Dallas wrote:I hope that you took my suggestions above as in humor...
I see we still have our active "S/A Licenses". I was pretty impressed with your suggestions, bro. I'd also be inclined to say and do those things!
I've seen the same things around here - maybe sometimes in spells where there seems to be a rash of irritability going around. For me it's not hard for my conduct to drift from "light-hearted smart-@ss" to being mean. So it's when I think I'm being "cute" that I start taking my inventory. Yes there's a lot of thin skin in the rooms, and it can be overdone sometimes, but I find myself asking "am I helping the situation"?
It seems like I'm always learning lessons about my behavior. I find that sometimes things in a person's life is where that "dry drunk" unmanigeability starts. You get into a argument with a loved one, or a loved one goes and gets arrested, or things of a negative nature happen - there is always some "fallout" that hits home no matter how "spiritually fit" someone thinks they are (yours truly included).
My running buddy has been having a time with his "new interest" that is his girl - and boy has he turned into a whiney madman with a vein in his forehead popping out. There are sometimes when I literally look at him, see that vein bulging out his forehead, and push it down right between his eyes. He knows that's my signal to him that he's getting "nerved up" as Dallas likes to say. He's got 29 years last week, but I guess it's my job to keep him in line sometimes like he does me. I start teasing him, which he lets me do, and after a time he might get to Rule 62. Lately he's been disturbed quite a bit. I just told him yesterday that I want to be just as spiritual as he is when I get 29 years - this was while he was whining about something. He just stopped and said "Now that wasn't too nice". I just laughed - then he laughed at himself.
But anyhow what I'm saying is that things that happen in a man or woman's personal life will get carried all over the place. And you can say what you do, and I can say what I do, and we can all talk that "perfect AA" talk, but when a person is feeling bad or feeling pain, it takes a time to put those principles into action. I'd be lying if I said, say my girl and me get into a disagreement for example, then within 20 minutes, I'll have taken my inventory, found the thing that was disturbing me, promptly admit my wrong, then I become "happy, joyous, and free." It just usually don't work out that way.
But when we're here online, and we got time to share our ESH, it looks so simple. "Well my newcomer friend, if you do what I do, you'll get over whatever's disturbing you just by using the spiritual tool kit!" Well, yeah, it does work, but on this board, you don't see the time factor it took in my ESH before I figured it out. Heck some of the things I share about took me many years to figure out. And that is a disadvantage of online recovery - somebody might be going through pain and suffering and it seems to them like they're doing everything right, which they probably are, but they still feel blue, or angry, or lazy, or depressed. But then we sometimes do them a disadvantage by talking about how wonderful the program has worked for us. Does that make sense?
I think it all goes back to "love and tolerance is our code" like the book says. I been having to love and tolerate my buddy with his 29 years of sobriety, along with his "relationship" unhappy butt-aches for better than a couple weeks now. Is he a dry drunk? Not really. He gets into action and works with others which has kept him sober. It's just lately he's turned into a pile of mush. But I know that he will figure out this deal for himself because he's been doing it a good deal longer than me. He'll ask me questions, and I go through great pains to keep from lighting into his butt. I know he needs love and tolerance, and not a butt-whoopin. So I don't do what I want to do.
Sometimes Sunlight, the best and only thing for me to do is to just meet the needs of the day. Then it becomes such a relief to get on my knees at night and thank God for those things I was able to act constructively about, and to know that I'm forgiven whenever I come up short. After that, the miracle of another day usually happens, and it's a new beginning which I know will be different than the day before.