Hi ya Dallas~
What a great topic, and one that seems timely for me. This month celebrates my 1 year of being sober. Up until a year ago I had been without a drink for 15 years!
I cannot relay to you the myriad of feelings that went through me a year ago when I relapsed. Despair comes readily to mind, as well as a true sense of falling back into a hole that up until then was closed. I was SO smug, I had been sober for 15 years without AA. True fear took hold of me as soon as the alcohol touched my lips, the ground opened up and back into the hole I traversed. I realized then that I desperately needed help (we won't go into how it took me six months to come through AA doors to get the help so desperately needed), but that realization was a most definite "wake up" call.
It's been quite the learning curve for me now that I am on the AA path. Learning, and I emphasize that word, to "let go and let God."
Not until I walked into the doors of AA had I any idea that I had a strangle-hold on life's happenings, and as a result was so miserable
. We discussed the jay walker from the Big Book last night at a meeting, and I confess, I related all too well to the jay walker analogy. Without seeking help, there's no telling where my vast store of rationalizing alcohol could take me.
Confronting my alcoholism, acknowleding that yes, I am an alcoholic would not have happened had I not come to AA.
Granted, I have more than a hole to patch up since I've come through AA doors. The steps illustrate how I can start anew. I am SOOO grateful to my sponsor, the AA people I've met, and even the seemingly pet sayings so commonly used in AA for their affirming/healing qualities. Most importantly, I thank God for being where I am - and where I'm going.
God bless ya'll.