but my life really hasn't been out of controll..
Would your liver agree with you???
Look Ma! I'm killing myself with my drinking... but, I'm successful! My liver doesn't think so... but I'm really in control!
I got so successful and famous -- that I didn't care who knew I had a problem -- as long as it wasn't me that knew it.
How to know if your alcoholic? A simple test.
Question: "Are you dying from your drinking but your head is telling you that it's okay... Just a bump in the road. No problem! you're in control!" ???
Alcoholism is the only condition -- that tells the Self -- that you don't have it!
Normal drinkers never think about it... and if you ask them, they'll most often say, either a. I never thought about it, or b. I guess anything is possible!
I understand! Believe me! I identify with you!
By the time I finally got to AA -- I was pretty much a mess. However, me, my family and closest friends would have gone to any lengths to convince anyone -- that I didn't have an alcohol problem... I simply was so successful... that I was always under a lot of pressure... and I was just unwinding a bit!
Of course... I knew that I could quit drinking any time I wanted to, especially if it ever did become a problem!
I just never wanted to quit. And, whenever I did want to quit... I'd change my mind about wanting to quit!
I can remember sitting in an AA meeting... shaking a little bit.... and the thought crossed my head "OMG!!! What if people find out that I'm in AA? Or, they find out I quit drinking! For sure... they'll think I have a problem!"
At least, if I do a lot of drinking... nobody will suspect I have a problem!
Anonymity??? I understand.... I was afraid the TV news would show up outside the AA meeting with Headline News Alert! "Dallas B. was seen coming out of an AA meeting tonight!"
Of course... I wonder which would have looked worse... if the news had me covered for staying sober... or, if they had me covered for going on to an Exit ramp of a freeway... (the wrong way) while drinking... and hitting a car with an entire family in it and killing them all? Or... If I was just out for a little afternoon drive... and a little kid rode out in front of me on a bicycle... and I was a little too intoxicated at the time... to hit the brakes before I hit the kid and killed him?
Alcohol tells the alcoholic things... that are on the same level as plain and simple insanity... thus, that's why "sanity" is mentioned in the second of the 12 Steps.
Who me? I'm not nuts! Normal people drink like me! It's the crazy people that stop drinking!
Welcome to the site! You're doing a lot of good at helping me! And, I really do mean that!
You see... without you, I would forget what it was like for me, when I first got sober! And, when I forget what it was like for me when I first got sober... that's the day I'll end up drunk again!
I can forget all about my drinking and the pain that it caused me as well as the good times that it gave me... and that's not such a big deal.
Every alcoholic had good times and bad times when drinking... it was the first "getting sober and staying sober"... that was painful and not easy! That's why I never stayed sober very long! It was too uncomfortable! Too painful! Puking on someones carpet while drunk is no big deal... that's normal! It's after you sober up that it gets painful to think that you puked in front of someone... especially on their carpet!
I hope you keep coming back. Regardless, if you're ready to stop for good or not, try to get all the education that you can about alcoholism.
If you're still able to "be in control"... try having just ONE drink. That's it. Just one and no more. If you can do that EVERY time you drink... you're probably in control. But, if you have two... instead of one... you didn't control it every well.
Also, another way to tell? Find out if you enjoy having just one... and no more than one! If you enjoy it and can continue to have just one... and no more than one... you probably don't have a problem and you're in control!
Another way to tell? Just stop drinking cold turkey. Don't even have one drink. Do that every day for a year. That may not tell you if you're alcoholic or not... but, it will tell you how far the condition has progressed... if you are alcoholic.
Another way to tell??? Just stop drinking cold turkey. Don't even have a sip. Do you feel uncomfortable... without a drink?
Best wishes to you! I appreciate you!