swoodfield wrote:I feel like I am really struggling with Step One again, and the idea of drinking has been bouncing around in my head for the last week now, and I cannot seem to get rid of it for more than several hours.
Welcome to the site! Glad you're here and thank you for sharing! Your sharing helps all of us here, and will help those that haven't gotten here yet!
And, congrats on your five years!
Struggling with Step 1, as you've described it -- for me, would be heavy 911 terror alert for me! I would call out all resources and immediately get focused on Step One! This is dangerous biz at any age of sobriety -- and experimentation could be fatal, or even worse. What's worse than dying? Living half-dead, in a situation of no hope for a change for the better, unable to live comfortably and unable to die.
Most AA's that drink again after five years of sobriety -- never make it back. And, the few that do are very few. Newcomers often come in and go out and in and out.
I've gone through some times in sobriety that are similar to what you're experiencing. So, I really do understand, and I have the highest and best wishes for you!
Remember, the only sober alcoholics that drink again -- are sober alcoholics that forget that it's not alright to drink again.
First things first.