- What does hopeless mean to you?

What does hopeless mean to you?




Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober

What does hopeless mean to you?

Postby Dallas » Mon Sep 06, 2010 2:56 pm

I hope that hopeless for you -- is not what hopeless for me, was.

I discovered that I had reached of place of total hopeless-ness. I couldn't live sober and I didn't want to die drunk. My alcoholism was killing me regardless if I drank it or didn't drink it -- and I couldn't keep from going back to it, over and over and over and over again.

For me, I realized, that with God's help -- or without God's help -- I still couldn't stay sober.

I didn't believe that God could or would help me and even if He did -- like I said, I knew that I couldn't do it. I didn't have faith. I didn't have hope. And, I didn't believe.

Here's what I did -- that may have been what helped. I told God that I couldn't do it. And, I told God that I didn't believe I could do it -- even if He did help me. I faced the facts as I understood them -- that my alcoholism was going to kill me, drunk or sober. You see, sobriety was killing me as much or more and faster than the alcohol was killing me. Drinking just seemed to slow down my demise and make it more bearable -- until sobriety would finally do me in.

So, knowing that I couldn't do it alone, or with all of A.A.'s help, and even with God's help and all of A.A.'s help -- I made an agreement with God, and said "I am willing to go to any lengths to act as if -- it might work and that you might help me."

I began to take actions that I did not believe in. Praying to a God, that I did not believe could help me. Taking the 12 Steps and "acting as if" they would help -- when deep in my heart I believed that it was no use. I did it anyway. And, I made a commitment to do it with all that I had in me, going to any lengths to do what I had to do -- for as long as I could -- before the sobriety killed me.

As I see it today -- almost 24 yrs sober, later -- I still don't believe that I can do it, with or without God's help. Yet, I'm sober. And, I've continued to stay sober. And, I'm comfortable with my sobriety. I'm at peace in my heart and mind. I feel happy and most of the time I experience pure joy in my daily living. I've just simply continued acting as if I could do it -- with God's help and with the help of the fellowship of A.A.

What I do believe -- is that by "acting as if" it would work, and doing it anyway, what must have happened, somewhere along the way is -- I stumbled upon something, that helped me to get myself out of God's way -- and He ended up doing for me -- what I still cannot do for myself.

That's all I really know about it. I can't. We can't (in my case) -- but, God did. And, God does.

I'm no saint. I have plenty of short-comings. I do try and go to any lengths to do the right thing -- right now. But, I also do often fail. And, I know that and I admit it.

I stumbled upon something one day when I was reading pages 13 & 14, in Bill's Story, that I have now experienced. Bill wrote about the "Belief -- in the Power of God." Not -- belief in God, as I had expected to read -- but, "Belief in the Power of God -- PLUS ENOUGH" of the other elements that Bill went on to write down.

Today, there is something I can honestly say, that happened to me. I came to believe, and I now believe in The Power -- of God. I can't and He does. All I can do is take the actions and try to get myself out of His way so that He will continue to do.

This rambling may not help you -- but it helped me. I needed to share it.

Dallas
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Postby GeoffS » Tue Sep 07, 2010 3:59 am

Hopeless for me is being in a position where I am powerless and unmanageable. Being in active alcoholism is hopeless.
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hoplessness?

Postby november6 » Tue Sep 07, 2010 10:20 pm

I hit many states of hopelessness concerning never being able to drink without consequence again.. concerning my resentments, other peoples actions, my mistakes and the crappy circumstances my life had become accustomed to. I hit those places drunk AND sober.

When did I finally got low enough to do all that was told of me by AAs, the BB and my sponsor? It was the first time, on one of my many 1-weeks sober, that I finally reached a feeling of hopelessness when it came, alas, my Best Ideas. Which were, when everything else fell apart, the one thing that had always kept me one breath away from hopeless. The day I really realized that not even that was of anymore use to me, that was the day I said "ok, tell me what to do" and actually did it and kept doing it.
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Postby Dallas » Wed Sep 08, 2010 12:01 am

Thanks for sharing. I appreciate you!
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Postby Then, and only then » Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:57 pm

Dear Dallas,
It is unbelievable that you still remembered that feeling of hopelessness. I wish I will remember as you do.

"Can't live with or without", that was my hopelessness. On that Morning, I knew I was done. Not done with liquor, but done with life. After came back from ER, sitting on my deck smoking, I knew I can not and will not stop, and I also knew my liver can not and will not go on.

The dooms day was always in distant future until that morning. Someday, I will die of alcoholism, someday. It was never tonight, I am going to drink, run high fever, loose conscience, liver failure then heart failure. It was never that.

I got a mind that needs the bottle, and a body that can not take it. That is hopeless. How is that I am alive tonight? Thank you for this time, this place, this feeling. Thank you.
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Postby lotusinbloom » Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:38 pm

It is dark and lonely there and death was always at my door. Hopelessness is a place I never want to revisit. I have no words to really describe just how awful that place was for me but I carry the memory because it keeps me alive today.
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Postby Pebbles » Sat Mar 05, 2011 3:30 pm

For me I was hopeless and helpless.....I had no hope for the future, and was so helpless, I had no idea what it was I should do. I must never forget from where it was that I came from.....the day I forget, is the day that I'll say "Aw, it wasn't that bad.....one drink will be ok" and the hopelessness will be back stronger and bigger than it was before.
Today I can say that there is hope, no matter what it is that I have to trudge through, as long as I remember that there is Power in numbers--meetings, stepwork, etc.....may the Power be with you!! :)
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hopeless

Postby Bobby D » Sat Mar 05, 2011 8:12 pm

It's good to remember that hopeless feeling. .the one that got me to these rooms in the first place........ I tried to quit and failed to sober rup so many times... I can remember praying to god to help ME stop drinking.. to help ME beat it this time ..please give ME the willpower to succeed.. and I did.. for a little bit... It wasn't until I just surrendered.. " god if you want me to die a drunk then get it over with and let me just die.. ".. Then I started to get it... I didn't die that night.... I accepted that I could not do this alone... I put it in gods hands and ...so far so good.. 6 months so far... and I feel great.. no compulsion... no jonesing fo a drink.. all the other times I quit.. I was fighting it... every day...

Hopeless was good for me.. I WANT to rememebr that ....I NEED to rememebr that....

God bless

Bob
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Thank you

Postby Conbryant » Wed Mar 09, 2011 6:51 pm

I have read everyone responses about hopelessness. I have been sober for 3 weeks now, and still in the hopelessness. I work 2 jobs to keep my mind of the want or need to want a drink, I look at my wrist when I sit alone praying to god and reading everyones posts. I'm not a people person, so very hard to go to meeting.so I work a lot. But reading everyone hopelessness makes me relies that there may be hope down the road. ty
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Re: Thank you

Postby lotusinbloom » Thu Mar 10, 2011 9:15 am

Conbryant wrote:I have read everyone responses about hopelessness. I have been sober for 3 weeks now, and still in the hopelessness. I work 2 jobs to keep my mind of the want or need to want a drink, I look at my wrist when I sit alone praying to god and reading everyones posts. I'm not a people person, so very hard to go to meeting.so I work a lot. But reading everyone hopelessness makes me relies that there may be hope down the road. ty


you are NOT alone! pray for hope. pray constantly and wait. it will come. go to meetings.....you do not have to say anything....just being in the rooms will comfort you....
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12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - What does hopeless mean to you?