober... but, my life was miserable and painful.
Having no where else to turn, and having tried everything I could try, I discovered the solution, as described in the Big Book.... And, the Charlie and Joe tapes helped me a lot with that, also! It showed me some things that I had not been seeing. I learned about "taking the Steps" instead of "working the Steps"... (as it mentions on page 59) ... "Here are the Steps we took."
When I was about halfway through Step Nine... was when my pick really hit the gold that I had been looking for my entire life! I discovered what had been missing. And, I began to feel complete, and whole, with nothing missing.
It was such an awesome experience for me, that I started to have some fear that "If it's this good... I'll probably be loosing it soon!" (Always had that feeling like the bottom was soon to fall out!).
And, that's where the other part of the paragraph on page 129, kicked in for me... "For a time he may try to hug the new treasure to himself. He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless load which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product."
WOW!!! A limitless load of good!!! Imagine that?
Gold runs in veins. And, in mining, they refer to "the mother load" as the source of the veins of gold, that run out from the "mother load."
In other words... as good as I thought it was... and it was better than anything that I could ever imagine... I had tapped in to a limitless load of what I had been looking for, my entire life!
I could see that there was two conditions to keeping tapped into it.
1. It will pay dividends, only if I mine it for the rest of my life. And,
2. I have to give it all away! I can't keep any of it for myself!
For me, that means keeping on keeping on with the 12 Steps. "These were the Steps that I took"... and "These are the same Steps that I continue taking... after I took them!"
I realize this is a rather long reply... so... I hope you get at least a little pick full from my sharing!
Perhaps, it will suggest where you may be, in regards to that limitless load... and what your next Step is to be.
I'm sure glad you're here with us!!!! Keep coming back! I'm interested in hearing more from you!