AA, First Step in recovery.

[Dallas]

The first Step in recovery is that we finally become convinced that we are REAL alcoholics. And, we understand what that means for us. We admit that we are powerless over controlling alcohol. We accept that in regards to alcohol -- we virtually have NOT got enough will power to have any control over alcohol. We have lost our choice over to drink -- or not to drink. And, if we desire sobriety -- or even just to stay alive and out of jail or institutions -- that we can NOT have so much as even one sip of ANY alcohol at all

" -- Our lives had become unmanageable." We finally admit -- that on our own Power -- we cannot manage to stay sober. We need help. And, we need help that is greater than ALL the Human Power that there is.

It is because of this First Step in Recovery -- IF we have truly taken the First Step -- that we become willing, to go through with the rest of the Steps -- which is -- the rest of the program. If there is any reservations at all in our minds, such as "I just won't drink today -- and tomorrow I'll decide if I drink or not" -- we haven't completed taking the First Step. And, it means we need to go back and find out the information that we are missing and take this Step -- OR, the tomorrow, down the road, a choice will be made for us -- that we will drink again. And, for us alcoholics -- to drink is to die.

When I look back over my drinking experiences -- I can't remember one single time that I "drank normally." Sure. There were many times that I drank and didn't get drunk or get into trouble. But, in some way -- my drinking at that particular time was not a wise, sane, healthy, or mature idea. Most often -- even the one or two drink experiments were absolutely foolish! And, they were VERY risky -- because I truly did not know -- what I MIGHT do next -- after having the one drink.

Of course, my mind did not believe this at the time -- because I had an alcoholic mind. The alcoholic mind will tell us anything (all lies) to keep us convinced that "we are normal and our drinking is normal." The alcoholic mind -- would rather DIE than to admit -- that it cannot have so much as one tiny sip -- of any alcohol at all. The alcoholic mind -- would rather die than to admit -- that it can NEVER safely drink any alcohol at all.

When I look back on loose statements that I used to make -- thinking they were just figures of speech -- they are very revealing to me. I'd say things like "Man. I'm dying for a drink! I can't wait for the clock to hit drinking time!"

In reality -- I was dying FOR a drink -- AND my mind was killing me WITHOUT a drink. I didn't NEED a drink -- I HAD TO drink!

If you've reached that same place, like I did -- the good news is: Steps 2 through 12 will bring you the relief that you need.

If you haven't reached the same place, like I did -- the bad news is -- you're still NOT off the hook! LOL. I discovered, and most of us make the discovery that -- we were REAL alcoholics -- MANY years BEFORE we looked like or acted like what we thought alcoholics look and act like.

[Toast]

Dallas wrote;

[I discovered, and most of us make the discovery that -- we were REAL alcoholics -- MANY years BEFORE we looked like or acted like what we thought alcoholics look and act like. ]

Sure can go alone with that, everyone that was an alcoholic knew that i was one long before i did.

When me and the guys used to go drinking in town on a saturday afternoon we'd head along the main street jumping from one bar to another. Many times we'd get stopped in our tracks by a ' down and out' looking for some spare change. And funnily enough they'd always corner me saying 'i really need a few bucks for a drink, c'mon man you know the score.' All my buddies would turn to me and ask 'how do you always know the score?'

Embarrassed I couldn't look these bagmen in the face, there eyes seemed to pierce my very soul. Guess they knew all along i was one of them waiting to happen.

Strange days indeed...........................???

[Toast]

STEP 1

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.

Before we can begin to go forward into contented sobriety the importance of this step must never be underestimated. The fact that we had adopted patterns of behaviour that were destroying our lives cannot be overlooked. Behaviour we could not analyse with any degree honesty because we were immersed in some kind of delusion. This destructive delusion told us we were right and the world was wrong. So we continued to drink because we were deluded about the extent of our problem and our ability to handle simple every day situations, situations most normal folks solve without a second glance. We were always far too busy brooding over our resentments that we never stopped to think just how unmanageable our lives and the lives of those who depended on us had become.

When the insidious desire to drink took priority over our families, health, work and social life we were truly powerless over alcohol.

Once we admitted we were alcoholic we began to have a degree of acceptance in our lives. But acceptance without action is futile. Many of us admit we are alcoholics long before we come to the fellowship but we don’t stop drinking either because of the social stigma attached to alcoholism our ego keeps telling us we’re unique and we alone can lick this problem all by ourselves. Is this not the same ego that told us we didn’t have a problem in the first place?

If we can accept that the root of the problem lies in our repetitive defective thought patterns which comes from deep inside our very being then surely our new found common sense would tell us this is the wrong place to go for the answer? Our answer must come from without, from the shared experience of those who have walked the walk of sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous. And also by listening to our friends, family and peers about the exact extent our behaviour had on their lives.
We have to stop being defensive, angry and fearful whenever we are called to task over certain aspects of our unsavoury behaviour and accept we were sick people at the time. By breaking through the very walls of our own darkened defences we can step forward into the light and seek out the knowledge required to change our lives for the better. By doing this we no longer need feel guilty about any aspect of our past conduct. From now on personal conduct means everything, we are responsible for us.

Finally, there’s every chance that some shameful disaster eventually forced you to seek out recovery. If this is the case then thank your lucky stars and stop for a minute to think what other even more shameful disasters await you should you continue to use and abuse alcohol?

[Dallas]

Thanks for the awesome sharing John!
Really good stuff!

[Jebtion12345]

I am a hard nut to crack and it took years for Step 1 to really sink in .
The cool part of the deal is that once I realized without a doubt I was powerless, without defense against the first drink EVEN while sober, the doors to the fourth dimension practically swung open ... I got as willing as only the dying can be to find a power greater than myself to do what i could never do.
I always thought AA was a program of abstinence (will power) and meetings (social club). The sea had to be parted for me that I was unable under any circumstance to keep my self clean sober.
I had a year in 2004 and relapsed and stayed out for 4 years. The thing is that I do not recall my first drink after that year and a week or so ... do not know what it was, where it was, how many ... looking back I KNOW what the mental blank spot is, the mental twist. I was not working the steps and plugged into a Higher Power. I did not know I had to be ! I had not experienced complete defeat. I now see that any amount of self will I throw at my problem to fix it (including romance, money, food etc) I CANNOT fix me. I need a power greater than me to solve the drink problem so I can help others and be useful and stay alive!
Step 1 i a deep internal revolution that I am screwed unless I seek power through a spiritual experience on a daily basis. I am golden if I know my truth, that without a Higher Power I am nothing. THe steps are a joy to practice, it is A way to show my thanks to God and the fellowship.
Peace
J

[Toast]

Thanks for the great post J.

Needed to hear that about being out for 4 years before you realised what had happened.

Will surely mention that next time i'm at a meeting.

Be well

John

[Toast]

Good share Keith.

Towards the end my life wasn't unmanagable it was unbearable with or without drink.

My best thinking took me to the jumping off place drunk and it also took me there after a few years sober in AA because i wouldn't let go of my resentments and stupidly thought i would still be able to fix everything myself. I also thought i had too, the way i was brought up asking for help was seen as a sign of weakness. All i needed was lots of money and a position of power and everything would be OK. Never realising it was my pursuit of both these illusions that fed my addiction in the 1st place?

Even in AA i thought i had to fix my life 1st before i went through the programme. But as we know if i possessed enough power to fix my life i wouldn't have been in AA in the 1st place!

When it came down to it, with regards to both life and drink i was always powerless.

When i was out buying clothes the other day and it struck me that when i was drinking all my shirts were always ruined with cigarette burns-and i didn't smoke? Guess i just staggered through the crowds towards the bar oblivious of the people around me holding burning hot cigarettes!

Strikes me i must've had a lot of arrogance or ignorance to behave like that.

Looking back i now know i needed the programme of AA the day i finished school!

Be well

John