It never seizes to amaze me how much in denial we alcoholics are. I also started to attend AA several years ago, and got away from it because "it was too religious". After a few more years of drinking, I started seeing my Dr. more and more. She kept suggesting that I might try AA, of course my response was always the same, "they're too religious for me".
Finally she told me to "not get your shorts in a knot over the God part of it, look where you are headed (I was quite sick and without some sort of intervention I was heading to my death bed, already turning yellow). So I had no other choice, I certainly (like most of us drunks) didn't want to die.
How would I be able to get my next drink if I did?
I started attending meetings, my Dr. also prescribed some sort of medication for me, I'm not sure what now, but because I live so far out in the country she gave me something to keep me from going into convulsions during my withdrawals, at least to keep me stable enough to reach the closest hospital (40 miles) if I did.
I , as I said, started attending meetings, this time I also started to read the Big Book
, and got a sponsor to work my steps with. I was still apprehensive about a Higher Power of any kind, but the more I got sober the more my mind opened. The longer I keep "doing the deal" the more I started to understand that things were changing and that I
wasn't the one changing them. The miracle for me was happening, It wasn't 'til my third step prayer with my sponsor that I really started to change my attitude. I had a "spiritual awakening" about 6 months into sobriety that sealed it for me. I, just today, had some guys come into my shop in Salida and invited me to attend their church, my response to them was "no, but thank you anyway, I'm not a believer of organized religion, I'm very
spiritual in my own way, but not towards organized religion" to which they didn't have an answer or reply for, so they asked to use the mens room and left. I did thank them again and told them that they were doing a good job. You see, just because religion is not for me, my belief is that I'm in no position to be judgemental, and what works for one person doesn't work for some one else.
After all that all I'm saying is if you want to get a life back, and if you really
want to get sober, just keep an open mind and soon you'll figure out what is best for your program.
"The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stay sober" .
Good Luck, we are with you in prayer andd thought.