Acoholics and Anger and resentments

Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober
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Acoholics and Anger and resentments

Postby dorber » Mon May 07, 2012 4:15 pm

Ok here it goes. Have been sober 6 months this time after 5 years last time. I understand under any and all conditions... I was married to a woman I loved and adored. Since I have sobered up again we are engaged and will take a year plus to ensure good health. We were married 12 years together for 15. My eldest step daughter took up with a man 23 years her senior.12 years my senior. He bragged about how well he had done in the oil patch. I was adamantly against the relationship and it caused major friction between my wife and me. Divorce. I too work in the oil patch and about 8 or 9 month ago he moved to my company knowing full well I was there. He has since bad mouthed my daughter, my fiance etc. Specifics not required. I confronted him and asked him to step outside and solve this as men. He then ran to my step daughter crying and she to her mother and well you get the point. Was I that wrong? My fiance is so pissed at me. I thought it was man to man but apparently not. What am I not getting in my program. Because we are sober do we not still stand up for whats right. We will instinctively know how to handle situations which baffled us. Guess im not there yet. Opinions? OH YES turns out he was broke the whole time and this was all a scam.

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Re: Anger and resentments

Postby Dallas » Tue May 08, 2012 2:52 am

Thanks for sharing!

In my case, it helps me to remember, that: Just because men wear pants instead of skirts -- some men are wearing panties under those pants. :-) I think you might have scared him and he went crying to mommy. :-)

In regards to "We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us." -- That's found on page 84, of the Big Book. After Step 9, and leading into Step 10. On page 84, it lists some things "that we've done" and things "that we continue to do" -- for this to become reality.

A few paragraphs beyond that -- it cautions us about expecting to "be inspired" all the time. Thus, the reason we have Step 10 -- "to clean up the wreckage of the present." (whereas Steps 4-9, is cleaning up the wreckage of the past).

I'd suggest: Don't be too hard on yourself! The only thing we're going to be perfect at is: being perfectly wrong. And, once in a while, we'll get it right. Occasionally, we might screw up and get it perfectly right -- but, don't hold your breath waiting for those occasions. :-)

This situation might have ruined your day -- but don't let it devastate your week, or month. You might want to read pages 60-64, Big Book. I do that, when either I screw up, or the other people screw up, and it helps me figure out what I can do about it -- as an alternative to "taking them outside." ;-)

I appreciate your sharing! Please keep me updated here. I might be able to learn something from the way you handle this, so that it will help me, the next time, I'm faced w/ something similar!

Best wishes,

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Re: Anger and resentments

Postby Toast » Tue May 08, 2012 3:16 am

Hi dorber,

The fact he wouldn't go outside ' man to man' means you've won that particular battle.

I had a similar situation a while back but the scuz ball then beat me home and told everyone it was me who refused to go outside? Asshole!

If they'll sink to anything they'll rise to nothing.

Be well

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Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 12:50 pm

Re: Acoholics and Anger and resentments

Postby Toast » Sat Jan 19, 2013 7:19 pm

Keith said above 'I am a person who thrives on problems'

That used to describe me well but now i think that's because i talked myself up too much in 'low brow bars' and always thought i had the solution to everyone elses problems which made people come to me with more problems looking for a solution from this ' sage' who couldn't even solve his own drink problem!

For me it all goes back to the old low self esteem, i'd go a million miles to help anyone else but sometimes i wouldn't lift a finger to help myself. Other people were far more important than i and as long as everyone else was happy then maybe deep down inside i could be happy too. And maybe if i got a medal for helping people it would prove to my inner critic that i wasn't clueless after all.

Then as life went on i'd surround myself with lame ducks and claim i couldn't join the human race because i was waiting on my buddies? Never realising that these same buddies never wanted fixed, they liked living on welfare with no job to go too but as i'd always worked i'd pull strings to get them a job that they never wanted in the 1st place and they walked out on it 1st chance they got because the toilet paper was the wrong sort or something earth shattering like that.

Mixing in that company kept me going in problems for years! What a goddam waste of Gods time.

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