- Going to my first AA meeting today after 12 yrs of relapse

Going to my first AA meeting today after 12 yrs of relapse




Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober

Going to my first AA meeting today after 12 yrs of relapse

Postby juliem1965 » Thu Dec 10, 2009 9:21 am

I was an active member of AA for 5 years from 1990 to 1995 I think those were the years...lol. Towards the last since months of sobriety I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder which started the realm of medication trials and errors and I still to this day believe my going back to drinking was directly related to the meds they put me on. I seen the changes happening from the time I started the drug to the time I picked up the first drink. I have been in an out of pysch wards for the past 12 years and have been on my share of different meds and therapy to no avail only because I couldn't stay sober for more than 2 days at a time.

I have recently discovered some medical problems that I know in my heart are due to my drinking and I am now very afraid of what the outcome will be if I don't stop which is death. I am going to my first meeting today at noon and I am very nervous for some reason but I am glad that I was in for a period of time and am not going for my first time. I just want to keep in contact with other recovering alcoholics on here if there are times I need help and can't get it outside of this forum. My name is Julie and I hope to get to know some of you on our "Road to Recovery". Glad to be a member here and hope that God gives me the strength to continue with my journey "One Day at a Time". Today is actually day 2 without a drink.
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Postby Dallas » Thu Dec 10, 2009 1:48 pm

Welcome to the site, Julie. And, best wishes for you! Keep coming back and let us know of your progress or let us know if we can help.

Dallas B.
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Postby knny913 » Thu Dec 10, 2009 10:48 pm

Good Evening Juliem,
I recently aquired a sponsee that sounds pretty much the same as you. He was sober for almost 15 years, had a serious accident to which the Drs put him on some heavy meds, and went back out 2 years ago. He just last Saturday celebrated his 6th month.
Although, at least in his case, I really feel that he was missing something else in his program originally. I do agree, that as alcoholics we run a higher than normal risk of relapse when medication is subscribed to us. Therefore, when my prodege ask me to be hia sponsor, I agreed to with the condition that he 1st writes an essay on what really caused his relapse.
What he came up with is that he let the program, his God, and his sponsor all go. He wrote that although he didn't realize it, he all of the sudden started cutting back on his meetings, he started not returning phone calls of the others he was working with, he told me he fired his sponsor because he kept asking him if he was praying to his higher power to rid him of his newly aquired self centeredness. All these things my prodege didn't want to hear, as the medication kept him drifting backwards. So he fell farther from his program, and we all know what the results of that is.
Welcome back Julie, I truely hope you can stay this time! As you learned before, there are alot of us out here that, given the same circumstanses,
would be in your shoes also. So with that being said, I'd suggest you get a new sponsor, if you haven't already, and start working on step 1 as soon as you can. Keep coming back to this site, and go to meetings. The best thing for you to avoid anymore self infliction to yourself is to not drink. I am behind you 100%, and would stay sober for you, if I could, but you know as well as I do that would be impossible. You're the only one who can do that.
I wish you the best. Hope to see you here again.
Knny913
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Postby john boy » Fri Dec 11, 2009 8:44 am

Juliem wrote:

"I am going to my first meeting today at noon and I am very nervous for some reason"

Julie, in your heart, I/we KNOW how you feel, you are not alone.... may you find that which you seek.

John
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Postby MichalF » Sat Dec 12, 2009 6:48 am

Hello Juliem
Welcome back into recovery.How meeting was?
Best wishes!
Michal
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Postby Silverbullet » Mon Dec 14, 2009 3:30 pm

It's been my experience that going back out and drinking and coming back to AA is very courageous of you. I had been a dry drunk for 11 years. The only steps I worked were 1,12, and 13. There was a drink in there somewhere. It was necessary for me to work all the steps as outlined in the BB, and continue to work 10 - 12 on a daily basis. I needed to work with other alcoholics to achieve lasting sobriety. Good luck to you.. :)
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Postby Gaelen511 » Tue Feb 02, 2010 8:36 am

Hey Julie,
I know for a fact that medications that were prescribed for me after surgery was directly related to my relapse. I'm not blaming the doctor or the meds. I had a choice to try a different path but didn't. I got hooked on the meds and was absolutely without defense from that first drink. The saddest part about this is that I knew it and let myself continue to relapse, and each time was worse than the next. Until last week, when I found myself standing in the attic about ready to falling down the stairs, did I realize that this has to stop because I will die. God intervenes in my life all the time, but sometimes I need a HUGE slap in the face to wake me up. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers as I hope you will with me.
Gaelen
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Postby Dallas » Tue Apr 13, 2010 11:31 am

Thanks for sharing, Keith.

I wonder if JulieM is still with us. She hasn't been back to check in and let us know how she's doing. I hope she is well.

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Postby cajunbam » Tue Apr 13, 2010 12:51 pm

Silverbullet wrote:It's been my experience that going back out and drinking and coming back to AA is very courageous of you. I had been a dry drunk for 11 years. The only steps I worked were 1,12, and 13. There was a drink in there somewhere. It was necessary for me to work all the steps as outlined in the BB, and continue to work 10 - 12 on a daily basis. I needed to work with other alcoholics to achieve lasting sobriety. Good luck to you.. :)


After 5 or 6 years of living a dry drunk life, I finally, somehow, ended up in the meeting rooms of AA nearly 7 months ago. Like one guy told me, I was so dry that if someone would've lit a match near me, I would've exploded!!! Since that time, I have been searching for another AA that had an experience similar to mine. Silverbullet, you are the closest one I've found. I met someone that said he lived the life of a dry drunk for 6 months and couldn't take it anymore so he went back to the meetings. I have a few reasons why I stayed away, but it all amounts to me feeling like I just didn't need to "waste" my time away from home. Today, I just know that like you silverbullet, I needed to work all the steps and live the program one day at a time for the rest of my life. Previously, I thought I didn't need AA anymore to not drink because I didn't care to drink anymore; but, I also didn't understand that I really did not know how to live sober, not just exist. My wife said I was pretty lifeless for a long time. Lots of wasted years. Now I look at my AA meetings and program as an investment in today and my future, not as a "waste" of time being away from home. Hopefully, one day, my wife will "get" that too; but I have no control over what she "gets" or doesn't :roll: . I just have to keep trudging along this path to serenity one moment at a time.

Silverbullet: PM sometime!
:D

Peace,
Brian
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