My story goes something like this....had the kindergarten teacher been handing out "shots" vs crayons I may have gotten here sooner....the memory of the discomfort while sitting in that classroom is so vivid it's as if it were yesterday.....
moving right along and looking back I possessed zero coping skills, social skills, abundance of self centeredness, etc. alcohol made me feel "normal"
then the point arrived where I crossed the invisible line we speak of losing the ability to control my drinking. But why would I want to stop? that is....maybe I'm "not" an alcoholic and wouldn't that would mean I would miss out on all the fun I was having. Then again..if it ever gets "that bad" I will do "something" about it.
Well it did get that bad and the time to do something had arrived and I felt I could figure "it" out....I promised myself "I'll try harder" and it will work out....or today..will be different..but we now now different.
Meanwhile my best friend of 15 years Billy received the gift of sobriety. He bought me a Big Book and took me to a meeting. (By this time I had lost the capacity read and understand..I was not capable of comprehending what was written)
At the coffee break a guy asked me"how ya doin"? I responded by saying "good"...."you look like ####" was his reply. I hope I can convey to you how I felt when he said that....it was from his heart and I knew it.....for the first time in my life I heard the truth.
I continued to drink and Billy would always come by and offer to take me to a meeting. Note: an important point I want to make here....I am now at a point where I had given up all hope of ever being sober...even for a day. Darkness and despair are my only emotions. Billy's continuing efforts have left an everlasting impression on me..."I WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON A FELOW ALCOHOIC...EVER.
I was able to refrain from drinking for 21 days....but was going out of my mind....my mind would not stop racing.....soooo... I told myself I will drink for just one night....I was at that point where it was "better" for me to drink than abstain.
Well you can assume I continued to drink....for about 4months when one day my 18 year old son who was not living with me had a neighbor of his bring him to my house.....I came to with him standing over me in tears....he said..."you've got to do something Dad" ..it was at that moment the obsession to drink was removed. (I would like to hear from those who have had a similar experience where the obsession was abruptly removed)
Off I went to a recovery home that was a no ### facility.....to which I embrace their method to this day. Along with this sobriety I was changed in other ways....for the first time in my life I felt at home...I belonged....I was able to listen and identify...and believe....
Virtually everything I know and hold of value today I was taught in Alcoholics Anonymous and today I can say..."me too"....no one..and I mean no one, has ever looked me in the eye and asked" how ya doin" as we do in A.A.
One of my best memories of this program came one day when I returned to Los Angeles to celebrate ans A.A. birthday. As I walked in the door of the meeting a greeter reached his hand out to welcome me....he asked me if I remembered him and I told him I wasn't quite sure....he went on to tell me that 14 years prior I had handed him a pamphlet at that meeting and told him to keep coming back.....and he did....
I owe my life to Alcoholics Anonymous...
bestest to all,