- When stopping drinking makes it worse - you may be alcoholic

When stopping drinking makes it worse - you may be alcoholic




Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober

Postby Joseph » Wed May 07, 2008 10:48 pm

Hi Jackie, hope you the best when replaying that tape of the past. I also am working on my step 4 right now and it is pretty emotional for me. I have just finished a 28 day program in a recovery house and we had to put pen to paper when doing our step 1. I find that it is a big help while i am doing my step 4 as i have a basic guideline already wrote out as how my disease progressed in time and some of the early events in my life when i began drinking and using. Hopefully that helps a bit as i find it is helping me with remembering my past events as i have buried so many of the far inside myself.

Wish you another 24.
Joe
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Postby GeoffS » Thu May 08, 2008 2:30 am

Sounds like you guys are taking the right actions there in step 4. Well done it can be difficult.

Remember when we start to dig around in our past, its often best not to go in there alone.

Take your god, and preferably a grown up!!! (Sponsor)
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Postby Dallas » Thu May 08, 2008 4:08 am

Hello Jackie & Joseph! Thanks for your sharing!
You both bring me right back down memory lane! :wink:

Each time that I thought I had something figured out... I would discover something that I hadn't previously considered. My head started getting wrapped so tight looking for causes and conditions that it was suggested to me, to try to get used to being in the present... before I tried to dig so far into the past.

Later on, I understood what they meant. It would be sad for me to have a ton of self-knowledge and things that I thought I understood about my past... and neglect living in the now... which is where I needed to keep focused, so that I could keep putting one foot in front of the other foot and take care of the actions that I needed to take care of -- to make it through another sober day.

Sometimes, for me, the present 24 hours of the day was about all that I needed to be concerned with. Then, much later on, for me, I began to get some answers that made sense to me.

I like to read and re-read over and over again, Chapter 3, More about alcoholism. There is some heavy-duty insight in that chapter that helped me realize that I drank because I was alcoholic. And, that I had become alcoholic many years before I thought I even had a problem with drinking.

The reason I always tried to do and be something other than me -- was I felt something was missing in me. And, like I was missing something in life -- that other people had -- and I wanted to find that "something more" that my gut told me was "out there."

Finally, after a few years sober, and still searching... an A.A. member helped me to discover that what I was looking for -- was what I was looking with.... which, for a long time, didn't make any sense at all to me! Not only did I discover that I was looking for what I was looking with -- I discovered that the thing that I thought was missing in me -- was deep inside me all along. Chapter 4, "We agnostics" helped me to figure that one out. That's one of my favorite Big Book chapters, too. I discover something new in that chapter each time I read it.

Enjoy your journey. And, try to enjoy the moment. Sober... life is full of some really awesome adventures and discoveries!

And, Geoff brought up a real important point... this deal works so much better when we do it together... rather than trying to figure it out and try to do it alone. If you don't have a sponsor yet, just grab yourself an AA buddy that you feel comfortable with and talk with them. This concept of one alcoholic talking with another is no longer a theory... it's an idea that really works!

Wishing the best for all of you!

Dallas
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Postby garden variety » Thu May 08, 2008 2:32 pm

Geoff - Great suggestions. You're burning up the keyboard today, my friend. Thanks for helping me too!

Dallas - Great post. I love ALL that you said. Especially "looking for what I was looking with". Thanks for helping me again.

Jackie - I heard a lady share the other night at "The worlds longest continuously running AA meeting" which is the "Borten Group" which was Clarence Snyder's home group. It is such a blessing to have this kind of AA at my doorstep. But about the lady's lead.

I tell you what - she made me cry because she told my story. Like you, and like her, I never knew what the "reason" was that I was so lonely and unhappy as a kid, that I turned to alcohol for relief. But what Dallas said about that "empty space" or "something missing" inside is right on the money for me, too. Like you, and Dallas, and that lady that shared, I had the need to "figure it out" which is to say figuring out my past and the "why" of it all. Whatever the reason was, today I feel it isn’t important any more.

The lady’s message was one of loneliness. As she became acquainted with her “new friendâ€
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Postby Joseph » Thu May 08, 2008 5:00 pm

Thank you both Dallas and Paul, it really helps to see that people are trying to help me as i go through this exploration. I have been working on my step 4 with the help of my sponsors at the recovery house today. I was 12 years old as well when i started doing drugs and was stealing liquor from my mothers live in boyfriend at the time. I had realized that i was escaping the emotional terror i felt when i was being mistreated both physically and emotionally as child and felt i could not talk to anyone about it or else. Instaed i turned to substances to numb my mind and my heart. From there it progressed thru my life as i leaned on my new friend more and more as my emotions grew stronger and stronger. I substituted my higher power for alcohol and substance as it felt like the easy fix, like my new best friend that would help me no matter what, even though it was just waiting to double cross me and had a deadly plan all along. Now that i am sober I am being more honest about myself and to my higher power as he is my real father who wants the best fro me as i am living his will today. With his guidance i believe now i can stay sober and live not just exist from now on. Thanks again you guys.
Have a successful 24!
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Postby Jackie » Thu May 08, 2008 9:36 pm

WOW! am I blessed or what? The Good Lord is sure putting a lot of beautiful people in my life these days!
Dallas, Paul, Manette, Geoff and Joe, you people make me want to cry (I never cry anymore) I feel so humble that you all would make the effort to encourage and help me with your ES&H (finally found out what that means)
There is a lot to digest from todays posting and I want time to read and reread cause there is a lot to learn and this alkie isn't as sharp as she used to be.
The sun came up this morning, and the sun set this evening and I got to see and enjoy every minute SOBER and for that I am very grateful.
If its God's Will there will be another one for me tommorow and I pray its the same for all of you!

I'm Jackie and I'm an alcoholic.
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Postby GeoffS » Fri May 09, 2008 12:34 am

And thanks to you too Jackie for helping us.
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Postby Dallas » Fri May 09, 2008 11:24 am

Jackie wrote:The sun came up this morning, and the sun set this evening and I got to see and enjoy every minute SOBER and for that I am very grateful.

If its God's Will there will be another one for me tommorow and I pray its the same for all of you!


Thanks to all of you for your great sharing! What a blessing it is to wake up in the morning, log-in, and share my morning coffee with all of you!!!

Jackie... isn't that just amazing? Normies probably think we're nuts to be so grateful to see a morning sunrise and sunset... SOBER! :lol: And, to think... that if we do what we did today... and there is a tomorrow... we'll get to have another one!!! :lol: My theme song used to be "Sunday Morning Coming Down!" I just knew that Kris wrote and sang that just for me! :lol:

Joseph... very insightful sharing! Keep it coming, keep coming back, and give it away! That's the only way I found that I can keep it! :wink:

Dallas
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Postby Jackie » Fri May 16, 2008 8:49 pm

Hello fellow alcoholics.

Friday evening is here and I made it thru another week at work. Sometimes I wonder why I don't have the drive and appreciation for my job that I used to have when I was drinking.
I used to feel that when I didn't get up in the morning and want to go to work, I would pack it and find something else. But now even when I feel this (I don wanna) feeling I force myself to go to work and do the best I can, and its a real drag feeling this way.
My alkie reasoning is that my body and mind are at war with what is right and important thing to do, after all I invested a good portion of my life working to get this job. My family depends on me for the wages and such and I don't want to upset the apple cart so to speak.
Or is it that I' still suffering from self pity about about being known as a full blown alcoholic.( I was the only one that was fooled or fooling myself about my condition.)
My fellow workers treat me fairly and with respect so that is not an issue,still the feeling lingers.
Oh well enough moaning. Just a question?? Is this part of my acceptance that I'm still fighting or should I apply to NASA for a new job.

Thanks for listening and have another 24 hours sober!

Jackie
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Postby Dallas » Fri May 16, 2008 9:33 pm

Jackie wrote:Is this part of my acceptance that I'm still fighting or should I apply to NASA for a new job.


Well... heck, now!!!

If one is good two is better! Just do them both!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

But, don't quit your day job, yet! :wink:

Hi Jackie!!!!

Nice to hear from you.

Too bad you're so far away. To me, it just sounds like you might be a bit bored. We could go tank up on high-caffiene mochas and down a few danish rolls and bounce off the walls together! Sober!!! :lol: :lol:

Ahhhh. Excitement! How I could use some of the just right kind!

What kind is that?

Well... on this Friday night... even donuts holes with a friend and some conversation sounds good!

Don't tag it as self-pity, though.... Or you'll get me in trouble! :lol:

Happy Friday night!

At least someone else is thinking about you! :lol:

Dallas
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