- Going thru a phase

Going thru a phase




Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober

Going thru a phase

Postby Jools » Wed May 20, 2009 12:04 pm

Lately I haven't "felt" like AA. I haven't wanted to share that here because I think I know what you folks are going to tell me, but perhaps I need to hear it anyway. I've found myself going to less meetings, calling my sponsor less, when I do go to meetings nit pick about the things that are or are not happening in meetings and coming here less.

I feel like I'd rather stay home and isolate. Lay in the bed watching movies and to heck with the rest of the world and AA. I feel like I'm depressed and I'm treading on very dangerous ground here.

Then I read the bit about depression that Bill wrote and I realized that I need to get out of me. Quit going by my feelings and get out of the damn bed.

Thanx for letting me share,
Julie
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Postby tim-one » Thu May 21, 2009 8:38 am

Who else are you gonna share that with honestly???

And you NEED SHARE IT!

I know, for me, if I isolate, don't stay spiritually fit and in constant contact with HP, don't share, don't talk, etc., I'm a gonner.

I'm just one brain-fart away from a drink. And one drink away from hell. I take my AA "brain-Beano" every day, bloated head or not.

Being sober doesn't necessarilly stop my "mood things". Staying spiritually fit, humble, and accountable ... like it or not ... does.

I'm proud of you for realizing what you're doing and where it's going. You did the right thing, darlin'. (Whoops, I try not to say that to womens who don't know me. Might as well get used to it, I reckon.)

YOU need to get with your closest AA friends and get squished. (That's a really tight, caring hug.)

OF COURSE, you're going to hear what you already KNOW we're going to say. Nuthin like a little AA knowledge to screw up a good drunk and self-pity. You'll never be happy going out again.

I know in MY alcoholic mind that it helps me to hear myself say what I know outloud. It's better to hear people agree with me or chew me out.

Around here (Houston) they say, "How many meetings do I have to go to?" "Well, start cutting back one meeting at a time. When you go out, that was one too many."

Bless your heart. You know we're not perfect, just progressing. It's ok not to be a saint. For me, knowing I ain't no saint, means I NEED God's grace. I LOVE needing grace! But I'm trying not to. God bless ya, Julie!

The dictionary says "grace" is forbearance, tolerance. I like the implication of grace on my credit card bill ... SLACK. God cuts me a lot of slack. But there comes a time when I have to PROVE my willingness by obeying. Just like faith without works is dead, willingness without obedience is dead. You don't have to want to, you just have to obey.

I never WANTED to go to work a day in my life. But I was willing. I coulda stayed in bed all day, but I proved my willingness by going to work anyway ... I obeyed.

If I stacked up enough obedient days, I scored a paycheck. Made for a little want-to as I saw my life improve.

Obey for the promises (BB pgs. 83,84), not just to get out of bed.

I totally understand, hon. (dam. did it again). Shoot ... can't stop on this subject. Hope I'm not losing you.

When in rehab 2 years ago, I wrote a poym about "fake it till you make it".

So you can relax, if you're to tired.
I'm willing and able to change as required.
Will I be judged grotesque inside?
A monster till the day I died?
Or by the things I'd said and done
Pretending to act like God's own Son?

Give no thought to how I feel
When you're in pain or need a meal.
I practice, practice, practice still
To heal my heart without a pill
Till inside is as outside does
Till monster is as Jesus was.

The brat in me revolts when prodded.
"It's him, not me!" And God just nodded.
And so I bother, though it makes me wild,
To forgive my father and mature my child.

Love ya, girl. Keep comin' back.
Tm-one
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Postby tim-one » Thu May 21, 2009 8:41 am

PS:

We need you here as much as you need us.
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Postby tim-one » Thu May 21, 2009 9:52 am

Really, Julie, I'm not picking on you. I thought it too coincidental to ignore that this appeared in my in-box just after I signed off here this morning. Thought you might could use it.

(From AA approved literature as noted)


"A.A. Thought For The Day"

One of the finest things about A.A. is the sharing. Sharing is a
wonderful thing because the more you share the more you have. In our
old drinking days, we didn't do much sharing. We used to keep things
to ourselves, partly because we were ashamed, but mostly because we
were selfish. And we were very lonely because we didn't share. When
we came into A.A., the first thing we found was sharing. We heard
other alcoholics frankly sharing their experiences with hospitals, jails,
and all the usual mess that goes with drinking. Am I sharing?

"Meditation For The Day"

Character is developed by the daily discipline of duties done. Be
obedient to the heavenly vision and take the straight way. Do not fall
into the error of calling "Lord, Lord," and doing not the things that
should be done. You need a life of prayer and meditation, but you must
still do your work in the busy ways of life. The busy person is wise to
rest and wait patiently for God's guidance. If you are obedient to the
heavenly vision, you can be at peace.

"Prayer For The Day"

I pray that I may be obedient to the heavenly vision. I pray if I fall, I
will pick myself up and go on.

"Daily Inspiration"

Strengthen your character by knowing which things in life are non-negotiable to you. Lord, I pray for the strength to say no when saying yes would go against that in which I believe.

Forgiveness frees the heart and moves us from the victim to the one who is in control of our lives. Lord, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.


"Walk in Dry Places"

What is a disappointment?
Handling My Outlook

Try as we will for success and achievement, we still must face a number of disappointments in our lives. We may be disappointed by a sales presentation that failed, a repair project that became a nightmare, or a vacation plan that turned sour. How can we handle such disappointments in the spirit of the Twelve Step program?

We must remember not to be too hard on ourselves when disappointments occur. Disappoints are part of the human experience, not misfortunes that come only to certain individuals. If we've done our best in any situation, we are not responsible if it did not work out.

Even more important, we should use every disappointment as a learning experience. It's always possible that one disappointment will provide kernels of truth that will help us succeed in our next effort. Many people point to specific disappointments or setbacks as times when they are able to find new direction.

There are even times when disappointment in a lesser enterprise clears the way for success in a larger one. Whatever the outcome, no disappointment need be final---- nor should we take it as proof that we're somehow inadequate and unworthy.

I will be positive in my outlook, expecting every effort to be effective and successful. If disappointment comes, however, I will take it in stride, knowing that it's only a temporary detour in my successful life.



Boy, howdy ... this really talked to me this morning. Specifics just for me.
"a repair project that became a nightmare" (oh, brother ... ME)
"nor should we take it as proof that we're somehow inadequate and unworthy" (ME. Jinxed from birth. Poor me. NOBODY else but me.)

Gotta go laugh this over with HP.

Love,
Tim-one
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Re: Going thru a phase

Postby garden variety » Thu May 21, 2009 2:14 pm

thanx_2hm wrote:Lately I haven't "felt" like AA.

I feel like I'd rather stay home and isolate.

Quit going by my feelings and get out of the damn bed.


Hiya girlfriend!

I see one of those "magic words" - FEELINGS!

Sometimes, there are "veteran AA's" that will tell me how messed up my "feelings" are, and how much I "can't rely on [my] feelings", or "it doesn't matter how you feel, just take the action!" Yada yada yada, blah blah blah. :roll:

The 12 steps were not designed to eradicate, minimize, assault, or otherwise abuse my "feelings". Believe it or not, my "feelings" and "emotions" are real - they are a part of "being". They belong exclusively to me.

I have a whole bunch of feelings. Lots of different ones. I have some feelings that come from times in my life I forget about, or I try to bury :oops: . Then there are some feelings and emotions that repeat and repeat and reapeat over and over again :shock: :shock: . Some of my feelings bubble and bubble and spill out all over the place :!: . Some of my feelings make me say "Ahhhh!" with a big smile on my face 8) . Some of my feelings and emotions make my arms and legs tingle :D :D :D . Sometimes my feelings get so intense that they take my breath away :o . Some feelings hurt so bad with an ache so deep inside my chest, that I sob and sob :cry:.

No matter what any sponsor says, no matter how much I pray, no matter how much I wish they were different - I can't get rid of my feelings and emotions. They just won't go away, and sometimes they don't even do what I want them to do or what everyone else thinks they should do!!! Imagine that!!!

Maybe acceptance is the answer again?

I can change things, like the way I think about something. I can change my attitude. I can discipline myself to do things that I don't want to do.

But what about my feelings? You know, those sometimes crazy things that won't go away:?: :?: :?:

Sometimes it's easier for me to figure out what not to do - then that leads me to somewhere in that big wide open field of acceptance - where I'm truly safe - even with my feelings and emotions!

Well....
I know I'm not supposed to be running away from my feelings and emotions.
I know I'm not supposed to be fighting with my feelings and emotions.
I don't think beating myself up about my feelings and emotions is helpful.

Maybe I should just leave them be exactly what they are?
And maybe leave them be exactly where they are?
And maybe not rush to judge them as right or wrong, or good or bad?

After all, I remember plenty of times in my sobriety when my feelings and emotions have helped me cope and to find strength - inner strength -and live through difficult circumstances.

A great visionary author named M. Scott Peck taught me two simple questions to ask myself concerning my feelings and emotions.

1. Do I want to be a slave?
2. Do I want to be a master?

The choice belongs to me, and to me alone. When I break it down to those two simple questions, and I make my choice, life becomes pretty simple again. All I have to do is make a decision.

If I decide to choose number one, then nothing else needs to be done. I will be carried away as a slave any moment when I inevitably will face my masters: my feelings and emotions.

If I decide to choose number two, surprisingly, not much else needs to be done, either. When I choose to be the master of my feelings and emotions, constructive action becomes a byproduct of that choice. I'm forced to "man up" and be the "owner" of my slaves. My feelings and emotions have no choice but to follow me - wherever and whenever I go.

Choosing to be master has led me down a road :arrow: that I've been told :arrow: has been less travelled.

It works pretty well for this alcoholic. Even my feelings and emotions don't mind. This road teaches me to be the best master I can be, one day at a time.

God bless!
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Postby Jools » Thu May 21, 2009 2:38 pm

Hiya Tim-one,

Thank you for sharing all of that with me, it is a lot to think about. I love your poem, it brought tears to my eyes because I do think I should be "perfect" and was once called a perfectionist by a shrink. I was shocked! :shock: Then I asked friends and family and they all agreed. LOL, I was the only one who didn't know I was a perfectionist.

He explained it to me like this...if I do a hair cut and it's not a very good hair cut and the guy doesn't like it, I beat myself up over it. If I do a GREAT hair cut and the guy LOVES it I don't give myself any credit for it because that's what I expected out of myself anyway. That was so profound to me because that's EXACTLY how I was and am. I mean, my God, I've been sober for 7 months now I should be perfect shouldn't I? I mean, why am I not thinking my way into being a better person by now?

That's why that piece Cessie posted meant so much to me. I'm not going to get better emotionally just by not drinking, it's about getting out of myself and loving others. That's a tall order for this ole alkie, cuz I'd rather lay up in the bed feeling sorry for myself because I'm so depressed.

Anyhoo...today is another day and I'm not in the bed.
:wink:

Thanx again, Tim-one-hon.

Julie
Jools
 
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Re: Going thru a phase

Postby Jools » Thu May 21, 2009 4:09 pm

((((((((((((((Paul)))))))))))))))) You big ole hunka teddy bear you!!

Gosh I miss you 'round these parts! I'm so happy tho that you're out there helping someone who really, REALLY needs you right now and that you're happily doing so. :)

Thank you, thank you, thank YOU for saying it's ok to feel. And thank you for this bit.........

No matter what any sponsor says, no matter how much I pray, no matter how much I wish they were different - I can't get rid of my feelings and emotions. They just won't go away, and sometimes they don't even do what I want them to do or what everyone else thinks they should do!!! Imagine that!!!

Maybe acceptance is the answer again?

I can change things, like the way I think about something. I can change my attitude. I can discipline myself to do things that I don't want to do.

But what about my feelings? You know, those sometimes crazy things that won't go away:?: :?: :?:

Sometimes it's easier for me to figure out what not to do - then that leads me to somewhere in that big wide open field of acceptance - where I'm truly safe - even with my feelings and emotions!

Well....
I know I'm not supposed to be running away from my feelings and emotions.
I know I'm not supposed to be fighting with my feelings and emotions.
I don't think beating myself up about my feelings and emotions is helpful.

Maybe I should just leave them be exactly what they are?
And maybe leave them be exactly where they are?
And maybe not rush to judge them as right or wrong, or good or bad?


I've been beating myself up because of how I've felt and judging my feelings as wrong and I am deeply grateful to have someone say it's ok. As Tim said...I needed to share it and just getting it out helped a lot.

So thank you, Paul.

Love ya kiddo,
Julie
Jools
 
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Location: Wilmington NC

Postby tim-one » Thu May 21, 2009 4:55 pm

HAHahahahahahahaha ... Thanks for feeling bad! It apparently gave a coupla stove-up helper-types a chance to blow it all out! :lol: :lol:

Ya cain't be cool all the time.

Uh oh ... I'm bloating up again. :roll:

'Zactly ... yeah, what Paul said. We have emotions for a reason. Use them to understand yourself. If you feel someting, don't fight it. Consider it, especially if you don't know why you feel that way. That's what steps 4 - 8 are for, to me anyway.

For me, a couple of downer days are a good thing if I don't suck into it. I may have just been too upper for too long and need a break. If I'm down too long, I'm not just resting ...I'm thinkin too much and I need to get around my AA buds and talk to my sponsor dude (I call him "coach").

Rest is good.

Quoth Steppen Fechit (early Shirley Temple movies. yeah, that was his screen name) :
"Whatcha doin?"
"I's jes settn."
"Whatcha thinkin about?"
"Nuthin. Sometimes I sets 'n thinks. And sometimes I jes sets."

Need to cry? don't stop it. You need it.
Need to laugh? Do it now.
Need to hit something. Uh ... laugh now cuz you're about to look funny.
But if you feel ANYTHING, TALK!

I'd better stop cheering you up before I peas you off. Nuthin makes me madder than some happy dufus trying to cheer me out of a perfectly good bummer I'm enjoying. :evil: :wink:

Love ya, girl. Glad you're up today! :D
Tim-one

Ok, I'm off your back.
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Postby Jools » Sun May 24, 2009 1:38 pm

For me, a couple of downer days are a good thing if I don't suck into it. I may have just been too upper for too long and need a break. If I'm down too long, I'm not just resting ...I'm thinkin too much and I need to get around my AA buds and talk to my sponsor dude (I call him "coach").


I think that's my biggest problem, thinkin' too much!

I feel great today. Thing about bad days or weeks...they eventually go away.

I appreciate y'alls insight and wisdom. Oh, and your humor too..haha!

Much love,
Julie
Jools
 
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Postby tim-one » Sun May 24, 2009 3:21 pm

Oooohhh, good. I'm relieved for you.

I think you're lyin to shut me up. :lol:

Dam PAWS ... makes me think one of those moods should be the one that will last so I can call something NORMAL. :roll:

You go, girl! :D

Love,
Tim-one
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